Desperate for answers...?

Question

My boyfriend & I of around 3 years really do care about each other but are pretty much opposite in EVERY way. I know this is a serious disadvantage for both of us & as much as logically I know we might not be the best for each other, I cant bring myself to leave him. When we have seperated a few times we always go back together. I know if I leave him I will ALWAYS wonder what would have been. I cant even picture my life without him. So I guess Im wondering, if doubts this severe are normal? Has anyone out there married their polar opposite, did it work out long term or end quickly? I really just know in my heart that I dont want to say goodbye to him forever. Im so confused? How do you know when theyre the one for you? Thank you for any advice!

i really just want to thank everyone for responding, it means alot that total strangers will help me out in what I consider a life changing decision.

Answer 1

my boyfriend and i are also complete opposites. dont listen to anyone else if u too truely love each other u will make it work and compromises will have to be aplenty. stick with it and u two will have a vibrant and exciting life together just because u pull each other in new directions.

Answer 2

Dont leave your b/f just becos' the both of you are opposite, only leave him when you know deep down inside of you, you "Dont Love Him" no more and no matter how hard you try nothing seems to work at all. Give yourself sometimes to be away from him and during this quiet time, search that voice in you that's tells you what to do next. ^_^ Think hard and feel what is the thing that always make you guys come back together again after each time seperations. Interest can be create, people can change unless you have try everything you had and still think it doesnt work out, then it's time to move on.

Answer 3

I did marry my opposite and we have had many arguments throughout the years and we have even talked about divorce. But we both love each other to death, we have 2 kids and want a third one. We have been together for 12 years now, married for 8.

I say, find stuff in common with each other, there must be something, and read the book :"For women only: what you need to know about the inner lives of men" and if he is one of those rare guys that reads books, buy him the girl counterpart, you can find it at Amazon... It will help you understand him as a man, and he understand you and respect you as a woman.

And as long as you understand and respect each other things shouldn't be bad.

Answer 4

If you and your boyfriend are separating a few times already what would make you think it will work. You have feelings for him and you have hopes that your relationship will work. Chances are it will not. Be friends but you both need to move on and find the happiness you deserve. You cant stop the hurt because you have feelings for him. But don't stay just because you have feelings.

You are not the ones for each other. Sometimes you have to say good bye when you don't want to. That is a part of life. You will find someone you want to be with and would never think of separating from.

Leave, live and find your true love

Answer 5

I dont think it matters so much of how opposite you are. Its more about the connection, chemistry and love between the two of you. If all that is gone than maybe you should separate. If you feel like its time to get out but you cant let go because its hard to be alone at first then your staying together for all the wrong reasons and wasting each others time. Sounds like you two need to talk.

Answer 6

Screw that term 'Opposites Attract', love is what brings you together. You two are the opposite but it seems like you haven't let that get in the way of your love for each other. Listen to your heart first, if you do something without listening to your heart and instinct first you will do something that you will really regret! With your love and care for each other, you two will be together forever. Maybe it would be good for you to take some time and space from each other and meet different people (notice I said 'meet' not 'sleep') and see what its like out there in the world. But talk it out first and see what it will fall into and go on from there, but like I said don't do anything that you will regret! Good Luck!!!

Answer 7

I've read through some of your other questions to get a bit more background. It sounds to me that you have some serious doubts about this relationship (by the way, his tendency to come on too strongly to you, combined with the way his old relationship ended - which sounds more suspicious than you've said, is worrying). It sounds like you're the kind of person who says she's cautious, but is still actually rather naive. You seem so keen to be told that things will work when it's just not possible to know. Personally, I don't think it will work - I think you'll get tired of making compromises for him and brushing off his actions as 'immaturity' when at 37 no one's 'immature' anymore - they're just those kinds of people. 'Immature' implies he'll ever change, but he won't. Any small changes he makes for you he'll resent and make you feel bad about - when really he should be making them. I also wonder (and please bear with me with this, as I'm sure you get it all the time) what a 37 year old is doing with a twenty-three year old - I wonder if women his own age wouldn't want to deal with his behaviour and if he's so unwilling to change. I also wonder if he hasn't actually got a serious personality flaw, based on the fact that he's got $40k debt on credit cards and possibly strange sexual behaviour that I've already covered.

In short, no I don't think it will work. Neither do I necessarily think that right now is the time to end it. I also think however that you should stop posting repeated questions about this issue to get us to tell you what you want to hear. Keep your worries to yourself - they're there for a reason, they're there to tell you something. Listen to yourself and listen to your gut. In many ways you seem really mature, but you're hardly the first person to repeatedly excuse the unreasonable behaviour and differences they have with their partners. You have got yourself into a position where you're the 'mature' one in the relationship and he's reckless, less caring and less needful of you. These aren't things you should continue to overlook. These are things that only people who're kidding themselves that things are really alright should overlook.

Good luck. You've got your whole life ahead of you. Go out and get what you want from a partner - don't settle. And don't tell yourself you should settle. I know you love him, but you can love others too, perhaps even more deeply. And you won't have to accept things that deep down you can't.

Answer 8

Ok it is normal for you to doubt, it shows how you want to make the relationship works and it shows that you wants to make it works and scared if later the relationship doesnt go well.
I guess you know this already that every relationships have their problems. We marry another person and everyone has different personality, background, religion/belief, and education. Actually, in my opinion, two people with different side, are hard to mix together but it will bring a good result in the end (if you can blend together good), you will eventually influence each other. If you still love him, dont ever think to leave him or think toooooo much or negative stuff yet ok? it is wrong, You have to be open minded with him and get used to his different ways, both of you must do the ROLE in relationship, he has to be willing to change or compromise or understand you more. My parents are different people too, they often argue and fight but in the end they learn to "give" and "take" then they are happy untill now. If your energy of "Love" is strong, both are commit to each other sooooo strong, you will eventually last long, trust me, because you already have a basic to make things work, that is Love.
tell you, even people with simmilarity wont last long, it is all how you boh MANAGE TO take and give, forgive, and TRUST, RESPECT (IMPORTANT!!). With strong love, you will be able to overcome all problems in the future.
In addition you cant leave him because you dont want to feel lonely, you dont have anyone else that can give love as much as him in my opinion and from my personal exp, having someone that really different from yourself, sometime is good too, everything must be balance, it is also written in Chinese book. One quiet, one agrresive.. one like this, one like that, so you can complete each other and support in other in any ways (not only the same ways always). But the most important is to talk out about this to some1 u trust and see their opinion :)

good luk!!

Answer 9

Sorry your having these problems,, I know how you are feeling... I think I'm going through the same thing now,, i mean to the most part we r alike but totally opposite when it comes to responsibility.. I think doubts are normal but u also need to be completely happy before settling down. I know i cant break it off with my guy cause of the same reasons u said,, and i love him,, U know there the one 4 u when u are happy all the time,, just talk to him and maybe u both can compromise

Answer 10

I am engaged to a total opposite! We have been together for 8 years. We are so opposite that it often DRIVES ME CRAZYYYYY!!!!! But, on the other hand I can't imagine a life without him.

Just listen to your heart, you'll know what's right. Don't forget that opposites attract! Wouldn't it be a little bit boring if you were exactly the same? This way you can learn from one another, different view points, and hobbies. Good luck :)

Answer 11

never be in the position of lyin on your deathbed in old age mumbling incoherently "what if" or "i wonder"

people have doubts about regular relationships, its only natural to have more doubt when you factor in this angle of being complete opposites, if you guys have seperated and gone back to each other several times then your love may be strong enough to last.

sometimes all you need is love, either it will work or it won't, but at least take the chance to find out if it will before writing it off as a bad idea, you never know

remember, opposites atract