My wife can't love me?

Question

After 15 years of marriage, my wife says something has been missing all along. She loves me very much and thinks I am the perfect guy...for someone else...Kids, friends & family complicate things. She had an affair (it's over) but admits that she can't get this guy out of her mind. We are getting counseling, but so far no changes. What should I do?

Answer 1

It's time to let her have some time on her own. If she thinks you are the perfect guy, she will end up missing you and wanting you to come back to her.

Sometimes, as you know when a woman makes up her mind, nothing is going to change that, even counseling.

Let her have her space, and hopefully she'll come to the realization that she needs you when she doesn't have you.

Answer 2

Honey, why are you torturing yourself? There is no sense in forcing something to work that just isn't there. You two obviously care a great deal for each other, it's just not in the sense that married couples should. The counseling doesn't seem to be working and she insists something is still missing. It could just be that you've grown in different directions. I don't often agree with divorce, but this might be one of those situations where it's probably best. And do it before it gets ugly, while you are both on good terms and can put the kids first. Family and friends will learn to adapt. You can't make her love you the way you need to be loved and you can't spend the rest of your years being compared to some other man either. You are between a rock and a hard place. The longer you wait, hoping for something good to come of this, the longer it's going to take you to get over it. Fifteen years is a long time in today's standard of marriage, but are you willing to remain in a relationship like this for another 15? And to have the same result? When things aren't going right, people will only tolerate so much for so long before they reach a breaking point.....don't wait till then.

Answer 3

Let her go. I know you are hurting, but for both of your sakes if the counseling isn't helping-let her go. Know in your heart and mind that you have done everything you can to save your marriage, and move on. It's scarey, but you can do it. You deserve to be loved as much as you love your wife. I am thankful she was brave enough to tell you what the problems are. Some spouses just keep going on making everyone around them miserable. 15 years is a long time to be love and be with someone, and I know you have got to be going out of your mind with all your hurt and anger. Things like this happen, get out now, while you can still at least be civil to one another for the kids sakes. You will be dealing with her the rest of your life, school, weddings, parties, etc...Pick yourself up by the boot straps, and put yourself make on the market...If you aren't up to dating right now, which could very well be the case, go out with the guys, do some traveling, spend more time with the kids, do something you enjoy...There is women out there that are looking for you! Again you deserve to loved and cherished...God bless you all................

Answer 4

well it is obverse that your wife has moved on and away from you. I doubt counseling will help. It would have helped before she had an affair. Often times in a married relationship husbands start paying less attention to the wife and that's where things go wrong.....

Answer 5

See this is why I'm afraid to get married even though I'm engaged. 1. I don't know how you can stay with someone after they cheat on you, I would hate that person and never be able to trust them again. 2. She admitted to you that she can't get over this jerk off she cheated on you with so............yes, it's going to be probably the most emotionally painful experience of your life but I would say get divorced. The more you prolong it the worse you are going to feel. It's never too late to meet the right person. Good luck to you, just remember not all people are back stabbing and evil but most are so choose wisley.

Answer 6

Another person who's confused true love with infatuation. Have you discussed the difference between those two in your counseling session yet? Because if she keeps seeking the path of infatuation she'll never be satisfied, or ever in a healthy relationship. That needs to be something she hears about.

Answer 7

If she has made up her mind to move on with someone else,there's no stopping her.Counselling is a good option but if she wont allow u to rekindle the passion,fire,love & memeories of the past,there's little cuonselling will do.Explain things to ur kids..the both of u,without poisoning ur minds against each other.If u need to go your way,u might as well get prepared for it and not lose ur dignity.

Answer 8

her mind already set to that guy who she had affair. and I wouldn't be suprised if she found him and then later didn't work out and she coming back said it was biggiest mistake and i want come back...

Tell her You made that choice and We did go though counseling and you seem didn't want to make the effort to make it work. and then you went to that guy and didn't work out and coming back to me??? You biggest lost, After i made love and give you life and everything for 15 years, I try to save this marriage but you just simply took one page of 15 years life on there and crumble it and throw in the garbage just like nothing worth. So, I am sorry that you made that choice and I made the choice not have you back in my life.

So be ready for that and so you will know where you stand. I have girlfriend i been with for 5 years and her ex boyfriend want her back and she asked me what should she do. It up to her to make that decide to what she want to do and she want to break off with me and back to her ex boyfriend one year later she write me a letter want me back. I told her you had a choice and you made that choice I didn't tell you what to do you did and sorry for that has happen. and she reget for what she did to me and herself.

So, wow, what your wife did she should though about it before you guys got married why you won't be going though right now after 15 years ... if not right time for both of you and you would be married to other woman for 15 years and very happy. but she throw 15 years =5,475 days she had that time to fix the plm before or after married but she didn't she choose to look for easy way out. I am sorry for being stright with you man and. If my wife did that It over done. why married me first place??? wow. I make sure my kids live with me full time no her.

hope that helps.

Answer 9

15 yrs is a long time,,,I think she loves you for someone like you..since she is not like you (nice) she probably wants to be treated badly,,,well, good luck to her because nice guys don't come often,,,and the affair she had? Well, once a cheater always a cheater...don't wait for another affair...Counseling only works when both want it to work...and its obvious she doesn't...What I think you should do is find yourself a perfect girl for you ...someone who respects you ...take it from me ,,there is someone for you.........the best of luck!

Answer 10

She is right ... something is missing in your marriage and that is HER.

She is not there for you emotionally or physically. Take the cheater to court and sue her for a divorce. If you have kids then you need to get custody away from her.

Good luck!
G.G.

Answer 11

You should make sure that you are happy. If she is that unhappy, she will not be able to make you happy. And if she has someone else on her mind, she will not be able to give you the emotional support that you need from a wife.