how can i learn to love someone else ,after being married to the same man for 22 years ?but we are now divorced.
2006-08-03 16:59:35 · 14 answers · asked by Lora T 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Its going to come to you when you least expect it, just know that it can happen. Dont get into a hurry of things. Enjoy being single and focus on whats important most in your life, especially if you have kids. Depending on your situation, it maybe hard for you to believe that you could ever love again...especially if it was not a mutual decision to divorce. And then again you might have been the one that wanted it and loving again isnt so far out of reach. Just give yourself time to get out of one relationship before trying another but only yourself will know when its your time to love again and how to go about it.
2006-08-03 17:07:18 · answer #1 · answered by heather b 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly what you are going through. I felt the same and thought i could never trust again. You will be able to move forward as soon as you find time for yourself and put you first. You will have a lot of walls built up and think that every man is a dog or a pig for awhile. Believe it or not, those walls will start to come down and you will be able to feel that trust in time. You will be a stronger and more independent person for all that you have gone through. When you do find that someone and you open up to love again, it will be more rewarding than ever. Just don't rush into things, take the time to get to know each other. You might find out that you have more to offer than what you had with your past relationship. Learn from that experience and enjoy being in a stress free environment for a while. Good luck and keep your head up!
2016-03-16 13:27:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to realize that there are many men out there, and many who will want to hang out with you. Many will appreciate your sense of humor, kindness, generosity, gentleness, thoughtfulness, integrity, courage, strength, creativity, accomplishments, experience, wisdom, and all of the other redeeming qualities you have to offer. Those thing do not disappear with divorce, even if it feels like they do. You need to forgive yourself and find those things again; those things about you that make you, YOU. Learn from any mistakes that contributed to your divorce (I am sure you have at least some responsibility in it) and forgive your ex-husband for his shortcomings. Life's too short to stay hurt and bitter. Besides, those things will make you unattractive to others, so move on. Get happy with yourself. Master a skill. take yoga, thai-chi, ballroom dancing, pottery, volunteer with the handicapped children, stay busy. There are many people who need you and appreciate you. When you run into someone who you should keep around, they will not let you forget about your great characteristics. And you will never wonder how they feel about you because you will know it confidently like you know your own name. Divorce doesn't define who you are. It just adds to your character and gives you more experience with life and live. Don't feel bad if you still love your ex...if you did before, then you always will. Just forgive him and thank him for the experience, move on and find yourself and your own happiness first. Others will want to share that with you....
2006-08-03 17:17:34 · answer #3 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one learns to fall in love, it is a natural thing that happens. But we do teach our selves how to control our emotions when it comes down to fallen in love with some one! The best thing for you to do right now, is to take things slow! I hope that you don't get offended by my bluntness!! There is no reason for you to try and rush love. You were married to the same man for 22yrs, that is a complete blessing in it's self! What ever caused your marriage to end, must have been pretty extreme! Because I believe that if I had been married to someone for that long of a time, I don't care what the argument was about, I would still be married to him. Marriage is a gift from God! It is something that you treasure for life! When you make that solemn vow to each other in the eyes of the Lord, the two of you are considered as one! Even though the two of you were having your ups & downs, You could have still stayed married to each other. All that the two of you would have had to do was seperate, and go your difirent ways! I truly hope that the two of you come to realize that the love you had for one another is still strong in your hearts! All that you guys have to do is show it and express it to one another!
Good Luck & God Bless!!!!
2006-08-04 01:12:48 · answer #4 · answered by bigred 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First you must focus on loving yourself - after that much time you've invested in the relationship it surely couldn't be easy - Getting into another relationship fairly soon after a divorce is not what you need - you may find that you enjoy the freedom of not having to consider another person when making decisions - Getting your groove back doesn't always involve getting into another relationship
2006-08-03 17:16:28 · answer #5 · answered by 2deep4u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't even imagine what you must be feeling...that is such a very long time to be with someone and then part. I can only think of one way and that is time. Pain usually takes awhile to go away and that would require time. Try and do as many things that you enjoy possible or that you have been putting off. When your heart is ready to love again it will let you know.
2006-08-03 17:06:54 · answer #6 · answered by Geez Louise 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think divorces are never one sided, in the sense, it is a mutual agreement to part for better life, unless you were forced to give in! In your case, looks like, now you regret your divorce!
Has your 22 years' life was peaceful? If yes, how come it reached to a stage of divorce?
If it was not peaceful, it is just that you were addicted / got used to him and it is just a matter of time before you get used to a new situations!
2006-08-03 17:22:08 · answer #7 · answered by ~Raju~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have trust and betrayal issue
unitl you clear all that up and feel good about yourself and the feeling that you can contribute to a relationship, you should be dating period, no man want a bitterand untrsuting women with baggage.. there is far too much fo that out there that you find a lot of 1 date wonder if you carry an attitude like that around.
2006-08-03 17:29:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
take it slow and focus on other important aspects of your life first to gain confidence... don't rush into anything
try to get back out there socially with friends and family members and maybe they can set you up with someone... dating sites are becoming safer and safer too (a friend of mine swore he'd never try one, and he did and the first person he met is now his wife of 5 years)
remember you are not alone and its likely to run into other divorcees going through the same thing
2006-08-03 17:03:54 · answer #9 · answered by tustudent 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you give him another chance? It's sweeter the second time around.
2006-08-03 22:06:57 · answer #10 · answered by snappy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋