Going crazy............got advice.?

Question

My husband had a blank (you can fill it in) with a stripper they did not have sex but close enough. In spit e of the obvious pain it was causing me he talked wth her on the phone sent emails and pictures for months. It eventually came down to me saying me or her. I guess they don't communicate anymore, but I can't get over it . Why did the whole thing happen, I get so angry just thinking about it, makes me sick. I dont talk to him about it because I told him that I wouldn't but it just eats away at me. He chose me, but it was because i forced him. They went to clubs spent nights in hotels together, he hid the relationship by calling her Jeremy,he doesn't seem to feel bad abuot it,he says he had a lot of fun, he says reason he did it was boredom. why didn't he tell me this, why did he need her????I'm finding it very diffcult to have the motivation to be a good wife, some days are harder than ever. my question, got a million...basically what do i do now?not good enough thenwhataboutnow

Let me give you some more details ... First of all, my husband (of 6 years w/ 3 beautiful children) has never been unfaithful to me before, and in fact, hasn't even ever had sex with anyone other than me. When we were younger and dating he had gotten into some legal trouble, and was sent to prison/drug treament facility for almost 2 years. We attempted to keep the relationship going, but it became very difficult. He spent those next two years making huge changes in his life and came out, enroled in college, and now has a great job and is a wonderful dad. That was 7 years ago that he was released, and he took ME back... even after he knew that I had slept with several of his closest friends while he was incarcerated. I've asked him if this was payback or something, but he says no. "Supposedly," she was just a drug connection, who became a friend. I am an extremely jealous person. I have been injecting Meth EVERYDAY for the past six months, his "affair" was a year ago... WHY AM I CRAZY?

Answer 1

You guys HAVE to talk about it...and with a counselor would be best. If they spent nights together in hotels, they had sex. Period. I'm not saying your marriage can't survive this, but there are issues which go beyond the infidelity. They must be dealt with.

Answer 2

Boredom or not what he did was wrong!!!

You say he told you they never had sex.
Seriously, they spent nights together in hotels.
I think that there was more than playing going on!

Chances are he is still sneaking around with her but being more careful. And he will slip up somewhere along the line sooner or later.

Everyone's marriage hits the boredom level at some point and time. He should have been honest with you and together you could have fount a solution by spicing things up, and trying new things.
I think if he truly loved you and respected you he never would have e-mail her, talked on the phone with her in front of you and went out with her in the first place.

And how long will it be before he gets bored again?

My advice to you is this if you truly love him and are willing to forgive him then go get counseling and see exactly what drove him to this. I don't think you will be able to beat this on your own.

If it was me I would end it. You deserve better. And you deserve someone who loves all of you and who is honest.

I know that it isn't easy to just walk away. But in my heart I think you would be better off too.

I hope this helps some. Good luck

Answer 3

I can't imagine how horrible you must be feeling. You didn't mention how long you were married, if you have children, etc. I feel these things are important to take into consideration. Also, I am concerned that he probably did have sex with this stripper. Did they use protection? Could he have exposed you to STD'S? I would highly recommend you seek counseling - probably individual therapy so you can get a handle on your own feelings first. I think the fact that he told you he had fun shows that he is pretty uncaring about your feelings. Only you can decide if your marriage is worth saving. This is a decision that you will have to take time to make, taking everything into consideration. Good luck to you. You WILL get through this. Let me also recommend reading Iyanla VanZant "The Value In The Valley" and "In The Meantime."

Answer 4

When you like a guy call him all of the time, every day and be sure to tell him you love him after a couple of weeks. Also be very jealous of every other women, even his sister and mom. Want some more??? Eat lots of pizza and drink beer every day. Call out to work and just stay home ordering pizza and drinking beer, do it for months and months. Never leave your house, just order it in, the beer too. Buy a bunch of stuff on credit. Everything that you have ever wanted you should buy, don't save for it though, just put it on your credit card that way you don't have to wait. The best piece of bad advice that I have to offer entails swimming in the ocean. Always make sure to tie pieces of dead bloody chicken scraps around your ankles, especially if you're surfing.

Answer 5

YIKES......no wonder you're going crazy. OK...take a good look at this scenario. Your husband meets up with a stripper, goes out and has a damn good time with her, and then......continues his reationship with her by emailing her and sending pictures. Not only did he do that, he spent nights with her in hotels.....and I'm sure it wasn't to just hold hands. Not you tell him you won't talk about it anymore! Why????? This is only eating at you. He did what he did and he not only deserves to be talked to about it, but he deserves a lot more than that.....it's called DIVORCE! He didn't care enough about you to admit he had made a mistake; he just continued on as though it was perfectly ok. In my eyes, this marriage is doomed. This is something that you won't get over. You might love him, but honestly, what he did is not love. He only cared and still only cares about himself. Sad to say, but it's time to let him go........and I'd bet....a million to one....he still has communication with the stripper! Please, for your own sanity, let this man go and find someone else that can provide you with the love that you deserve. Best of luck!!!

Answer 6

FIRST and foremost stop having sex with him and get him tested!! then get therapy. you need someone to talk to and get all this pain out. It is a huge rejection and blow to you. I would be furious and i would go get therapy as soon as possible so you can get over it or on with your life without him
you do not need a man who stoops so low to screw a stripper and then go into your bed at night. I mean for him to take her to hotels, and out that is pretty sick. he sounds like a cheater that will never be cured from it. He gets bored and cheats? that is the worst type of cheater. Some make mistakes in life for one reason or another but to use tht excuse is just lame. We all get bored, marriage is work but you don't **** the first stripping tramp you meet and wine and dine her. That is wrong. You need to know you are worth more than that and that there is a man that would love to love you and give you all the things you need. Not some fly by his seat cheating slob who thinks with his penis. He sound selfish, immature and desperate. Please go speak to someone and soul search...i will keep you in my thoughts

Answer 7

This is a cost benefit analysis question.... You have an investment as a wife with this person. You gave him an ultimatum to pull out his investment in a second stock as you felt that you should be his primary stock or you were going to withdrawal. He complied but you still feel as if he has overdrawn on your "relationship account" so I can put it to you like this: Are you willing to wait until he deposits more to this account and accumulate the required makeup interest? or do you cut your investment losses and go back and play the market? Let me leave you with this thought.... the longer you put into this investment.... the more the cost... remember time is money.

Answer 8

I find it extremely hard to believe that he went to hotels with her and did not have sex. I think you also know that.

Of course you find it hard to forget and are experiencing a great deal of difficulty with motivation as his wife. What does he expect?

If his excuse is that he was bored, would this not happen the next time he gets bored? We do get bored from time to time.

He needs to grow up, assume responsibility for his wreck less behavior, ask your forgiveness, do whatever he has to do to assure you of his love for you, and join the real world of married people who WORK to keep their spouses happy.

I would demand marriage counseling. If he refused to agree to it send him packing. Make the man understand he will quickly learn what boredom is without you if he's not willing to stop "passing the buck," and get in the "game."

Answer 9

i feel so sorry for you. If you can't take it anymore, leave him. Think carefully, because once over, no point in going back. He is reall an AWFUL guy and I think you have been a wonderful woman to be able to take it.
But if he really said he loves you and this will not happen again, think about it. If you really love him and know he is your true one and you can forgive him, FORGIVE him and tell him how much it hurts you and is eating you up.

Good luck.

Answer 10

How can you even stand to be in the same room with him, to say the least sleep with him after what he has done....
What were you thinking even wanting him back....The fact that you forgave him and accepted him back, he would think he got away with it once he will do it again...Once a cheat always a cheat....What kind of excuse is boredom.....how can you accept that? If he truly loved you he wouldn't even be looking at other women....Cant you see? He wants his cake and eat it too.
His timid little wife at home, cooking, cleaning, and looking after him and his lover to make love too....
Wake up and see that what he is doing is killing you. Your self esteem, your confidence, your values, your right to speak your mind.
Tell him to get stuffed!!!!!!!