Does anyone else agree with me?

Question

Ive been home for college since the beginning of may, I've talked to my father myabe 10 times. He has called me no more then 3 times, and ONLY in regards to my cell phone bill (he wants me to pay for the text message overages) He has not bothered to call me, see how I am doing, or make any plans to see me all summer. I've called him, maybe once a week, and yes it's usually only when I want something. (because that's the kind of relationship we've built.) though I planned our entire 4th of july on his boat. When he confronted me about the phone bill I told him I refused to pay it, because he hasn't even bothered to see how I was doing, let alone make any plans or drive his expensive car up to see me and my brother. I think the 60$ (extra minutes) is a perfectly reasonable exchange. but he's too stubborn to admit anything. He asked why I havent called him, and I said that he's the parent, all he said was your the kid. All he could do was say "well what are you doing sunday?"

Sorry I ran out of room, finally he said "well what are you doing sunday?". Isn't it besides the point? and he couldnt even apologize until I started crying and said "you're not even sorry."

I know this isn't the worse parent I could have, but I was just recently dumped by a good friend, and knowing that my father doesn't care enough about me to call me more then 3 times isn't helping me to feel any better. Has anyone else been through this? I'm just having a terrible summer and I haven't gotten support anywhere.

thanks for any insight.

PS;;; this isn't about the bill. I'll pay it gladly. But he could stand to be a little nicer to his daughter. Especially one that he left for death and starvation when he left her mom.

Sorry. I probably come off as the biggest brat ever. After my best friend stopped talking to me I haven't had the most sensical thought process. And I do appriciate what people on here tell me, it's relaxing and it gives me unbiased insight, rather then my mom an friends just fueling the fire by saying "oh he's a dick" and "she's a *****".

I'll pick a best answer as soon as yahoo lets me. thankssss

ahhhh one more thing, I'm only 18, I just got home from my first year of college.

Answer 1

You are wrong for not taking care of going over your limit and not paying for it. If you and your dad have had this type of relationship most of your life, what do you expect from him? For the cell phone he doesn't owe you an apology. For not spending time with you, maybe he does. You both need to start over, start over from today, no need to live the past when your future is in front of you...spend more time with each other.

Answer 2

Sweetie, you are going through a time in your life that is tough as it is, for anyone. Broken family doesn't help especially when you have to hear about each from the other in negative ways all the time. You are not being a brat. I think what you are trying to do is be the adult who is trying to create and maintain a stable relationship with someone in your life that matters. I really think what you need to do is sit down with your father and tell him how you feel. Tell him what you want for your relationship with him and what you need from him. Refusing to pay the bill when the bill was not the point is not an affective way to deal with the situation. Not only are you pushing him further away but you are giving him cause to have a bad opinion of you. Talk to him. Tell him that you are your own person and despite what anyone else says, you are capable of coming to your own conclusions about things. He may have made some bad choices that caused you to suffer but he is still human. Smart people CAN make stupid choices. Instead of wasting so much energy on pointless resentment that makes you miserable, TALK TO HIM. You took the tit for tat approach, which will not get either of you anywhere. I'm willing to bet he has no clue HOW to have a relationship with you on your terms. YOU need to tell him so that he WILL know.Once BOTH of you lay your cards on the table you can then build on that information to create a situation between you that you can both deal with. Compromise is the key.
Another no-no is taking the loss of your friend out on him. That is separate. Deal with that aside from dad. One issue at a time...lest you go insane. Obviously if your friend turned her back on you then she was not that great in the first place. Find other friends, there are millions of people to choose from. I lost my best friend of 22 years last year and after that I began to see things I did not realize until then. Her true colors (so to speak). I now know that I am better off without her in my life. I still miss her and am saddened by it all BUT I will NOT allow it to ruin my life and I certainly hold no-one BUT HER accountable for HER actions. I do not get along with my mother at all....never have...but that does not dictate HOW I live MY LIFE or who I am. The same is true for you. Do not give in to self doubt due to the actions of others. You owe yourself more than that. IF you need a friend, feel free to e-mail me. [e-mail]

Answer 3

Who's paying for you to attend college? Is it your Father?
Probably so.
It sounds like he just wants you to be more responsible for yourself, wants you to grow up a little. There's nothing wrong with that. Do you have any idea of the college students that have to pay their own way through? Including housing, food, clothing etc. It sounds to me like you have it better than what you realize.
You mentioned "his expensive car", well, he paid for that car, right?
It also sounds like he at least attempted to do something with you on Sunday. And how did you react? You started crying, saying that he doesn't care about you?
I can understand wanting to spend more time with him, and you need to discuss that with him. But I also feel that you need to be a little more grateful for what he has already given you, especially knowing that he could cut you off at ant time.
Good luck with everything. It sounds like the two of you just have some serious communicating to do, and on an adult level,

Answer 4

OK..I can see your father's point...He is footing the bill, and maybe he is frustrated at the fact that he is paying for something and you are abusing it by using extra minutes..and worse...not calling him (except when you need something), when he is responsible for the charges. I would say that you need to pay for your own expenses...and not rely on others. This is not what you want to hear...but grow up...and grow up fast. Talk it out with him, and use the phone wisely.

Answer 5

In this case, you're both wrong! Because you shouldn't be making your father pay your overdues and your father shouldn't be as cold as he's being. You, try to not send sooo many text messages, it's irresponsable. To your father, tell him that his lack of attention is bothering you and you'd like to spend more quality time with him! Best of Luck! ~V.J.~

Answer 6

Almost anything that comes to mind seems platitudinous. Seems to me your arguments aren't about what is bothering either one of you. Guess you can leave it at that if you want.
Being older than your father, here's what I'd like to have from my daughter. I'd like her to think I was a special guy in her life, I'd like her to love me, and I'd like to think she valued my perspective on the world and some of it's contents.
Here's what I'd tell her. That I loved her more than life itself, that I'm sorry if my parenting wasn't the best, that I'd be glad if she'd be in my life when she could, that I enjoy her company.
Does any of that make sense?

Answer 7

Give the man some slack, it is not easy dealing with grown children. Especially ones who don't pay their own bills.
How is he supposed to know what goes on in your life unless you tell him? For the most part he is giving you your privacy, if you want him to be more into your life let him know.