He had only been away for 3 weeks. I received a call from him this morning saying that he has lost his job and will be back home in two days. I do not know how to handle the situation as i was planning to break up with him after the 6 months. now he has no money and no place to go. what should i do? i don't want him in my life any more but can't help feeling sorry for him...
2006-08-03 09:25:01 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
Look, i have always had a hard time accepting women tend to let things go too long. It just frustrates me to no end. The longer you wait, the less you will be happy and the more time the two of you will waste on a relationship that is going to end. Remember we date in order to eventually stop dating and settle down. If you cant see yourself marrying this guy, then let him go. Tell him while he is still far away. If he gets pissed, he wont be around to act inappropriately. If he comes around, which he will, then be firm and honest. The happiness one gets from a relationship is that two of you find the other one special...and that has gone for you, so move on.
Now, I have to retorically ask...If he is abusive, then why are you still with him? Why wait to end it at the end of his 6 month job thing?Any time there is violence, then thats a signal that the relationship is already over. As a guy I have been dumped at times and I have done the dumping at other times. It just frustrates me to no end if I cant figure out whats going on. Dont wait for circumstances to be "convenient" for the relationship to end. Be honest.
2006-08-03 10:04:24 · answer #1 · answered by intrigue_dj 1 · 4⤊ 1⤋
The time he was gone is of no matter. If you were planning to break it off, do it. He probably lost his job for some of the same reasons that you need to end this abusive relationship. Do both of you a favor and end it now.
Don't feel sorry for him....this situation is of his making and he needs to realize that, sooner rather than later.
2006-08-03 09:31:40 · answer #2 · answered by jrsgurl62 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump him. The abuse will not get better. I know this. You'll only be helping him. He has to know that he can't just abuse you and that you will stand up to him. He's only going to abuse you more. You have to break the cycle, no matter how hard it is or it will only get harder to do so.
Do NOT under any circumstances take him in. He WILL take advantage of the situation. I have known too many women who took the guy back again and again. It only ends in heartache. Cut the strings sooner rather than later. It's going to be hard, but you deserve much better than him.
2006-08-03 18:26:47 · answer #3 · answered by Quicksilver 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he feel sorry for you after he's been abusive towards you? I don't think so. Make yourself the no. 1 priority and leave him. Don't think about him not having money or a place to go because he's brought it upon himself.
Anytime you may consider staying, think of all the hurt he's put you through.
Don't allow him to come back because he will only continue to be abusive.
2006-08-03 09:33:15 · answer #4 · answered by Minina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure it's rough for him, but YOU DON'T HAVE TO FIX IT FOR HIM. Remember, you actually wrote that he's abusive. Noone else said so, you did, even though lots of women make excuses for their abusive men and won't admit they're getting abused. You don't need this guy in your life, and you have no obligations to him. Call a friend or relative to stay with you if you feel uneasy about breaking up with him. You don't have to meet him, breaking up over the phone is OK.
2006-08-03 09:47:40 · answer #5 · answered by ThePeter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you're breaking up with him, and that if he tries to contact you again you will call the police.
Why do you feel sorry for him? When you break up with him he'll find someone else to abuse and take advantage of, probably within five minutes.
You should feel sorry for yourself because you feel sorry for this loser. He really hooked you in, didn't he? It sounds like he has really abused you emotionally and made you think you're responsible for his happiness. You're not. You're only responsible for your own happiness.
Good luck. Women everywhere support you and are cheering for you.
2006-08-03 09:34:30 · answer #6 · answered by No Shortage 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have moved the minute he walked out the door for the assignment - even if it had to be to a battered women's shelter. Now, you probably don't have the money to take off - and he will be sponging off you, and probably continuing the abuse.
You should consider getting out of the house before the two days is up - shelters can move you to different counties if you tell them you fear for your life.
2006-08-03 09:30:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Direct him to the nearest homeless shelter! Make that the farthest! DROP THE LOSER NOW! Why would you wait six months anyway? I don't care if the abuse is physical or mental, who needs it? Abusers RARELY, if EVER, change. If you want to be a social worker, go back to school and get the credentials and education for that. Don't social work in your personal life. DROP THAT ZERO AND FIND YOURSELF A HERO! Change your locks, change your phone number, and most importantly, CHANGE YOUR MINDSET!
2006-08-03 10:50:15 · answer #8 · answered by Chris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pffft. He abuses you. You were going to dump him anyway.
Pffft.
Change the locks, get over to the courthouse and get a restraining order against him, and tell him that if he gets within a mile of your place that you'll have him arrested.
Sorry for him? That moron can't even hold a job for more than three weeks. Pffft.
2006-08-03 09:30:57 · answer #9 · answered by Stuart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to do what's best for you, not him. Seems he wasn't considering your feelings while he being an abusive boyfriend. You owe him NOTHING. Keep your plan to break up with him.
Plus, honestly, he will probably be a pretty angry son of a ***** upon his return, and you don't want to get the brunt of that.
Move on, worry about yourself, NOT him!
2006-08-03 09:34:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋