im 50. married. but the sex with my wife is non existent so i go else wear, am i right in doing this ?iv tryd talkin , i have needs dont i ?
2006-08-03 08:20:28 · 21 answers · asked by tom 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Tom,
I'm going to be very honest and forthright here. I'm sorry, NO, you are absolutely NOT doing the right thing... especially not by your wife...YOU ARE BEING DISHONEST... even if you are not having your needs fulfilled at home, there are other ways of changing this situation other than commiting adultery... and making a fool out of your partner, whether she know it yet or not. You obviously have problems in your relationship if you are not having a mutually happy sex life... if you respect and still care for your wife you should honestly talk with her about this and let her know that this is a serious matter that is threatening your relationship and making you unhappy. If you both still love eachother you would *both* want to do something constructive to renew your love life. These problems, when dealt with bravely and openly, can often be the springboard to a fantastic new lease of life, love and passion between you...and has happened in many similar cases already. (Through going to counselling..YES..even if it frightens you, or you think it's a load of rubbish - it isn't, and it absolutely CAN help you.) The sad thing is that you've already dishonoured this relationship by sleeping with someone else... and if you were going to start having a powerful passionate relationship that would mean being truly honest with your wife and letting her make the decision of whether she wants to stay with you or not. She is most likely deeply privately unhappy herself... most women are by far not stupid and she will already know something is not right... and she is of course living at the other side of this non-physical partnership...not that it is a true partnership anymore! :o( PLEASE be honest with her, do the noble thing and let her make her own decision. She may want to start a new life for herself... even if she's afraid at first... she also deserves happiness and a chance to create it in her life... a separation may free you both.
Attitudes like yours and the person above called 'Va Va' who make excuses for selfish dishonest behaviour are not being even remotely responsible, emotionally or physically... and YOU ARE CAUSING EVEN MORE UNHAPPINESS. PLEASE give yourself a wake up call. BE brave enough to turn this around, to be a good person and do something positive about this...whether that's to be honest with your wife and start again, or to be honest with her and then make an exit from the relationship.
If you just want someone to tell you that what you are doing is 'okay' then you are obviously free to listen to the others like 'Va Va' who are also trying to salve their own consciences... and who are making the same mistakes as you... and you will dig yourself into a deeper hole. It is self-deception... and denial. But for your own sake, do not be any more foolish than you have been and take some mature responsible action.
GO ON!!! You can do it! It is better than living for the rest of your life knowing that you deceived your wife, in the worst way you could. Give yourself AND her a chance to find a loving relationship where both your needs can be met.
It is up to you, to choose the right thing. No-one can make you... I hope you have the strength to do right by your wife, whom you DID decide to marry, and therefore should allow her some dignity.
You need to be brutally honest with yourself...and that takes guts. Hope you can do it.
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2006-08-03 09:17:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well to be honest you both are in the wrong. You are in the wrong because you are going outside of your marriage for sex you made vows therefore you either work it out or divorce her. Your wife is wrong in a sense because she is not giving you any.As your wife she shouldn't with hold sex from you. Although there could be plenty of logic's as to why she's not engaging in sex with you. Maybe she has a problem so maybe she should see a doctor or seek counseling. Mean while if you love her enough you will try to find out whats going on with her and get her help and stop having sex with other women. If you can't come to some type of agreement then maybe a divorce is your next answer if you're not happy. That' better than dogging her out by sleeping with other women.
2006-08-03 08:53:46 · answer #2 · answered by liliw24 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your looking for someone to justify it all for you.You know yourself better than anyone else so ask your self this same question.Why stay married and go out on your wife? Get a divorce if it's that bad in stead of committing adultery.Just so you know these words are coming from some one over 50 and not a teenager.
2006-08-03 08:31:28 · answer #3 · answered by Linda R 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
yeah you do have needs, thats understandable, but cheating on your wife is abysmal. Just because her sex drive is incompatible with yours doesn't give you an automatic right to go elsewhere. You must try to impress on your wife how you feel. I do realise how frustrating your situation is, I have left a partner over it in the past.
2006-08-03 08:30:10 · answer #4 · answered by purpleandroid 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I take it your wife is roughly the same age as yourself. This means she is probably going through the change at the moment. this plays havoc with your emotions, she needs support and understanding at this time, your wanderings will just make her feel depressed and unwanted. Depressed and unwanted women don't want sex with some one making them feel second class. Have some thought for some one who has probably been your partner for some time and supported you through rough times and probably had your children and looked after them. Don't be selfish it's her turn.
2006-08-03 08:38:45 · answer #5 · answered by angelcake 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop being such a self centred plank. So, you think your wife doesn't want sex? I can guarantee that she does, I can also be pretty sure that she knows what you are up to. probably explains why she doesn't want sex with you.We're not stupid you know. Get a grip, grow up and sort yourself out or get ready to lose half of everything you own.
2006-08-03 08:29:59 · answer #6 · answered by Pookie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ever thought that you're wife might have needs too. You need to get off your butt and make her feel like she wants to take care of her needs. Don't think she doesnt know that your doing something. She may not know what be we women know when something isnt right. She proberly just doesnt care anymore. It's men like you that make ppl not want to get married.
2006-08-03 08:29:22 · answer #7 · answered by purple s 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no... Its SO wrong.. You need to talk to your wife and discuss the issue.. Going elsewhere for sex is not gonna make you happy in the long run.. It is just a short term satisfaction..If it is more than that to you.. You need to find your testicles again and leave your wife... Its only fair to her
2006-08-03 09:00:34 · answer #8 · answered by rugbylionstar 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As far as im concerned you are a cheating rat-you are not being fair to your wife by sleeping with other women. Why dont you divorce her if you are that unhappy? or confess to her what you have been doing and try to talk and work it out with your wife. if i was your wife and you confessed that to me youd be out of the door YOUR FEET WOULDNT TOUCH THE FLOOR.
2006-08-03 08:38:07 · answer #9 · answered by Little Minx 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well some times we all have our needs im not say what you are doing is right or wrong just that men and women some time cant find what they want at home so they go else where to find there needs if thats what you are doing and are not hurting no one well......
2006-08-03 08:40:24 · answer #10 · answered by finnlecarb 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋