I have been dating the man of my dreams for 8 months. About 2 months ago I realized he was a closet drinker. He would wate until I went to bed and stay up and drink. I have begun snooping around and found out that he was drinking vodka straight about a 1/2 gallon a day. Last week I confronted him and he started to cry said he had a problem and wanted to quit. He asked me to stay with him and I did for a week. This morning I woke up and found him reaking of alchol. I left and went home he called me mad that I went home and I could tell he was drinking. I don't know what to do I feel like the alchol police snooping around in the trash for empty bottles, and I am sure he is going to get sick of my complaining about it what do I do. Stay for the good times or leave.
2006-08-03 13:33:51 · 9 answers · asked by catsmeow 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
For the past 8 months, "the man of your dreams" has been pulling the wool over your eyes. The man you thought he was doesn't exist.
Walk away. If he cares enough (about you AND himself), he'll straighten himself out. And he will need to be alone for awhile to figure out how to do that. If he does, you need to start from day one again, and he needs to be honest.
2006-08-06 15:33:14 · answer #1 · answered by raysny 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well - from the very few people I know who are alcoholics....it is an addiction which is truly hard to overcome. Almost impossible. And when this addiction is revealed in a relationshipt it is like what you are describing : With the promise to stop drinking and really wanting out. A lot of crying and tears. But not really a change.
So - unless your boyfriend does not really participate in a detox program and regularly and seriously joins anonymous alcoholics groups and meetings then there is no change. He seriously needs to want to quit. But the addiction itself lets this seriosuness disappear the longer he did not have a drink.
He needs intense counseling and supervision, by a professional.
And people only start on that path when they are really seriously down. As long as he has a nice girlfriend who is with him his world is ok enough and he has no real motivation to start the change.
So - the easiest option for you is to quit. It sounds ironic but that may be good for him too.
If you love him a lot and you don't want to leave and fight this through with then try to convince him for the counseling. Go with him. You have to be really strong for that path. That puts your love (and his) to a serious test.
Good luck!
2006-08-03 20:47:16 · answer #2 · answered by spaceskating_girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you really going to listen to our advice or do you think you will stay until you are fed up? I think the latter.. the reason I know this is because for one, I've "been there done that" a few times and two...you still love him, I can tell you aren't done yet.
Do you picture yourself with this man in ten years? How about five? Do you think he will change for you? Put him in rehab for about six months and that may do the trick, IF you can get him to go..
2006-08-03 20:48:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he is not the right guy for you. You don't want to spend all your life trying to change him. Drinking is a habit and it's hard to break unless the person really wanna change but in his case it doesn't sound like he want to stop b/c if he really want to he would have at least tried. He just found it easy to convince you that he want to change instead of arguing with you and get his mood ruined!! Leave him and move on. Enjoy your life.
Good Luck!! =)
2006-08-03 20:48:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same situation, but he was honest about it from the beginning.
Alcholism causes other problems, like low sex drive, no ambition, bad health, money problems.
I ended up leaving my ex, cause it all got too much. But I am in a similar situation with my new boyfriend with marijuana. I am trying to help him quit, and explaining to him how it is affecting my life, and what he is like when he is stoned.
talk to your boyfriend. maybe go to AA meetings with him. If he is serious about getting help. Than stay with him and see where it goes.. He will need a lot of support.
But if he keeps drinking in secret- I would suggest leave.
2006-08-03 20:43:12 · answer #5 · answered by e a 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's serious about changing, get him in a program like AA. There are also support groups for the loved one of alcoholics that you should investigate for yourself. But bottomline is if he's not willing to get help, you have to go. Don't let him drag you down.
2006-08-03 20:40:59 · answer #6 · answered by Kanga_tush2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is an alcoholic.You can not help him.Only he can do that.Usually an alcoholic has to hit rock bottom before they will help themselves.It doesn't sound to me like he is ready.You might try encouraging him to attend an AA meeting.Good luck to you.
2006-08-03 20:44:22 · answer #7 · answered by hungerforknowledge 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
God if you weren't such a ***** he probably wouldn't be drinking as much
2006-08-03 20:51:37 · answer #8 · answered by cal-p 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
REHAB
2006-08-03 21:03:08 · answer #9 · answered by SavvyGrl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋