Future mother-in-law help?

Question

I posted this once and now Yahoo won't let me read it, or my answers! (Technical difficulties, I guess.) My fiance has a son Billy. I have been part of his life ever since before he was born. When we go over to my future MIL's house, she often contradicts the things that I say to Billy, such as "use your manners " (she'll say "he doesn't have to), stuff like that. (She has no manners herself). After we're married and have kids, I'm afraid she's going to tell them to do the opposite of what I do, and do what I ask her NOT to do. I realize that she is the grandmother and that they spoil their grandkids and what not, but I don't want her to teach them things that I don't believe in. She has already made it clear that she wants to spend LOTS of time with my future kids. She is not the type of person that you can sit down and tell her how you feel, because she will shoot you down and say you're the one in the wrong. What can I do?

Example of doing something I ask her not to do: When Billy was born, he had really bad acid reflux, and I told her once to not feed him adult foods, he had to have baby foods that his already tortured system could handle (dr's orders). She did it anyway.

I never fought with her over what she tries to teach Billy because Billy is not my blood son, and he mostly lives with his mom.

Answer 1

This your husband's problem to solve. He has to tell your MIL that you are the boy's mother (ok, stepmother), that she is the grandmother, that your views (and his) on childrearing are the ones that count, and that she has to respect that

BTW, I have four sons between the ages of 19 and 8. I know that when they spend time with their grandparents that they don't follow all the rules I would like them too. I'm OK with that. It's part of what grandparents do. But, I have told my mom a few times that she may not contradict my parental decisions in front of the children.

Answer 2

It looks like she is giving you a preview if the upcoming battle you will face. She seems determined to raise the kid how she sees fit. I would talk with your fiance about this and have this addressed right away.