My husband and I have been seperated for about three months now. We have 2 kids and he is holding out on hope that we will get back together even though I have told him that it is over. I am not even sexually attracted to him anymore because of all of the bad things that he has done. When he tries to kiss me I get nauseous and when he touches me he makes my skin crawl. He wants me to give us a break and then try again later at least for the kids sake but I just don't see any hope for us. I do love him but I am not sure if I am IN love with him anymore or if I ever will be again. What should I do?
2006-08-03 20:55:02 · 33 answers · asked by el68niou1 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have actually sat down together and talked because believe or not we are actually quite civil towards one another and decided to compose a list of our goods and bads. The sad part is the bads more than doubled the goods.
2006-08-03 21:08:51 · update #1
When he says " For the kids' sake" Think twice... why not for your sake , too? don't you deserve a better man? Sure, there'll be moments when you think you need him but go out, girl and give yourself a chance at love. Find someone who won't make your skin crawl; or make you nauseous. Making love should be fun. You can still love him though, but remembet , love yourself even more!
2006-08-03 21:02:36 · answer #1 · answered by mad scientist 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOur problem is that you are not sure if you love him the way you should or not... take time apart... take a break from each other before you decide anything. AT the end of the day the decision is yours to live with.. some women stay with their husband eventhough there is no love anymore... it all depends on what you can actually live with.
You need time away to actually think it over.
May you make the right decision for both you and the kids. The kids are not going to be better off just because you are together.. neither are they going to be better off without both their parents together.. this is something you would have to consider and weight too.. other than the good and the bad... remember its your choice that they are here... not theirs.
2006-08-03 22:28:16 · answer #2 · answered by Sheila 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you are married and you do love him, regardless of whether it is in love or not, you should try going to marriage counseling before you call it completely quits. At least you will be able to see if there is any kind of hope. You don't want to later wonder if it would have worked out, or later find out that you really did love him when he finds another woman that will give him what is lacking in your relationship now. If after counseling together, you still feel the same, then you will be able to move on with a free conscience and hopefully remain friends for the kids' sake.
Good luck.
2006-08-03 21:01:25 · answer #3 · answered by BluePassion 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If all the bad things he has done makes you not even sexually attracted to him. I guess even after a little break away from him will still be the same, no chance for him even for the sake of kids. Things will only work out when you have Forgiven him all the bad things he has done to you, willingly to take another chance and be in Love with him again.
2006-08-03 21:08:15 · answer #4 · answered by Hotlips_G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow...I am so there with you! My hubby and I seperated over 3 years ago and I have, well we have even had other relationships in between. My b/f was killed 7 months ago and my 6 year old son was devastated because the b/f was like his dad. I almost believe somehow the not quite ex, was sent here to comfort my son but as for him and I? Not happening right now. I just told him straight up though. Step up! Be a man for your son. If something reignites it will but until then let's make this about our boy. He took it well and we are doing a friendship arrangement and letting our son feel some security. I was honest with my boy too. I told him dad was visiting for a bit. No reason to get him all messed around with false security. I am happy to let him bask in the glory of having his dad home. Even if its just for a bit.
2006-08-03 21:08:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you aren't in love with him anymore and sexually you find him that unnapealing, why would you want to be with him? If you would get back together for "the kids' sake" understand that kids are smart enough to understand whats going on and that just because mom and dad are together won't make the living situation happy for them. When my parents finally divorced I was glad because I finally didn't have to listen to them screaming at eachother all the time. Sure I wish my parents could be happy together, but together doesn't = happy. And at least seperated my life was calmer.
2006-08-03 21:04:03 · answer #6 · answered by kaiwryn 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on. If you have kids best to be nice to him because no matter how strange it may seem to you the kids will always see him in a different light. Being nice just makes it easier.
MOVE ON with your Life. Life is short and the kids grow up faster than you can imagine and if you don't move on now you will look back at the wasted time.
Staying with him would make you a prositute because you would be sleeping with him to keep your children happy.
Remember. You may let some guy rent you for as long as you want him to but no one is ever going to OWN you !!
2006-08-03 21:01:08 · answer #7 · answered by CTM 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey your husband gave u a good idea. take a break get a makeover have a new wardrobe .take a break for quite some time. it will help u to rethink everything.
see once a person has made up his/her mind that he/she is going to leave that person .then all the bad parts add up more than good part.becoz in mind the only part looking at is separation.
After the break and everything if u feel u can work it out then come back.
2006-08-03 21:56:05 · answer #8 · answered by chocolate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it depends on what bad things has be actually done. If you have tried talking to him abt those and he never really did anything to improve, then you have every right to call it quits. However if he has improved in some areas and needs to work on others, then its better to give him another chance. It will be good for both of you if you took a step that was based on fair judgment and was not only reactive in nature.
2006-08-03 21:31:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say no. It's better for your kids to have two happy loving homes than one where both parents are unhappy.
You are repulsed by him, for God's sake! You can't change that! You might, over time learn to be pleasant to him, for the sake of your kids, but that's about it.
Think, wouldn't it be nice to have a good man in my life, who loves me, and who gives me what I need? You're not going to attract him while you still have a loser for a husband.
Good luck, it's a turbulent journey, but it's well worth it.
2006-08-03 21:04:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋