Please Help !!! I am hiding a secret from my family ?

Question

I have been going out with a male friend, which I meet from the internet. He is the best thing that ever happen to me. But that's the secret I am hiding from my family and friends. I am gay and have been for several years. How can I tell my family I am gay, and not get disown or rejected from the people I care about.

Answer 1

First, the realization that you are gay is a big deal...and no matter what sort of "big deal" you present to your family...they will INITIALLY have a "big reaction". Whether you announce to them that you are gay...or whether you told them you are going to move to china and go into a monestary....either one is a "big deal" and there will be high emotions and opinions initially.

So....just be prepared for that initial somewhat chaotic and emotional period that will happen in the beginning.

In fact, it might be wise to make the announcement, talk a bit...and then get out of the situation for a few hours till everyone has time to think a bit.

THEN...later...the questions start. (most will revolve around denial)
*Are you sure
*You don't really know
*You are so young, maybe you are confused
*Did something happen to you when you were young to make you think this
*Maybe you should see a counselor because you are obviously confused
*You just haven't met the right girl
*You need to go to (church, the doctor, etc) and get 'better'
etc etc

After that will be the anger based comments and questions:
*Look what you are doing to your (mother, father, brother, sister, family, friends, neighbors, teachers, clergy)
*You are a spoiled selfish person with no regard to our hopes and dreams
*You only think of yourself
etc etc

After that will be the guilt based questions:
*What did I do to make my son gay
*How could I have not seen this and prevented it
*If only I didn't enroll him in that (art, dance, movie, etc) course
*I should have seen this coming and made some changes

After that will be the concern based questions:
*Do you know how difficult your life will be in this lifestyle
*Do you know how many people are not comfortable with that lifestyle
*What are we going to tell our friends/grandparents/siblings
*Are you being healthy
*Do you want to die from AIDs
*Don't you ever want kids

And lastly (FINALLY)...will be the questions that will be aimed towards open discussion...and they may be weeks or months away
*What can we do to learn more about you and your lifestyle
*How can we learn to be more accepting
*Can you help us in how we act when we finally meet one of your partners
*this is all new to us and we don't know what to do
*Does this mean you'll cut us off from part of your life
*Will you still love us even though we don't understand the lifestyle
*Will you let us still love you even though we may have acted like idiots over the last few months

You may even want to see a counselor for a session or two before making the announcement. Learn more about how people react to major changes in their lives. It may help you understand all the verbiage that will undoubtedly fly around after your announcement.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Ooh, tough call. It really depends on what you think your family would react. I might recommend conversation feelers initially, meaning try to have your family give you there views on homosexuality without revealing anything about yourself. It's not deception, just simply a way of planning the next step.

If you get the sense that they would not be debased by them for your sexuality, then you are clear to tell them. I'm not necessarily talking of acceptance of your sexuality, but the case where it's less important than how they feel about you otherwise. Hopefully that will be the case.

However, it's possible that they would have a homophobia so great that it would lead to the unfortunate scenario of personal rejection. In that case, I would recommend discussing it with a trained counselor first as I have no real suggestions. Perhaps a neutral third-party can act as a mediator in your situation.

Even if the best-case scenario of acceptance exists, you might still have the problem with having met your male friend via the Internet. That, I would guess, might make things harder in any situation. But if it's any consolation, that is an independent issue.

Answer 3

Sorry Honey its not a easy subjust to talk about its not like u can break the ice over dinner " pass the bread oh by the way im a homo"

its not something that anyone can tell u how to make it easier avoid its all going to depend on ur family and how open they are Mothers will always love regardes they gave u life they went through the labor pains, she may not approve at first but she will be the one that will be there all the time. Some fathers take it harder and some dont.

Its all a matter of Chance but its a chance ur going to have to take if u want to let ur secret known.

Find a support group PFLAG is a good group to join at least till u do tell them, they can give u more of a idea of how to tell ur family to lessen the Blow.

Answer 4

Are you married with children and that's the problem or is it good ol' mum and pops? I say if it's the latter then you should just sit them down and tell them, they will find out sooner or later and hopefully it comes from you.
If you are married then I would tell your wife and you should get a divorce and have shared parenting. There is no guarantee that your family won't dis-own you; this all depends on how open-minded they are. You can't keep the secret forever or it will consume you or you will get caught anyhow, and that's pretty embarrassing.

Answer 5

Didn't Ted Haggard fall from grace on account that he had intercourse with a male prostitute and would have used meth? I consider that Republican politicians disguise at the back of their faith to cover loved ones secrets and techniques due to the fact they understand it will get citizens for it makes them seem well and their rivals evil. They additionally understand that something they do, they may be able to simply use any other rationale. However, Republicans will have to not ever placed their religions on their sleeves for this can be a sleazy tactic and harms the separation of church and state.

Answer 6

telling your family is hard, but no matter what, they are your family. I have a gay cousin and I love her no matter her life choices. Family should support you, if I were you I'd just be honest. And yes it will be hard and if they dont except it at first just rememeber they will eventually come around. In order to be happy with yourself you need to be honest. That's the best way to go. The lie is what is really hurting you and everyone around you.

Answer 7

If your family loves you then how can they reject you? Does it matter in the end who you love? No !what matters is that you experience love with whomever you choose. They should support you not ridicule you.
(maybe they already know you're gay and just waiting for you to come out) You shouldn't have to hide who or what you are be proud of yourself!

Answer 8

This is harsh and to the point and i don't mean to hurt your feelings and if i do i am sorry but there is a perfect saying for this exact situation.
Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
So basically if they freak out about it... then they really don't matter. If they really loved you ... then they would always love you..not on the condition that they can pick who you love.
i truly hope this didn't hurt you...but it is your life and you have to do what is best for you... not for your family.
Good luck no matter what

Answer 9

well, it's hard to tell you that. we'd really need to know more details. are your parents really really conservative/religious?

maybe you could just tell your mother, as i think mothers have an easier time accepting that their sons are gay. just tell her it's how you feel, and that you have a boyfriend, and that he makes you really happy. she might initially be shocked, but probalby won't be really really upset. maybe then she can help you tell your father.

maybe you can first join some type of LGBT support group, and get pamphlets or something to help you explain.

well, that's all i can think of.
good luck, and congrats on finding someone nice
:)

Answer 10

calm down I'm almost willing 2 bet that half your family already have their suspicions and half already know. u should just b honest and not ashamed of who u r that makes things worse. if your family rejects u r disowns u because u r who u r then they r not family.