Stay at home mum? Can I?

Question

HI ALL - IM A PROUD MUM OF A 5WK OLD SON. I'D LIKE TO GIVE UP WORK AND BE A HOUSEWIFE BUT DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT! IT TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO GET PREGNANT DUE TO FERTILITY ISSUES AND IM NOT CERTAIN I CAN CONCEIVE AGAIN. I DON'T WANT TO BE BACK WORKING 40+HRS A WEEK AND MISS MY SON.

MY HUSBAND EARNS LESS THAN 10K AND MY INCOME WOULD BE 0. PART-TIME ISNT AN OPTION EITHER (FROM WORK'S POINT OF VIEW). IT WOULDNT BE A PERMANENT WORK BREAK AND NOT A DECISION IM MAKING LIGHTLY AS MY CAREER HAS BEEN VERY IMPORTANT TO ME AND I'VE WORKED HARD TO GET WHERE I AM PROFESSIONALLY.

WHAT I'D LOVE IS ANY GUIDANCE ON HOW TO MANAGE FINANCIALLY AND ANY OTHER MUMS OPINIONS / ADVICE.

THANK YOU ALL X

Oh! I'm UK by the way x

Bloody hell! This is the first time I've used Yahoo Answers and my inbox is pinging like crazy!!!!!!!

Thanks to all that have posted so far! Very helpful.

Currently my husband is doing a part-time course and full-time work to get a better job etc. He is very keen for me to give up work to be with our son.

One option I'm looking at is working from home but no luck so far and my current employer is reluctant - I'm a manager supporting adults with autism in their own homes / community etc. Part time is also unlikely but I'm going to try. part of my job description is basically unoficial on-call - if someone doesnt turn up - buck stops here for shifts! also although my rota is week-time 9-5, there are shifts such as 2.30 - 10.30pm with a sleep-over and then continuing on to work until 3pm. I've covered these many times. Its not ideal.



I won't make any decisions until I know it wont have a negative impact on our family. Will keep reading the answers!

Answer 1

Hi
Congratulations on baby.
I am a learning disability nurse, or was I also specialized in Autism, although I worked with teenagers with behavioral issues too. Firstly with the experince you have and it is a very specialised type of experince, people would be falling over themselves to have you work in a "nursing agency". Doing one night a week you could earn a nice amount. I know its a drop down from your career role now, but one thing I learnt from having kids now 4 and 3 , was how my priorities changed. I was so career driven working 60-70 hrs a week, I loved it. That little person came a long and suddenly I wanted stuff that was so different. Although I have to say thatbeing a stay at home mum, has been the hardest job I've ever done lol. Give me a group of teenagers with autism and challenging behaviour over one baby with colic any day lol.
It has been very hard finacially, although my husband earnt a lot more money than yours does, at one point we made the decision to move house, as we were struggling to pay the mortage.
Now I am looking at putting my career back on track thats hard too, I have to go back and retrain, more expense!!! But I dont regret a moment.
Dont be afraid of second hand stuff where you can - hand me downs, e-bay etc. NCT sales in your area, good charity shops. My kids wore a lot of designer stuff that I paid 20p and stuff for lol.
I wish you all the luck in the world, and trust your instinct on making this very difficult decision. Pleae feel free to contact me if you wanted to chat.

Answer 2

Your first step should be to figure out how much it costs you to live your current lifestyle. Will 10K cover it?

If not, can you decrease any expenditures - buy a smaller house, eliminate luxuries like cable, buy an older car, etc.? Will that allow you to live on 10K?

If not, can your husband get a job making more money?

If not, then you are going to have to make some choices. Can you talk your husband into getting a second job? Would you be ok if he were always working and never around? Would he be ok with that, or would he resent you?

Can you find another job? If you have really worked hard and built a career, then you should have enough skills to find a job that will compromise with you regarding being a mother - part time, work from home, etc.

Bottom line - you can't have it all. You can't be a full time mom, have a career, and maintain your current lifestyle. You have to decide which is more important to you - work or your son - focus on the one you choose, and don't regret missing out on the other, or you'll never be happy again.

Sorry, but life is full of choices - many of them difficult. Like they say, "You can't have your cake and eat it, too."

Answer 3

The problem is that you're in the UK which is VERY expensive.

OK, here what my wife and I did I hope it works for you.

Sit down with your husband and list all of the bills you have.

Rent
Credit Card
Etc.

Now list what you make and what he makes. I do this on a spread sheet like excel, I listed all of the bills and subtracted her salary.

From that point whatever the number is, begin to list what you will sacrifice.

You may not be eating out anymore, you may have to rent movies or cut out the cable bill.

You may have to live life without extravagant food. Whatever the sacrifices here the most important thing to remember. You must be able to live a comfortable existance without YOUR income.

Meaning, that you can't CUT OFF YOUR ARM, to stay home with your son. It becomes to much for your husband to bear by himself.

I would suggest working at a department store at night for a few nights a week. This allows your husband some time with his new son and get some well needed money in the house.

Or start a home based business and do consulting on something. Not knowing what you do for a living it's hard for me to make suggestions.

It is very gratifing staying at home with your child, but can be very destructive. We just don't live in day where the traditional stay at home mom can exisit.

I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 4

I was in the same position as you but I swallowed my pride, gave up my career and worked in a supermarket a few nights a week for a few years. Yes I know it's not the best job and it's different from going from wearing a smart suit to crappy uniform, but it brought in the money and my husband looked after them so we didn't have to pay for childminders. Then when my boys began school full time I worked in a school as an LSA (which pays worse than a supermarket job!) so I could have the holidays off. It's tough but as other people have said we can't have it all, unless we have a rich husband! lol. There's no way you could survive on 10k, my husband's on just over double that and we are struggling now. We have no holidays or luxury car, just living in the south east of the UK is bloody expensive! One day I will go back to my career when they're older, as you could too but you've got a lovely son and if you can cope as you are or take up a part-time job then you won't regret it. I certainly don't miss the nightmare of travelling to London every day. I never regretted it and am so glad I was there for them as babies. They grow up so fast (they're 6 and 7 now). Good luck with whatever you decide. P.S. Apply for child tax credit (different to child benefit) because everyone is entitled to this.

Answer 5

I am a mum to my 12 week old boy. I am going back to work in 4 weeks time, full time. I will miss my boy sooo much, but I must provide for him. I try to put my emotions to the side, my hubby and my mum will share the babysitting. I'll work 3 days a week in a row, but get all 40 hours in those three days so I can be with my boy for the next 4 days in the week. During those 4 days my hubby will work. Up to this moment, the longest I have been apart from my boy was 2 hours (when I took my dad to the hospital to the A & E), so it is going to be a shock to the system when I have to leave him for the first time. Yes, I do know that mothers are the prime carers, but I also want to ensure that I put my son in the financial position for the future so he never ever has to struggle in life. I will get through the working days knowing he is in good hands with his dad or my parents. I understand you totally, it is one of the hardest decisions I have had to make, but I must use my head over my emotions. As long as the baby is in good hands with somebody who is lively, and has a positive effect on the child, you needn't worry too much. 10k is not a lot of money at all and I thinka few hours here or there will help you tremendously, but wont harm the bond you have with your baby. Enjoy motherhood.

Answer 6

Get in touch with your local Tax office. As your husband's salary is less than £14,000pa you will be entitled to not only child benefit at approx £68.00 per month, but a child tax credit of up to £100 pm. You could also be entitled to some income support. They will be able to advise you, and you should have both your own and your husbands National Insurance detail, and your husbands last couple of P60 tax returns to prove how much he earned and paid in tax.

I think what you are doing is great! We struggled with nothing so that I could stay at home with my son. He is 8 now, and we have a lovely house and life is back on track. It is not for ever, and is worth the struggle, you will remember these days for the rest of your life, so make the most of every second.

Good Luck xxx

Answer 7

:)Make sure U get all the benefits UR entitled 2.
& the 1 off payment 4 UR son, the much lorded Labour tax credits.
If U want 2 stay at home & raise UR son.
Good on U.
Money isn't everything & no amount of money would B worth missing out on UR babies early years.
Once he's settled in full-time education ( I did not go back 2 work until my daughter was settled in Secondary School & I never regretted it )U can think again about going back 2 work.
Ask at UR Citizens Advice Bureau 4 an update of everything U'll B able 2 claim.
Good Luck.
& CONGRATS 2 U & URS!

Answer 8

I just had a baby 5 months ago. I quit work as well to stay home with her. First, cut back on luxuries...cable tv, no more eating out, and deffinately cook cheap. Use generic diapers, generic everything for that matter (except when it comes to formula or baby food). Have a garge or yard sale to get some extra cash, and stock up on what you absolutely need. Also, I found an investor that buys and sells homes, I do that on a need to basis. I don't have to show the homes, I'm just the middle person who draws the paperwork, and talks to the buyer on the phone.

Answer 9

Just make the break. You'll soon learn to live within your means.
See what benefits you would be able to claim too, I know that some people don't like to mention benefits because they think that people using them are just living off of others' money, but the way I see it, both you and your husband have paid your taxes too, and so you are only getting back what you would have paid in. I know that I wouldn't have been able to stay at home if it wasn't for state benefits.
Congratulations on the birth of your son and all the best for the future!

Answer 10

I totally understand because my career meant everything to me and I was making over $65K a year. Now I have $20 in my bank account! I suggest you do what your heart tells you. I loved my job (to a certain extent), had great health insurance, had tons of security...and you know what? I couldn't leave my son with strangers and a bunch of other "abandoned" babies in a day care facility. No offence to anybody else, but I just couldn't leave my son because he became more important than anything in my life, including my life. Lots of moms were broke and figured out how to make it work from home. For example, Paula Dean on the Food Network sold sandwiches out of her kitchen and now she is a famous 'home-cooking' chef. Don't give up. Don't stop listening to your gut instinct on this one. If you find someone you trust, and you are comfortable with the decision, go back to work. P.S. Staying at home can be excrutialingly boring if you are a mover and a shaker, but I feel like your kids should be worth it.