Big Marriage Problem..?

Question

I walked in on my wife with another man two days ago, I was supposed to be gone for a few days visiting my parents. She tried to explain it to me but ended up admitting she had planned having sex with him. I'm thinking about maybe a divorce but we have two kids and know these sort of things can hurt them mentally. What should I do?

Answer 1

I'd have a talk with her and tell her that you are considering separation or divorce. As for the 2 kids...they'll be fine...it would hurt them more to be raised in an unhappy home. Talk to your wife....maybe you can mend the situation. However, she has to regain your trust....not easy but it can be done.

Answer 2

Say Tata...call an lawyer, prepare to pay child support, but no alimoney. You may even get custody of the kids...and then she will pay child support. You will never have a relationship that is worth anything again. Your wife is a liar and a cheat...what more can I say...she set you up, and you can damned well bet this isn't the first time it has happened....all those little unexplained absences, etc....You and I both know she is no stranger to this.
IF you can live with this, then do so...but I am betting you cannot. Why even ask? LIving with her for the kid's sake is pure lunacy. The kids will not be the better for it, that is for sure. Good luck, and I am very sorry this has happened to you. Been there and done that...tried to work it out, and I'll be damned, as soon as it settled down, she was back to it...caught again with all kinds of excuses...and of course, it was all my fault.

Answer 3

I am sure this is not the first time this have happen. I mean what type of people is she bringing home and into your marrage around your kids what if the person is crazy and he decided to molest your child or something people do that and also what if she gives you something. If you guys get a divorce then you have to make the kids understand that you are both there for them and share them equally. And! You are wondering about there mental state what if they had walk in on them. The trust is gone in your marriage you have a choice regain it with your wife or move on.

Answer 4

She has already made her choice, which preceeds you, your children, and the family. Why question that? Why raise kids around that? It will just teach them that in a marriage, there is no trust, loylaty, and it's ok for someone to disregard everyone else. She is just too afraid to be alone, so she was interviewing your replacement so she will not have to go without. How inconsiderate to you, but especially YOUR CHILDREN. Kids always make it their fault, becuase at their mentality and brain development, the world is all about them. They need to know that she cheated them and that your family is splitting up because she chose to make it that way. Don't back down and show these kids it's acceptable!!!!! They will hurt, but it will hurt them worse in their futures if they learn that this is how adult married people act, and forever perpetuate this type of behavior. Leave her and take the kids and find someone more worthy of you, and them.

Answer 5

It's up to you what you should do, but here is what you can do:

You CAN use her guilt to get her to agree to no alimony as soon as possible and start the ball rollling on divorce as quickly as possible with a joint lawyer. You CAN tell her that if she agrees to no alimony and full visitation, you will keep everything discreet, you won't confront her boyfriend, and you will spare her mother, father, and friends the gory details of what you saw and heard, and why you want the divorce. You CAN also tell her that if she wants to fight you on it, all bets are off, and just like how your problems started, how this whole thing goes will be up to her.

You CAN do that. But you have to decide what to do. Your kids will suffer whether you divorce or stay together, this is a big deal.

The worst thing you can do is make a big stink with her family or confront her boyfriend or get drunk and do something stupid like yell or hit or break something. Don't do anything without thinking through the consequences.

Answer 6

divorce is an option...but therapy is the right route first. Children are the innocent ones in this because they did not ask to be brought here. She made a horrible decision and she disrespected you and your children in your own home....that is low. But.. you have to think to your self what is really going on in the marriage and if the marriage is worth saving...before this encounter what was going on? did you guys have a good thing or a bad thing? did she fulfill you sexually, mentally, emotionally and securely? Did you do the same for her? If not and that led to this disaster then you may need to go for counseling to salvage whatever it is you once had. If the relationship is not worth it and it is full of disrespect, abuse, dishonesty and disloyalty then it is time to move on both of you. Children would thrive much better with two good parents in seperate homes then two bad parents who hate eachohter in the same...good luck to you

Answer 7

If you feel that the best thing for you and your wife is a divorce then do it. It's better that your kids come from a broken home rather then they live in a broken home. Also I think you should talk to your wife and ask her why she did what she did. If you love your wife and can forgive her then make it work.... If not don't base your decision thinking about the children. They will always be your children and you'll always be a part of their lives. Good Luck

Answer 8

Obviously there is a problem if she was planning on having sex with another man. You should talk to her about it. Lots of times it is better to divorce for the kids then to go through all the tension that you will produce from your relationship if you were to stay together, especially now that you can't trust her. The kids aren't stupid and they will know something is wrong. It is really hard to come back from something like that, I would definately try to honestly and openly talk to her...good luck!

Answer 9

Wow, I can't imagine the pain you are feeling.
Something tells me though that your wife if feeling alot of things right now too, unless she's got a narcissistic personality. She's probably suffering guilt, embarrassment and some shame as well a scared to death that you will somehow spill the beans to your children or use this against her.
Both of you need to be in counseling, possibly by yourselves and then together to find out why she felt she needed to stray in your marriage and for yourself to learn how to move on from this shock. Personally, I do not believe in divorce anymore. I made the choice to divorce my husband for the same reason in 1999 and then prayed that our marriage would reconcile, which it did 2 1/2 yrs. later. What it did to our children is still evident to this day. I was able to forgive him for his affair, but not until after many, many counseling sessions later and lot's of late night conversations. Please know that you can forgive her and that you all can move on and learn from this experience and actually your marriage can be better than ever, but it will take alot of work....I pray you all can work this out....

Answer 10

I would think about marriage counseling. Doing what feels right at the moment may not always be the best thing in the end. Marriage Counseling offers solutions to alot of different problems.
After you have tried the marriage counseling and things still are not working out for you, I would go with what you feel is right.
Sometimes it is better for the child for the parents to be apart than it is for them to be together. Who wants to grow up seeing the distrust and anger in their parents?

Answer 11

As harsh as this may sound: I hate it when parents stray together :for the kids' sake". It's artificial. The children Will sense the animosity and hatred that often builds between ex-mates. In reality, it Will be nothing more than you and your wife living together because you'd hate to break the news to your children. They will respect you more for being honest with them than having tricked them all along and feigning happiness. Walking in on your mate with another man must be cruel, however, it's not necessarily the end. I know you must be angry and upset, but many couples decide to step back and say "what did I do to cause her/him to cheat?" Reconciliation is just one of your many sane options, lying to your children should not be.