Did I mess it up? Men, what do you think?

Question

I started dating a guy whom I was crazy about. However, I thought he was not that into me. Because even though he was very attentive when he was with me, he would not call me often. Then I went away for 4 weeks, he did not contact me in any way. When I came back I bumped into him, but acted distant because I was very disappointed. He did not call me after that. I didn't either. Should I have pursued him? Did I lose him because I was being too old-fashioned in expecting a man to pursue a woman?

Answer 1

you where wrong!! you need to get the nerve up and tell him what you did

Answer 2

It sounds over by the last sentences. If so then make one last call. By the way in some areas pursueing can be labelled stalking usually against men (or the occasional woman) It's supposedly an era of equal rights and responsibilites between the genders so try asking him straight questions, like a post-purchase interview cardealers make to recent customers. LOL.

I don't know your guy but if I were him, I'd like to know what you want. From you. You need to know from him. Are there telephones that work where you live? If yes then I'd call him and simply ask what went wrong? Tell him you just need to better understand men and take it with a grain of salt. You may be surprised , he may tell you straight away giving you some satisfaction at the KNOWING level rather than FEELING circuits. My question would be what went wrong

Answer 3

wow what a coincidence. I am in that kind of relationship right now, but I'm actually the guy ignoring my girl, so i guess I'm perfect for answering your question. I decided to date this girl, although I didnt like her as much as i liked other girls in the past. I was also attentive when i was with her because I wanted to give the relationship a shot, but I felt that I had nothing to talk about with her, even the few times we talked on the phone, so instead of obligating myself to call her, I decided not to anymore so I wouldnt have to sit there in the midst of an awkward silence.

That girl just went to Korea for a month and hasnt reurned yet, but even if she was here, I didnt intend to call because to be honest I really just wasnt into her. Other gfs that ive had in the past I called frequently and had long conversations, but that was only because I really liked them, whereas with this girl I only sorta liked her from the beginning. Also because I didnt see her in a while, I grew even less and less fond of her. When she gets back Im planning on officially breaking up with her, so in your case, which i believe is very similar, i say move on. and he didnt like you that much to begin with. It didnt have anything to do with you not pursuing him enough. If my girl attempted to continuously pursue me, i would seriously just get really annoyed. Hope I helped

Answer 4

No, you didn't messed up because there wasn't much of a relationship to start with.

The fact that you have dated and he was attentive probably means that he was polite and willing to give the relationship a try. If you are interested to further this relationship you should have contacted him during the 4 weeks break - instead of waiting for him to call.

Now it is probably too late to rekindle the fire.

Answer 5

Hate to be negative, but it seems to me, that you never really had him to begin with.
He didn't call you, that often. You went away for a month, he didn't bother to get in touch, you bump into him when you got back, and he didn't care, that you were there.
What part did I miss that you thought he was your boyfriend?
Wake up, he was just an acquaintance, so now, find a real boy friend, who will call and will care if you leave town.

Answer 6

keep in mind that few men expect to pursue a women and have it work now a days, with a 50% plus divorce rate natioanlly ( higher in southerm CA ) men have good reason to be a bit cautios about women.. and the games they play. you gave hime a 4 week window, he can easily meet another women in that time, especially if she is not as needy and lets him breathe a little.

Answer 7

You can pursue him BUT not too hard - if he continues to act uninterested, let it go.

You ask "did I mess it up?" but it was not just you there - he was part of messing it up, too.

Remember, you won't always get everything you want, even if you do everything you "should" do. So you could call him but after that let it go. There are other guys who will pursue you - I guarantee it.

Answer 8

Why are we scared to take a chance? How hard is it to call or email him and just ask? That what if or should I have does not count toward anything. If you want him tell him. He can only say yes or no. got a better idea. Send him a note: Do you like me, check yes or know. Simple

Answer 9

You know what? Old fashioned is the only way to go. You let him come to you. He is not worth your time and effort if he isn't going to pursue you. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

Answer 10

HE was not that interested. What part of you thinks he was...he went out with you here and there, didn't bother to call you, didn't notice that you were gone for 4 weeks....hmmmm Yep, sounds like absolute love to me too. Sorry, babe, your idea of love and mine are very different. Good luck

Answer 11

You should have asked him why he never called. Lay things out, that's what intimacy and trust are all about. You may not have gotten what you wanted, but you haven't got it now either.

Still, he should have contributed more, just by nature (whether male or not.)