Ladies, help me understand.?

Question

I am a decent boy-next-door-looking 22 year old guy. I can be funny if I know you, but am low key and quiet by nature....kinda bookish. Because of this, most of my girlfriends have been out-going and talkative. Most have really picked me up, rather than me picking them. A couple months ago, a friend told me about this episode of 20/20 where some guy claimed that women--dispite the lies they say in public, and to themselves--are attracted to aggressive, confident jerks. He showed that if you are confident, women will even gravitate to men who put them down. I watched the show on my friend's DVR. Afterwards, I spent several weeks pushing myself to be super outgoing and test out the theory. At first to my delight, and then to my disgust, I found it worked. Even if all I did was brag about myself, or be mildly insulting to a female, being hyper masculine and super confident worked. But now it's really saddened me. I want to pull honeys, but respect them too. Please help me understand.

Answer 1

Hm,i dont know what to tell you except not all women like men that are like that.I cannot stand a man who wants to sit there and brag on himself,it makes him sound to conceded.I like a man that gives me respect and who is affectionate towards me,not aggressive'that would frighten me away.But you just need to be yourself.You cant change for someone unless you want to change for yourself first.Be you and women will respect that.

Answer 2

First off, you can be confident without being a jerk. That said, I do feel that women are perhaps more readily drawn to "charismatic" guys - and usually these are guys who are somewhat pushy, a bit macho, somewhat over-confident perhaps. Now, being attracted to someone is one thing, but choosing a long-term partner is another. A very sexy girl in revealing outfits will always find guys swirling around her - but, I bet, most of these guys will go elsewhere when they're ready to look for a wife. I do feel that many people are very shallow - it takes a bit of experience and depth to recognize the qualities beyond the exterior that would make a person a good partner; but a lot of people (men AND women) seem to just go for the obvious without digging too much beneath the surface. I can't help but agree with some of your observations, but I feel that while exterior is somewhat important for attracting the potential mates, you wouldn't want to go too much out of your way or comrpomise who you are... Ideally, you would search for a woman who is more intelligent and patient than the average. (Yeah, I know... easier said than done!)

Answer 3

I think confidence is a great thing for anyone to have, as long as you don't think the world centers around you and feel that you're smarter then everyone else. But I think women that are attracted to men that are almost down right rude probably have serious self esteem issues. Why would anybody in their right mind want to be with someone who treated them with little or no respect?
I dated a guy ONE TIME that was a Navy Seal, and I swear to God the date lasted a little over four hours, and all he did was talk about himself and the Seals for the first three hours! I was ready to scream! He thought he was just such a catch because of what he did. After him I promised I would never date another Military man, but I was wrong, I ended up marrying one!
I don't care what 20/20 claims, I think most women want someone who will treat her well. My husband is like you. He's very quiet and sweet, but those of us that know him well, especially me, knows how funny he is, and that he is also a lot of fun. But me, I'm loud, very witty, I speak my mind if someone pisses me off, and I talk way too much! But we somehow balance each other out! My friend's are forever telling me how they wish their husbands/boyfriends were like my husband. He respects womenso much.
Don't change who you are just because you think it might be the way to get a girl to notice you. Believe me, when the time is right, some girl is going to fall head over heals in love with you because of the real YOU! And she is going to feel so lucky and thrilled that she found someone as special as you are. You're a decent guy, and you don't want to be with a women who can't think for herself or has little self respect. Someone like that is going to depend on you guiding them through life! That's what parents are for! They guide their children and teach them to make decisions so they can one day be on their own! They don't do all that hard work for 18 years just to send them into the world so they can revert back to childhood! you deserve better.

Answer 4

I have pondered the same question and unfortunatly you are correct. I believe it is because women like a challenge, and when a guy acts as if he is to good for her, dont need her, don't want her, it turns into a challenge. She will then work her butt off to get him, even if she really don't care to have him. But this is the thing, most of the time when she gets him, she has made her accomplishment and the guy gets hurt. It's all really fun, thats what I use to do, until I got married to a really sweet guy who treated me with alot of respect and really made me feel like a women. I can't tell you why I was so much more attracted to him, rather then other guys who treated me with respect but I did. My suggestion as a former female player is treat her with respect as long as she desrves it, make her feel like a women, but still be a man. Let her know that you like her and respect her, but you don't NEED her. She is just a really nice addition.

Answer 5

The question you need to ask yourself is do you want to be with a woman who is willing to let herself me degraded by someone else? You see when you tested the theory those women who talked to you after the insults were not the type of women you would want as a girlfriend. You need to continue being yourself. You will only attract the type of girls you want if you are yourself. It is the same with guys. Why do all the good, considerate men LOVE women who treat them like sh*it and stay faithful and committed to her no matter what she does? I have seen it with my friends. You just have to wait for your woman but PLEASE do not change the type of guy you are because you sound great!

Answer 6

I believe that this was a test. It showed you that you are able to go out there and get what you want! It also showed you that you are a decent and respectable guy! And believe me, women love that type of a man! (They are very rare to find)!!! Just be yourself when you confront a girl, You should always let her see the true you!!!! When miss right does comes along you will definitely know it!!!!
Good Luck!!!!

Answer 7

STOP TRYING TO BE SOMETHING YOUR NOT!!! FIrst of all, your going to end up attracting them, but not the right ones for you or for them. They are buying a fake bill of goods. I am older than you and I can tell youfrom experience, that there is the right one for you and that as women get older their priorities change. Those guys are fun when your young but they are not who you want to spend your life with. You want someone who loves you for you not who they think you are. You sound like a great guy, stop putting out what you think they want and be yourself, the right one will come along. You can't be all that bad since you said that they are picking up on you.

Answer 8

even though women maybe attracted to this at first deep down its not what women really want. Women want someone that is going to treat them right not be bullish and disrespectful to them. At the same time though you also can't let a woman just walk all over you just because you are quiet. Be yourself and the right woman will come along.

Answer 9

No one wants a shy, unconfident man. I'll tell you why:

Women unconsciosuly seek PROTECTION and find being strong, masculine and agressive a good quality as, by nature and instinct, women need someone strong to procreate and defend the nest and prospective babies. It's written on our DNA. You can see this in nature as well, when males fight for females to demonstrate their strenght. The female would pick the strongest, healthier looking male to mate.

Now you know.

Good luck

Answer 10

Some girls want to be treated badly. It's unhealthy and you shouldn't change yourself into someone that does that. Girls do like outgoing confident guys but not jerks. Just be yourself and everything will work out for you....don't change