should i allow my baby's father to attend the birth of our daughter?

Question

I am 40 weeks pregnant and scheduled for a c-section in less than a week but i am debating over whether or not I should allow the father to attend. I know it will be stressfull for me to have him there because he has not been very supportive and the last time we spoke he said he didnt want to talk to me anymore.

He says his family is arriving from Pennsylvania and New Jersey on Saturday to California where I live to see the baby but I have had no contact with them whatsoever.
he broke up with me when i told him I was pregnant and has been uninvolved for the most part ever since. He doesnt seem to care but I know his family does as they are flying in from the other side of the country to meet their new grand-daughter and neice. He on the other hand would never even take a bus halfway across town 20 minutes when I was in the hospital or to our doctors apointments.
I am at a loss as to what to do. I'm afraid if i call to let him know the date we'll just end up fighting again.

Answer 1

ofcourse!

Answer 2

As hard as it is, try to be the bigger person and let him be present for the birth.
Does he deserve to be there? No.
Is it the right thing to let him be there anyway? Yes.
He's been a jerk, but you don't want to be one too. Let him be there.
You'll come to learn in the future that while raising a child with an absent parent that acts the way you describe, it's usually best to take the "high road". It's best for the child to have a mother that can handle herself with grace, and it's best for you, because later, if and when the guy tries to take you to court for something (reduction of child support, modification of visitation, custody issues, whatever, - and trust me, guys like this WILL always make waves for you later), you'll have nothing to worry about, knowing you've made no decisions you regret. Don't give him any ammo against you.

P.S. I've had two C-Sections. Don't worry, it's not so bad.
Best Wishes.

Answer 3

you need to do what's best for you and your new baby while you're giving birth. If it's going to add stress to the situation for him to be there, it's absolutely ok for you tell him (and make sure the doctors and nurses know because you'll be drugged up) that he can't be there during the actual birth. He hasn't been supportive so he doesn't get a say! Be strong!

However, once the baby is born, he should be allowed to see her along with his family (at least they are being supportive - maybe they'll rub off on him a bit when they're visiting!)

Good Luck with everything!

Answer 4

If you are not comfortable with him, then he should not be there. The birth of a child is the most intimate thing on earth - you should only have him there if he is a LOVING part of your life. When I had my first child, her father was there - he was abusive and mean (even in the delivery room) - he told me, as I was pushing our little angel out - that I was the ugliest thing he had ever seen - I do not wish that for you. I wish you the strength and the courage to do this - be selfish - you are going to be with this child for the rest of your life - sounds like he won't - and it seems as if he and his family only want her for a prize or a trophy - be strong. You do not need any stress whatsoever - be strong and take care of you and the baby.

Answer 5

If you think it will be stressful to have him with you, then you shouldn't, it will be a very special moment for you and maybe you would like to have someone who really cares to hold your hand, instead of someone who hasn't been there for you during all these months. Having your mom, sister or a good friend will make you feel safe and protected. After the birth you can ask the father to get more involved with the baby.
You should always try to do what is best for you!

Answer 6

I am so sorry to hear of your situation, and what a creep he is. This is your event! I think the birth should be for you,as you desire it. I think his family should be able to meet the baby, but they can wait until after the birth, or even the next day, when you feel more up to receiving visitors. It does not sound to me as if he deserves the privilage to be present, and giving birth is stressful enough without adding that onto it. In the end, remember, don't worry about hurting people's feelings or upsetting people, this is your event, and you can never re-do it!! Treasure this moment for you and your daughter!!!

Answer 7

I left my ex-husband when I was 5 months pregnant with our daughter. He was at the hospital when she was born, but I had my best friend in the delivery room. I would let him come after the baby's born and bring the family. That way you're not too stressed during delivery and everyone gets to meet the new baby!!

Answer 8

i broke up with my babys father a month before my son was born and i was debating with myself whether i should let him be there for the birth....in the end i kinda caved and let him play the "im a good father role" by letting him take me to the hospital and letting him watch the birth....my advice is that you need to call your babys father....be really nice about it to avoid a fight....ask him if he wants to be there for the birth....if he tries to start an argument just tell him very calmly "i dont want to argue....and i need you to stay as civilized as you can...otherwise im not going to let you be there" if he can be nice to you until you have your baby then i would let him be there....but warn him...if he gives you any crap at the hospital your going to make him leave....but if you think you'll be too uncomfortable with him being in the room then maybe you shouldnt let him be there....my babys father was trying to hold my hand while i was delivering but he treated me so badly i couldnt stand him even touching me which broke my concentration when i was supposed to be pushing.....and if you dont let him in the room durring the delivery i would definately let him and his family in the room after the baby is born.....good luck

Answer 9

Tough call sweety. I'd ask him. Does want the child to have his last name and if so then that is what will go on the birth certificate and if so will he take responsibility for this child. If all the above is a yes, and you can deal with it then sure. If not, then hell no! This is your baby, your delivery. As for his family coming in...did they even consider that you may not want to have visitors that soon after giving birth? If you don't won't them there right now. You have every right to say no.

Answer 10

HE DOES NOT HAVE A RIGHT TO BE THERE IF YOU DON"T WANT HIM THERE.

Child birth and labor are stressful enough...you don't need to be inviting in idiots that will stress you out just because he wants to look good in front of his family.

OR ..he can be in the hospital waiting room like all the other uninvolved family...ONLY FATHERS need be invited into the delivery room...NOT SPERM DONORS.

Do what makes you feel comfortable.

Answer 11

I think if someone else deserves to be there by your side and be a part of this amazing experience more than he does than No you shouldn't feel obligated to have him there for the birth.
Right now its about you, do what your gut tells you, do what makes you comfortable.
On the other hand it may make him realize how life changing this day is and maybe realize that his life is also changing and yes this is real...maybe he will actually be a part of your daughter's life. Men are strange creatures....good luck!