I want to get married to my boyfriend before the child arrives 3/4/07...?

Question

The baby was unplanned, I never wished to be an unwed mother...

We have talked about it but with the baby there is so much else to think about. We both want to because we love eachother, but I would like it to be before the baby is born. How do I sortof bring marriage into the picture, without seeming pushy?

Again we both want to get married to eachother, so its not that he doesnt, we have gone back and forth about when we should, but I want it before the baby, and I see nothing wrong with that. How can I ask him...without asking him???

Im 19, hes 24 so I am still very young. But I told myself If I was ever going to have a child, I would be wed first!
And Vegas...My mother suggested the same thing. lol.
Also, The child will have his last name regardless...My last name is Bender...Not hot!

I love this man so its not for the wrong reasons and that is on top of my list. Also i was born out of wedlock, I had a void in my life because of it. My father left, and became well...a homosexual. I led a weird life. I just want my child to be a part of a "normal" family.

Answer 1

The two of you getting married does not guarantee your child will live a "normal" life. People get divorced. People run away, marriage certificate or not. You may spend the next 18 years of your life miserable, because you rushed into this marriage. I think it's great you want to stay with the father, and work things out, but I would wait until you are absolutely 100% sure. Marriages before the age of 25 are much more likely to end in divorce. I just don't want to see you cause yourself unnecessary heartache.

Answer 2

Okay let me tell you my situation hopefully it will help some how... I'm 17 and my baby is due the 21 of next month... The father is 21, we were planning on getting married before she was concieved, but didn't. We ended up getting married in Reno, NV last Feb.- just a small little chapel wedding with only close family there. We are still planning on having a big reception in the future, but we are focusing on the baby now. So my advice is, if you really honestly love this guy, and you want to do it before the babys born...do it. There is nothing wrong with a small wedding, and if you still want a big one...do it later on.(If you live near Nevada it helps...i dont know about other states, im from california) Well Congratulations and best of luck to you....

Answer 3

i was pregnant before i got married as well and if you both have talked about it then like yousaid you are running out of time bring it up dont ask him just say i know we talked about this before and say that you really dont want to end up having the baby out of wedlock and leave it at that if he wants to continue the conversation then go ahead but most guys are clueless to hints a direct approach is probbly best and you wont seem pushy your not asking him to marry you your just letting him know what you wish would happen dont bring it up often and he'll know its true also give the guy a chance to propse (if hes gonna) maybe you can tell him that you want to get married like at a court house or something just so you are married when the baby comes and then you can plan a wedding when ever you want..... with guests dresses the whole wedding thing

Answer 4

You are going on line to ask for the answer??

You know the right things to do, but you have to make the right choices and do the right things. If you cannot sit right down and talk over your feelings with the father, than you are both not in the same place.

Seek professional counseling, with both of you, and do what is best for the baby. "To put the needs of someone else in front of your own, that is the ticket uptown!!" (from The Heavenly Kid movie). Keep trying, and you both can come out with a wonderful family. Be well.

Answer 5

Bring out the fact that you were thinking of what to tell your child about why you two weren't married when you had the child, and you were thinking that if you got married before the child is born, that you don't have to worry about that problem. (A December Wedding would be nice, so would a New Year's Wedding, where 2 of the most beautiful moments in your life happened in the same year.)

Answer 6

You're having a child with this man.....talk to him about what you want for your life and the child's life. If for him marriage isn't in the cards you need to know this. But would you two have gotten married if you weren't pregnant? If the answer is yes but just not now, simply move the date up.

Suggestion...."since the baby is due in March what are your thoughts on us getting married before then". If you don't ask for what you want you will never get it.

Answer 7

the same exact thing happened to me. I was pregnant with my first baby(19 months now) and I said to my boyfriend(now my husband) you better marry me before baby comes. I did not want to be an unwed mother just like you. I know exactly what your going through. he still has not asked to marry me(even though we are) his parents and sister arranged almost all of your wedding. good luck to you. I said to him that if i ever got pregnant that I would insist marriage.

Answer 8

make sure you marry the man you love and not love the man you marry there is a difference and with a child comes stress and causes more fights as time grows make sure you can both be realible and there for each other whether you get married now or later baby is big enough to deal with i was never married but have kids and let me tell you if i married thier dad;s it would have been a nite mare one wanted to cause he thought it was best then ended up with his best friends wife
you are better to wait for the rite time in your life and not get complicated with the million emotions that run through your body when your pregnant and let me tell you i think that there is more then a million that run through you
decide carefully and pray

Answer 9

No one knows your boyfriend better than you, so you probably know the answer better than us. However, with a confident (not dominant) aire (I'm getting the feeling you're a little scared), tell him it's important to you that your baby be born to parents who are married, and 'would it be ok with him to legalize your commitment before then?' I have great respect for my husband and men in general, but when you know how they work, it's easier to work with them. They like to be able to have the power to make you happy. When my sister got pregnant 3 years ago, they secretly got legally married. They just had a beautiful wedding last May and their son was their ring-bearer.

Answer 10

start making a scrapbook for the baby's arrival and tell him it would be great if the scrapbook started with wedding pics and then went on to the birth/baby pics - sort of like the transition of your relationship. I think its so sweet that you want to be married before the baby is born, I also think that the concept of marriage reinforces a certain amount of security in the mother which she then passes on to her child. all the best.