My married guy friend, 31, feels extremely guilty for wanting other women besides his wife. He claims that their sex life is very good (5+ times a week) and that he loves her, but he feels like he's missing out and deserves all of the hot women around him. We live in New York City and to be honest, there are more atttractive women than men (the ratio is something like 2:1). So men here always feel like there is something better around the corner (because there usually is!). Are his feelings normal? Should he feel guilty? Is there a married guy support group to help with this type of thing? Words of encouragement from other married men would be helpful. Thanks for the help. Posting for a friend so his wife doesn't know!
2006-08-03 09:43:23 · 14 answers · asked by AMS-NYC 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
yes - the desire is normal - what seperates the men from the boys is if they actually cheat on their wives
No support group I know of - not sure wives would be supportive of hubbys going there!
2006-08-03 09:49:18 · answer #1 · answered by roadrunner426440 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
It's normal to feel some type of attraction, yes. Just like men, we still have eyes and still find the opposite sex attractive. For a married woman to "want" to have sex with another man, no. That isn't normal. That's a woman with no morals.
2016-03-26 21:59:33 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a guy, but I think if either husband or wife thinks about having sex with another person it is wrong. There is nothing normal about it. He may think that the grass is greener on the other side, but I'm here to tell you it isn't. If you truly love your spouse, you shouldn't be thinking about sleeping with other people at all. I know everyone has fantasies, but I feel that is different from thinking, as you said, "missing out and deserving hot women around him". If he truly loves his wife, hell yeah, he should feel guilty. Sounds to me like she is really good to him. If she wasn't I would feel differently. Sounds to me like he wants his cake and eat it too and that is not reality in marriage.
2006-08-03 11:50:22 · answer #3 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His attraction to other women is normal, but controllable if he's a decent man. His feelings of entitlement to act on it is not good at all, even if many people do it. How would he feel if his wife was having the same problem? He should handle it the same way he would want her to. All the strange in the world won't make up for losing a good wife.
2006-08-03 09:55:49 · answer #4 · answered by DJ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO his feelings are NOT normal, Unless he suffers from some mental disorder he can control his thoughts and not think them.
As his Friend you are doing him a disservice by allowing him to degrade his wife in front of you, You should stop him anytime he tries to talk about such things and let him know that it is not acceptable to have those discussions.
There are many people that will claim it is normal human emotions to have those thoughts and those people couldn't be more wrong.
Have your Friend ask his wife it if is permissible and if she will give her blessing to his mischievous thoughts, If he won't because he knows the answer then he should accept that answer and be thankful for the wife he has.
2006-08-03 10:10:28 · answer #5 · answered by chubbiguy40 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, being attracted to others is inevitable. People are attracted to MANY different people. BUT, just because one finds others desirable- doesn't mean you want to sleep with them. When that happens, marriages die. Yes, he should feel guilty. What he wants isn't marriage. He wants to have his cake, and eat it too. I am a married man. Ask your friend if it's OK, IF his wife goes looking for somebody else too? If the answer is no, then it's just as wrong for him.
2006-08-03 11:51:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i also wanted 2 get the answer in this question.
i wanted 2 know y? y exactly the reason y men are like this?
im 24 years old, been together with the father of my child 4 almost 3 years now.. i tried my best 2 always look good for him.. i can tell that i balance my life being a good mother, wife, and being good at myself... most people think that he's lucky 2 have me... but my problem is that he's watching porn site, and he gets attracted with our house helper.. i was in shock when i found out thats y.. i wanted 2 know y men r like that??
is it because he doesn't love me anymore???
because if he does love me, he wouldn't dare think anything like dat in the 1st place.. right??
2006-08-03 10:11:52 · answer #7 · answered by D_I_V_I_N_E 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he getting sex 5 times a week he ought to thank his lucky stars.. I'd settle for 5 times a year.
Guilt is overrated unless he acts on the urges.. It is normal to look..
Remember the old dime store sign? "Alright to look at" If one holds it they buy it...
He might try calling some counselors that have men's groups..
2006-08-03 09:57:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think every married guy have those feelings. dosen't mean that he don't love his wife. my advice is not to act on it though, he'll be sorry not every woman can pleasure their husband 5 times a week! just like he looks at women im pretty sure she looks at men just the same, difference is that she knows where home is.
2006-08-03 09:55:48 · answer #9 · answered by southerncmfrt1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess its safe to say that natural human instinct creates the desire....I have been married for almost a year and have not wanted ANY woman besides my wife....But if he is man enough to face and and fight the urge, hes a good guy in my book...
2006-08-03 09:54:03 · answer #10 · answered by kbjcw 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His feelings are normal but he does not need to act on them. He made a commitment to his wife and he should honor that commitment. When he starts to have these feelings he needs to refocus on his wife and what a lucky guy he is to have her.
2006-08-03 09:49:29 · answer #11 · answered by lavenderroseford 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋