What makes you *** during sex?

Question

I can't seem to have an orgasim during sex with my husband. Whats the problem? And why can I have an orgasim pleasuring myself but not during sex? What can we do or try to make it happen?

Answer 1

First of all, there's nothing wrong with you -- something like 70% of all women don't regularly have orgasms from intercourse alone.

Intercourse stimulates an entirely different set of nerves than pleasuring yourself (for a woman). Your body needs to "learn" to climax during intercourse, literally -- you have to train your nerves to respond to the kind of stimulation you get during intercourse, as well as during self-pleasuring.

Fortunately, the lessons are very enjoyable for both of you!

The simplest way is to plan to try the following with your husband, letting him know what you want to do and getting him "on board," so to speak. Then do something like this:

Start with good old-fashioned "necking" -- kissing, holding each other, letting the excitement build up. Do whatever arouses you the most when you're with him, whether that's touching him in a certain way or having him do something to you that drives you wild.

Once you're really excited, you can begin pleasuring yourself in the way that you know gives you an orgasm (don't worry, your husband will enjoy being there while you do this!) You might even ask your husband to take a turn, showing him how and where you like to be touched. The point is, get yourself well on the way to having an orgasm -- but don't let yourself finish.

When you're 30 seconds or so from climaxing, have your husband enter you and begin intercourse. By this time your body should be close enough to climax that the stimulation, even though it's in a slightly different area of the body, will push you over the ege.

If you feel yourself slipping the wrong direction -- that is, away from orgasm -- have your husband get up on his knees while he's still inside you, with his chest vertical, then reach down and stimulate yourself outside the vagina while he is stimulating you inside it. (You'll want to have short fingernails for this.) But chances are if you wait till just before you climax, having intercourse will push you all the way to completion.

So when you can do this reliably -- when you can get yourself (or your husband can get you) within 30 seconds of orgasm through play and then finish you off through intercourse -- you can start expanding the gap. That is, the next time, bring yourself to within a minute of orgasm before you start intercourse. Because your nerves have "learned" to give you an orgasm through internal stimulation, it'll be easier to get there from intercourse.

Another thing to try is a slight variation: begin the same way, with long foreplay and stimulation, but when you're 30 seconds away, have your husband lie on his back. Then you sit across his hips, guide him into you, and rub on him in the way that stimulates YOU the most. Many women find that their first experience having orgasms during intercourse happens while they're on top. When you're "in charge," you can move in the way that stimulates you the most -- by controlling the focus and speed of intercourse, you may find that you are pleasuring yourself with him. (Oh, and if he finishes first, just keep going. He'll stay hard enough to last for a minute or so, especially if you are obviously enjoying yourself, and him.

Eventually you should be able to find a satisfying balance between foreplay and intercourse, one that gives you satisfying orgasms reliably but that lets you have enough intercourse to feel the special closeness that only happens (for me, anyway) when we're connected in that intimate way.

Now, what to do about your husband if all the stimulation you received means you're done minutes before he is? Sometimes, women become too sensitive after their own orgasms, and intercourse can be irritating if he takes more than a couple of minutes. If you feel irritation while your husband is still some time away from his own climax, try changing your position; usually this relieves enough of the irritation that it will become pleasurable for you again, and it can be very nice to continue to have sex after you've already climaxed.

(Although we usually try to time it so that we finish within a minute or so of each other, it sometimes happens that my wife finishes long before I'm ready. When this happens for us, she likes to turn face down while I straddle her hips; while she tends not to have orgasms that way, she LOVES it when I finish from behind because it tends to make me very, uhhhh, vigorous. So for her, the best of both worlds is a lot of stimulating play, followed by a two- or three-minute period of face-to-face intercourse, a shattering climax for her, then finishing with me giving her what we jokingly refer to as a "deep-tissue backrub.")

The important thing is to approach it with a feeling of fun and exploration. You're not defective because you don't climax during intercourse; your husband isn't inadequate because he hasn't been able to do that yet. It's the way men and women are built; you just have to learn to work each others' controls just right.

And as I say, the lessons are almost as rewarding as the knowledge you gain from them. :-)

Answer 2

It could just be that you only know clitoral orgasms. This doesn't mean that you can't have a vaginal orgasm, just that your body has to 'learn' how to. One way of doing this is to have your husband enter you from behind :"doggy style" if you like. While he is making love to you, just gently masturbate yourself to orgasm. At first this will still only give you a clitoral orgasm, but over a short space of time it moves to a vaginal orgasm.
Hope this helps you

Answer 3

you mean you dont want the orgasim to go in side of your body it is then just rub her front part to your body and dont let him to push inside.

Answer 4

Use toys and have him lick you while he's doing it! That way you'll get the proper amount of stimulation and he'll be directly involved!

Answer 5

have him put 2 fingers inside you and pump them in and out while you open your legs and rub away at your clitoris....or even get on top- get a black light and some mirrors.. it works for us

Answer 6

Maybe its "routine" no excitement, maybe since you evidently know what makes you orgasm you need to share it with your partner

Answer 7

when he's on top and angles his position to where IT touches the clitoris is the BEST!!!