how much about an affair that ur spouse had should b talked about?

Question

u have forgiven then, now the air needs to b cleared on why and what can b done 2 c 2 it that it doesn't happen ever again.

Answer 1

I think the only thing that should be discussed about it is why it happened. Do not go into detail about what was good and bad about it. There is always a reason for one partner to have an affair. They are not getting what they want out of the relationship or they don't feel loved anymore. It happens in the best of marriages and usually because they stop talking to one another. Affairs are wrong, no matter what but they shouldn't be discussed in detail to your spouse. That would only bring up new problems. Concentrate on the reasons it happened when your "clearing the air".

Answer 2

Every affair is different. An affair with a mutual friend hurts more than one with a person NOT a family friend. An affair with a relative hurts the most. Basically, details aren't necessary, or desirable. The more questions are answered, simply leads to more and more questions. That would be OK, but all it accomplishes to to paint more detailed mental pictures of the affair. Assuming an affair is with a person the spouse isn't close to, just confessing the betrayal, expressing remourse, and begging for another chance, has to be enough. Details simply doom the marriage. Even though questions are inevitable, answers just do more harm. For me, the details I learned, simply haunt me to this day, even though our marriage ended 15 years ago.

Answer 3

Okay, you have forgiven and leave it at that. The other spouse does not need to know all the details. Just admit you made a mistake and move on. Even if you know all the details does not guarantee that it will not happen again.

Answer 4

for starters...some say if it happens once..i will happen again. that is up to you to believe that or not. you can ask what prompted this.. was something lacking..but that could put the blame on you.. which is not right..because people are responsible for their own actions. you should make improvements if you intend to stay in this relationship... you need to find out if you really can forgive...or if you will think your partner is cheating when you are not around. this is difficult. i would not go into sexual details..positions etc. do not let that be your fault either. there are never any guarantees..with affairs.

Answer 5

Things should have been talked out before forgiveness occurred.
If you bring it up after forgiveness it will forever be a point for sore feelings. To lay it to rest once and for all, make sure she really loves you, forgive her and drop it. You can be cautious as I understand trust has been broken. Rather than dwell on what has happened, ask her how she can ensure that she won't slip up again. Tell her that the trust thing needs to be built up again and you won't feel completely at ease until she can demonstrate to you that she can be trusted. This will, of coarse, take time.
Good luck!

Answer 6

never had that situation come up, droped mine when she had the affair, never felt a need to clear the air or give her forgiveness.
never had a desire to search for any answers

Answer 7

None! Nothing needs to be said ! Its over if the spouse cheats he touched someone else and the covenant is broken for good! The vows are worthless now! It was stupid and uncareing and hope they get tht to happen to them next time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 8

Talking about the affair is like beating a dead horse or kicking a dead dog. Let the dead dog lie..... and move on

Answer 9

You should talk until the one who didn't cheat says so. Until they feel they have asked everything they want and are ready to put it behind them.

Answer 10

It's called trust and some broke it