What is it like to have your parents divorced and hating eachother? I really need to know.?

Question

My friend's parents hate eachother. And worst of all, they're using her to smite one another. i'm not quite sure how to help her cope with it. She doesn't understand what they're doing, but I not truly in the line of fire, see what is going on. I'm a terrible crying pillow. I don't know how to help. I want to help. I feel an obligation, duty, responsiblity to help. She's my one real freind I've got. She broke down once and told me everything from her point of view. her dad was supposed to pick her up this summer, but couldn't pay her mom the expenses, and her mom said he was a dead beat dad who didn't love her. If anyone out there can give me a hand, and explain to me what I can do, I'd love you to the end of time. I just want to know. Anyone from ANY point of view is welcome.

her parents were divorced since she was three, and she's a teenager.

Answer 1

that's a tough situation. Just be supportive to your friend and listen to her when she needs to talk and to VENT. With time, hopefully, her parents will GROW UP and resolve their animosities that they have towards each other. In the meantime, your friend needs to separate herself EMOTIONALLY from them and just do what she has to do for herself. Her parents issues are her parents issues, and she has to realize that. She needs to set up BOUNDARIES with her parents. It will be tough but it can be done. good luck

Answer 2

I am a child of a devirced family. Even though I was small when my parents got divorced they will use the child to smite each other. She just needs to be strong and tell both of her parents that its her turn to say something in this situation and have both of her parents understand that she is not going to pass messages back and forth, she is not going to here one parent talk junk about another parent, and that she is not going to be used as a tool to hurt the other. That she will pick when she wants to go to the other parents house and she will have that parent pick her up at school. I am assuming that you are a teenager since you are using this program. If your friend is a teenager also she has every right to stand up for her own rights ... So tell her to call a family meeting where she is the one talkng and they are the ones listening

Answer 3

I know its difficult for you and your friend but my parents are divorced about 15 years ago. They waited when we were adults and my younger sister was the first to have a divorce. She had trouble getting over that 1st. one I of course living aboard didn't know anything till almost 6 months later from my mom when she wrote me a letter explainng I kind of suffered from it. Fews yrs. went by I was older even had a baby our son was 7 yrs. old I believe I get a letter from my mom that they divorced after 34 yrs. of marriage I was 33 then . My heart was broken but I knew this was coming for sometime even when my sister and I were kids. But I surely wished then things like this didn't happen. The family breaks apart before your very eyes. Divorce has been an issue at home. My sister married and divorce after 12 yrs. for the 2nd time. Later my Dad remarried another 2 times .so 3 times all together. My mother never remarried she kept her freedom and many years later met a man they have different type of a relationship I think its a '' LAT'' Living Apart Together. This seems to work out just fine between those 2.
I'm not divorced and I don't know if this going to happen to me.

So children are vunerable in a critical period because of divorcing parents its normal that kids are in the corner.
You want to help talk it over with your parents. I don't know whether you know but sometimes there are telephone numbers to call for help I can't seem to remember right off hand, isn't there a telephone number so children can call for help. Sometimes a church can help. But talk about it seriously with your mom and Dad. You are doing the right thing and I know your friend has the trust in you....Go and help her she has a very good friend...you.
Good-Luck!

Answer 4

my folks have been divorsed for about 10 yrs.. yes it is har d when they bash each other...

The best thing you can do for your friend is to listen and be a good friend and a good listener.

You can see if your area has support groups ( free..at the hospital or church)

What her folks are doing is covering up thier pain with anger and hatred. And when they use her to get back at each other she suffers. That is another form of control or to hurt the other one.

you can may be teach her a hobby so she can "tune out" what is going on...drawing,writing or even painting.

maybe you can take her to the movies to escape that anger.

Be a good listner sometimes she may just need to talk it out.

Answer 5

its better to have parents who hate each other apart than parents that hate each other together. when my mum and dad were spliting up it was extremly hard for me, and all i really needed was a friend to listen and comfort me, thats all. Your a third party you cant do anything cause its not actually your family business. You really need to get her to understand and encourage her to tell her parents firmly how much of an affect their game playing is having on her, cause they are using her as a porn on a chess board. You need to get her to explain to her mum and dad what emotional and mental damage their treatment of her is affecting her wellbeing. Her parents are using her to get back at each other which is extremely immature and dangerous to her health and stress levels, encourage her to take to her parents before its too late.. good luck all the best. If you need anymore help or you or your friend need someone to talk to just let me know x

Answer 6

She might need to go through the courts to get counceling for her parents, they shouldn't be saying anything bad about each other in front of your friend- but adults don't realize sometimes what they are doing- your friend should work up enough courage to sit them down and talk to both of them about how she feels- because no matter what she loves her dad, and loves her mom- and shouldn't be influenced to change her feelings. if her parents can't abide by that then your friend can call dcf and tell them what they are doing, because she will end up growing up with alot of resentment torwards both of them, it should all be avoided now if possible. good luck to your friend- and you are very sweet to be her shoulder- we all need that some times- so good job to you as well. but your friend only needs to contact the courts because she has more say in things then she realizes, it's all about her-and her well being and mental health. good luck sweetie

Answer 7

It is a very sad, sad situation. Especially if you are very close to both parents, and are afraid that you would have to choose one over the other. My parents got a divorce after 18 years of marriage and it felt like the family was completely torn. But both parents understood that I cared and loved both of them and they had to get adjusted to sharing me, just like I had to do with them. Good luck.

Answer 8

You can help only by listening to and loving your friend.
You and your friend can't change or solve things with the parents.
Just listen and try to understand. Be a friend, you can't solve her life and neither can she. It usually gets better after a few years after divorce they aren't so involved in hating each other and have new lives of their own. time will help

Answer 9

my parents divorced when I was a child as well. they were always friends, while i did not understand i the divorice stuff, i would talk to my fiends who did not understand because they a mother and father in the house. i came to depend on one friend who just listen. later if build small with my dad and his new family glad i did

Answer 10

It's comlicated. Parents can be as immature a litle kids sometimes. They feel unessisary rage towards the other one. Put your self in you friend's shoes.