Disappearing sex. But is it me?

Question

My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly a year now and over the last four to five months Iv'e noticed a huge drop in our sexual activity. When were first started having sex we would do it two to three times a week (if I was luck). -I've got a much higher sex drive than she does- But now if I don't put a huge amount of effort into it, to the point that she's too horny not to, there's no chance of it happening. The last gap between having sex was three weeks.

She knows that I want to but the moment I mention the thought of it I'm shot down by 'I'm tired', 'Let me sleep' and 'I need to go shower' followed by 'I've got to go to work'. I'd add that these occur at all different time of the day, if she's asleep, I let her sleep and don't wake her up.

The other day she actually told me that we wouldn't do it then, but instead told me to wait 'til Tuesday!?

I'm getting worried that she doesn't love me anymore and don't know what to do. Talking's nearly impossible.

Is it me???

I started a new job 3 months ago, working night shifts so see her less offen to, but I'm no longer her manager which has removed tons of stress from our relationship, so it's not that we fight/argue a lot either.

She's even started to invite her friends to go out with us when we're having a day out together, alone.

In response to her possibly not loving me, she openly admits that she does, and sees us having a future together.

I don't even think she knows that I'm being affected this much. If I try to touch on the subject she redirects it to me being wrong about something.

Sorry, adding more stuff..

She's definately not getting some on the side, we spend most of our free time together (use to until this week, spending time with my family).

On the trying to be romantic side, I try but get seem to get shot down her slightest thought that the candle-light bubble-fulled bath is because I want sex.

Answer 1

This is a situation that needs communication. A lot of communication. Don't jump to any conclusions because there can be any number of them to choose from.

Doctors are now saying that there is a hormonal imbalance that occurs in some women that causes this. Therapists blame it on some sort of stress. A lot of people would say that she's not happy with you. Again, don't jump to any conclusions just yet. Talk to her. If she can find the time to do that, then you've at least got one excuse taken away from her.

Good luck.

___________________________

Unfortunately Panacea is correct in that, some women do start to take their man for granted. If you find this to be the case you have my sympathy, for there is nothing you can do about that other than find someone else. Sorry, hope this isn't the case.

Answer 2

My honest opinion is that sex just really isn't that important to her. Some women just don't have a very high sex drive. Any new relationship I've had has ALWAYS started out with sex everyday. Sometimes 2 or 3 times a day. Then it will taper down, naturally, to 3 or 4 times a week after a while. I don't think it's that you're doing anything wrong because if you STARTED OUT only 3 or 4 times a week, that says to me she's just not all that into sex. She can get medicine for that. To increase her sex drive, or you can just accept her the way she is. Easier said than done, I know! I certainly don't think I could go 3 weeks without with a man sleeping right next to me! But I believe she does love you. So, no. It's not you. Good luck!

Answer 3

She's steppen out slick--if you love her tell her you are a grown man and either she talks to you about her new love life or you will go and have yourself a cup of her own medicine (cup of satisfaction)...Has she been to see a doc lately how old is she does she have any children...She could be having a medical thing and just not willing to level with you about it.
Maybe you should try a little romance...you know dedicate a song on the radio have a few candles burning maybe a surprise delivery of some flowers at her office something to let her know that sex is not more important than she is and you are trying to be patient...
It is hard for anyone to try to walk into your world to know what you have tried and what you have not...
I think you seem to be a very patient man--don't lose it NOW

Answer 4

well to be honest i do the same thing as that girl but thats because i have a contraceptive injection which makes sex extremily painful at the beginning. So i try and avoid it,

Try being as romantic as possible touch her in a nice getle way try and find ways of getting her going theres always a way you just need to find it trust me it's taken my b/f bout 6 months to find it just keep trying.......It will happen trust me, and if it doesn't then just ask her if there your doing something wrong (like you could be doing things that dont turn her on try some foreplay) maybe she can guide you and show you how she likes it. I have a high sex drive but it's gone down due to my injection....

Answer 5

If you get two or three girlfriends on the side, your first girlfriend will suddenly find that she wants to have sex with you.

You might want to ponder the implications of that for any long term committments with women, especially her.

or, if you need me to spell it out for you, she doesn't feel the need to put energy or effort into you, including sexual because she no longer respects you. The source of that lack of respect is taking you for granted. When she can no longer do that, her horniness will magically return. Her horniness has little to do with you and everything to do with how she feels she can get away thinking about you and her relationship with her.

This is sick, sad, and wrong but unavoidably true. You either use this knowledge to your advantage or it runs you over.

Answer 6

I'd have to agree with dream_angel...you need something new and exciting. Heres a hint for you though...and with you being together for a year you should know this already...every..and I do mean every woman has a spot on them that will get them interested in sex no matter if they don't want it...know her spot...I'm not talking about the "private" spots...I'm talking about the body as a whole...there is a place....example...for me, it's my neck...My guy goes after that...if I didn't want sex a minutes ago...I do when he goes there...

Answer 7

Tricky tricky, i have same problem but other way round i want sex my husband does not. I went without for 7 months, how sad is that but cause i love him i waited. Now from a womans point of view, with my ex it was me that went of sex and i think i may be wrong that she is either fallen out of love but too fightened to admit it or she loves you but more in a companion way.

Answer 8

I don't know if she has low sex drive, or perhpaps she is on the pill or another medicine which is affecting her. If there is no easy cure solution or you are not suited sexually I would definitely advise you to move on. A relationship cannot survive happily if a couple is not in balance sexually, unfortuantely love is not enough.

Answer 9

No, women sometimes feel this way. It's nothing to worry about. Maybe if you start acting uninterested she will come around. That is coming from my son's best friend Ryan (who doesn't have this problem). Ryan also says you are probably trying too hard. Ryan says he would just start going to bed like she does. Act like your not interested.

Answer 10

The sex is getting boring, that's the problem. You need to find a way to make it exciting again to interest her.