Ok well so here is goes, I am 20 years old and my birthday is monday but i really do not care about it. I am deeply in love with my ex and I am 15 weeks carrying his child. For the last 2 weeks all i have heard is that he wanted to work stuff out and be with my and our baby, but now he does not. I am so alone. I need help and I need a friend. I know I want this baby but I am not sure what do about him. Should I even try to get him involved? I do not want him to be on the birth certificate because i do not want him to have anything to do with the baby. How is it fair that he can have nothing to do with the pregancy but after the baby is born he can have all the glory. What do i do? Can someone please talk to me and become my friend in this real time of need.
2006-08-03 18:10:37 · 12 answers · asked by kmylander03 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
It is probably so tempting to be mean and say that no you can't see the baby...but after you think about it..the ONLY person you would be hurting in the end would be the child.Though it seems so unfair that you have to do all the hard work..being pregnant,labor,up in the middle of night and all he will do is have fun with the baby,it is still in the best interest of the child to have 2 parents and have a father figure in their life.Speaking from experience and not having a Father,it REALLY does matter!I would suggest though that you do make him be responsible and make him pay ChildSupport.He has to realize he is going to be responsiblein some kind of way if he's going to be in the baby's life.I wish you the best and if you need someone to "talk" to you can email me at:espernza22@yahoo.com!
2006-08-03 18:22:15 · answer #1 · answered by JW27 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I've been here . Alot of us have. First of all, give the baby your last name. Whether or not you put the father on the birth certificate. If you don't put him on it he can still petition the court for a DNA test after the birth. What you want to do is start emailing him and print out his responses to bring to court so maybe the judge will see that he had no interest in your childs' well being from the start. Invite him to Dr appt. and for any sonograms you may have and if he doesn't go to at least one sonogram to get a look at the baby and has no interest to even see him thats a start. Next become friends with his mom and keep her informed if she isn't ashamed of how her son is I'd be suprised. Make sure you get him to help prepare financially ahead of time too. The baby will need clothing etc. before he comes home from the hospital, if he doesn't help, he'll look bad in the eyes of the judge. And at least you can get more child support. Is he paying for any medical expenses? Or did you have to go on medicaid? Is it possible that he was cheating on you around the time you concieved? Then he was risking yours and your baby's life, due to aids and other serious disease. No matter what you do don't give the baby his last name! Give the baby your name. This guy could disappear at any time in your kids life and you'll be the one filling out all your kids school and doctor appt. info...do you want to have to write his name that many times or yours. If you do put dads name on the birth certificate only list him as the father so he doesn't claim there was any doubt in paternity. But give that child your last name! Good luck to you and your baby.
2006-08-03 18:28:34 · answer #2 · answered by CJ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry you are going through this right now. I can not tell you exactly. I know that he could come to regret it later. If you are entirely sure it is his he needs to be on the birth certificate. However, if he is doubting the paternity you should have a test. The baby is the most important thing in your life. It sounds like your ex is very undecisive. Your hormones are very out of balance which doesn't help the situation. It's his choice to get involved but I would still leave the door cracked. I don't think it is fair. On to you. You have every right to be happy, and from the sound of it you are not. Don't give up on your happiness for someone who is undecisive. You deserve better. Things look bleak now I know. It will get better. When you see your baby you will know it was worth it. Though it will seem hopeless. I do not know exactly what to say. All I know is it's from the heart. Oh and if you want to talk my email address is kschatze@yahoo.com
2006-08-03 18:26:28 · answer #3 · answered by Kelly s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you are feeling. But first you need to realize that he is the father and you dont need to try and keep him out of your childs life just b/c you two arent getting along. It is too easy to use the child as leverage w/him. Dont. Second it isnt fair that you have to go through 9 months and then he gets to come in and pretend he really cared all that time. You still have a while to go. You two could still solve your differences. From experience though you shouldnt be w/someone just b/c you have a child w/them. He may be confused and scared right now. Do try and allow him a little time to figure out where he wants to be in this childs life. You dont have to wait forever. You are in a real emotional state right now too. Pregnancy is hard on some ppl. My husband and I have 6 children and each pregnancy was different. Make sure you have someone there for you though when you do give birth. You also need to make sure you dont stress too much (I know its easier said than done).
If you need someone to talk with I would be happy to be there for you. Sometimes it just really helps to talk.
2006-08-03 18:33:40 · answer #4 · answered by mmkakkbb8 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you've got your hands full. You don't have to put his name on the birth certificate if you don't want to, but if he really wants to be involved he can go to court for a paternity test and visitation, etc. I know, my ex is miserable and back after five years (my kids are 5 and 7 - they don't even know him).
The important thing is that you know you want your baby. Take good care of yourself and your baby. You are the world to each other. And if the father wanted to be involved, and now doesn't, well that's just fine for you and your baby. I did it alone for five years, and you can too. It'll be fine.
Be healthy and don't worry about your ex. You have your head in a good place, you know what your struggles are and to reach out for help. And your heart will heal, too. You will get over the man even if it doesn't feel like it now. Just focus on the good things you have, including the life growing inside of you. And, no it's not fair that men can walk away and come back any ol' time. It downright sucks.
Email me anytime rachelsloan23
2006-08-03 18:25:52 · answer #5 · answered by Super Rach 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm glad that you asked for help and advice instead of trying to deal with by yourself i can tell that this is very stressful for you and that's not what you need right now
first off you should put his name on the birth certificate if he aknowledges that he is the father but give the baby your last name that way when your son/ daughter gets older they know who the father is even if he's not in their life
secondly i say that you should ask him to go to the doc visits if he does then that's great but if not then you know that he's not ready to be involved and maybe you should move on don't make yourself miserable just to have him in your baby's life you deserve to be happy i wish you luck with everything that is happeneing and congrats on becoming a mommy and i'm here if you wanna chat some more email me anytime
2006-08-04 06:10:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should keep him involved in the baby's life even though y'all r having problems it still doesn't change the fact that he's the baby's father take it from me it's not easy growing up without knowing your father y'all should just sit down and work your problems out i hope this helps if u still want to talk u can im me on yahoo star_flower_2006 good luck
2006-08-03 18:18:38 · answer #7 · answered by Ash 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey u dont need a man to support you. ilearnt that the hard way. im pretty much raisin my daughter on my own and im 14. evne tho her father and i are still together and enged and inlove we still fight alot. if you dont want him on the certifiacte then dont put him on there. you want the baby then keep the baby. if a 13 yr old can do it then so can you. look into wic around your town they help out alot. w/ formula and some food. if you need more help then feel free to email me
2006-08-03 18:19:45 · answer #8 · answered by baby angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's NOT fair that they get to skip out on morning sickness, and then on child support, but then are able to run around bragging that "they" have a son/ daughter... My Ex-fiancee was SOO excited when I told him I was preg, that HE called my parents! but when he was supposed to show up, he didn't ... I kept the baby, gave him my maiden name (cause I'm divorced), and managed fine without his dad... but I still LOVE his dad. and I haven't heard a word from him since that day.......... it's hard. Feel free to lean on me......... I may not be in the same exact situation now( i'm 37), but I'm willing to be a friend...
2006-08-03 18:31:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell his parents and they will put pressure on him so you don't get accused of being a nag. Also have paperwork ready to sue for child support in case he skips out.
2006-08-03 18:15:59 · answer #10 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋