My husband and I have been trying to have children for the last 9 years. He wants to have a family more than anything and we can't afford to adopt. My mother suggested that since my husband can't produce healthy sperm that maybe I should have sex with someone else just to get pregnant..... and my husband is convinced that my mother is right. I do know someone who is really hot and I think I could do it. Has anyone else ever been in this situation or has anyone ever done it. How did it turn out! My husband deserves children and is a very loving person who would make a wonderful dad.
2006-08-03 08:49:11 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Please do not think that we haven't looked at every medical option. Also please do not be judgmental or rude in your responses. Thank You.
2006-08-03 09:03:08 · update #1
I am sure your husband would love the child as his own. But here is your dilema. If you know the other man then one day the man will see the child and put 2+2 together and demand his right to be a part of the childs life. Here is my sugestion. You and your husband go on a vacation far away from your home. Both of you go out and find a stranger that will never know you or where you are from. I know it wont be easy, but, just think of the beautiful child you will have and it wont take that long to make one. There will be no strings attached and the child will always think it is both of yours. There wont be a third party around to screw anything up.
2006-08-03 09:03:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know exactly how you feel. When first married I wanted 12 kids.It seemed every month I did a pregnant test. I think disappointment was a permanent part of my life. Before you go so far as to have sex with someone else ( which may put a big problem between you and your husband, like coloring of baby maybe the father would want to be apart of the baby s life) why not look into foster parents.
We did fostering and during our life two different times friends got pregnant and just couldn't take care of them and we took them in and even adopted one of them.Plus the word got out that we took in others kids and we took in run-a-ways till they worked out the problem with their family's. I think I've had 10 different kids in our life , so far.
I promise you ,having your genes is not important. The children in the house laughing and playing is heaven and will be to both of you. Loving can replace the hole in your heart and my adopted son cannot be more of a son to me than my own would have been. Please please think twice before taking such a drastic step in your life. How would you feel if your husband had sex with another woman and brought the child in your house. These kind of feelings are hard to get over and handle. God bless you and good luck
2006-08-03 16:10:54 · answer #2 · answered by pyrnesee mama 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont do it you wil regret it later.....if you are going to do it do it the right way it's not always the guy that has a problem some times it's us woman you should get checked too to rule out things like infections etc that may be preventing you bothe from having the baby you want. you dont need money to adopt from what I understand the state will pay you money to foster a child.but I never did it so i dont know. it's important not to consentrate on having a baby when you have sex with you man you should concentrate on making love to him and enjoying him if you are under stress that would be another reason why you have not concieved dont cheat on you man dont have ababy with someone else there are ways to do things maybe you and you husband just need time there are products for men and woman that can increase serm count and stregnthen ovaries and the uterus wall hang in there
2006-08-03 16:03:17 · answer #3 · answered by vegasgirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
!!!!!!!STOP!!!!!! don't do it..... he says that know but he will hate you later and your child. you have to adopt a child together, if your planning on him being the father then thats the only way to go and have it be a good thing in both your lifes. bring another mans seed into the family the other way will only re enforce the fact to him that he is less a man. and "HE IS NOT LESS" sperm makes a baby but a father is all about the man and who he is inside. not the sperm.........if you love each other then you have to do what ever it takes to adopt.....go through it to gether you will be better for it and love will guide you both and you will find strength in each other in the end you will have given a child a loving and stable home and there is no greater good then that....trust me.... by the way your mother is an evil woman i think, because why would she want to distroy your marraige like that, something is going on there mabe you should look into it, as for your hubby he just wants to make "you" happy you know in his heart he wouldn't have sugjested this to you ever in life.
2006-08-03 16:03:36 · answer #4 · answered by 4stringthndr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lover WON'T help your marriage. EVER. There are sperm banks that could provide what you need. Just a little advice. Your Mom doesn't have both oars in the water, or she's trying to destroy your marriage. And, your husband is either an idiot, looking for an excuse to end the marriage, or a sicko. File this idea in the STUPID file. Good luck, I'm afraid you need it.
2006-08-03 19:11:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your doctor about having his sperm injected into you. Sometimes he might have "lazy" sperm but once it is injected it might work. I don't think having sex with another man---That will just bring you a whole load of other problems in the long run. Keep getting second, third, and fourth opinions and even go to diffrent doctors there are specialist that can actually help you. Go on the web and you will find one.
Good Luck !!
2006-08-03 15:59:19 · answer #6 · answered by MARI 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you guys can't have children that is what is meant to be. Having sex with another man is not the answer, and besides that child will not be a bond for you and your husband. It will be a bond between you and another man.
Don't try to force the hand that God's dealt you otherwise your going to have a very difficult life. You think things are bad now, think again...
2006-08-03 15:58:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would never suggest that. We can't afford to adopt and yet, we are. It is called LOANS. I would never have sex outside of marriage and the means does not justify the end. you cauld even go through foster-parenting and then adopt thru the state which will help you. i don't believe the issue is money. some people can not love a child that is not biological related--be honest about all the issues. But please don't have sex with someone else.
2006-08-03 15:56:21 · answer #8 · answered by hopscothchbunnies 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't believe your mother would suggest that and I REALLY can't believe that your husband would agree to it. That's just weird. The baby wouldn't be his and eventually that would affect him. It's like having a threesome but then the 3rd person never leaves. This other guy is going to be involved, it's not like he will just get you pregnant and be completely out of the picture. Especially if you know him, it will just get awkward and probably damage if not completely destroy your marriage. I am also sorry about your struggle to have a baby.
2006-08-03 16:00:14 · answer #9 · answered by angel32984 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were in your situation, I wouldn't have sex with someone I knew....there are all kinds of problems that could come with that. If you do get pregnant....technically, he would have all paternal rights to the child....even a "contract deal" could have negative effects...the best bet would be a sperm donor that you don't know...go through a clinic.
2006-08-03 15:54:19 · answer #10 · answered by mjboog2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋