Today my husband lost another job. He can't seem to hold one down. I have worked a year and a half and I've only missed one day. And thats because I emotionally needed a break. He told me on the phone that maybe we should just get a divorced. And hung up on me. He hasn't called me back since. Right now I know he is stressed out, he has lost job after job. He owes over $3000 in fines and now he doesn't have a job so he won't be able to pay the fines. And will more than likely go to jail. He lost his licence so he can't go to work. I don't have a licence just a permit. And I hire people to come and get me and take me home but it is getting old. And we are in the middle of moving our mobile home which has to be moved by Monday, Am I wrong for wanting this divorce? He takes advantage of me and exspects me to do it all. I am a tired 27 yr old female and I've been married since I was 15. I don't know how to pick up my life and move on. What should I do? SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY!
2006-08-03 06:21:41 · 15 answers · asked by Nevada 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My first question, how long has he not been able to keep a job? Second question, do you still love him? I'm not the type to agree with divorce. In my opinion, it's only an option if you're being abused or cheated on. But anyway. I say that you should BOTH go to a pastor for some help. Both of you can talk to him and tell him both sides of the story. I admire you for staying married for 12 years, especially since you were 15 when you got married. Maybe he is going to work at a job that he hates and sucks at just to help put some food on the table. Try helping him find a job that he enjoys. As for the going to jail, maybe that's just what you both need. You'll both realize just how much you love and need each other. Going to jail may also help him to stop doing what ever it is that has racked up all these fines. Sit down and talk to him. Ask him if he really wants a divorce. He probably doesn't, and just said that out of anger. I know that it seems easier to leave. And in one way it is. You won't have to support two people. But remember, you'll still be working with no car, and you'll still be a tried 27 year old woman. But you'll also be a heartbroken and lonely 27 year old woman on top of all the other stuff. Sit down and ask him why it is that he can't keep a job. Then help to find an easier job that he may enjoy a little more. And even if it starts out at minimum wage, it'll be better that nothing. My best advice I can give is to start going to church, give your life to God. Lay your problems down on the alter and leave them there. God has a plan and everything happens for a reason. Life is tough, and no matter how much money you have, there will always be something you don't like about your life. I hope that you and your husband can work through this and have a stronger marriage than ever.
2006-08-03 07:29:21 · answer #1 · answered by sean's_mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you can fix this problem.
You have been married 12 years to a man that can't hold a job. What a fine woman you are. You don't mention his problems...but if he lost his license...and he can't keep a job...he has a big problem that he isn't dealing with. Maybe drinking...maybe something else.
I think that he needs to grow up. You are taking such good care of him (or at least monetarily) that he doesn't feel the need to grow.
Moving on is hard if you have kids. But maybe you need too. If you love him...you still need to have a decent life. Give him a plan. Tell him that nothing good will happen if he doesn't change. If he wants to he will but you can't make him.
Until then...look out for you. Get a new place....maybe share it with someone who can watch the kids...like an older woman. Share the rent and save up for your own place. Read more...so that you get more of an education and can make more money.
When you change nothing...nothing changes. Just take the first step and the world will open for you. Good luck and keep your head high!!!!!
2006-08-03 06:35:14 · answer #2 · answered by kishoti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be perfectly honest with you, sounds like the relationship i am in currently. I say leave and never look back. You have done all you can do! You have done your part. Now it is time to start thinking about you and what is right for you. You shouldn't have to support you and your husband. At least not all the time and he cant even hold down a job! he got fines that he is probably going to ask you to help pay if not he is going to be locked up and when he gets out he will probably do the same thing again. If i were you leave id leave. Get a divorce and find out who you really are!
2006-08-03 06:40:13 · answer #3 · answered by ladyro_22 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look, I am in almost the same exact situation and have finally found the courage to say enough is enough. My husband hasn't worked a steady job in 9 years. He drinks alot and has a DUI pending where if convicted will do some time. I have a good job, a nine year old son, and have been married just as long as you have. First, quit enabling him to do the things he does. Second, it's not only up to you to make a marriage work. Third, it's not your fault that he's in trouble and not your job to bail him out.
Trust in yourself, you'll probably be better off without him anyway.
2006-08-03 06:40:14 · answer #4 · answered by sixties 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's going to be a hard road for you if you get a divorce and if you don't. I can't understand why he can't hold a job down, but for whatever reason it is, he needs to get that straightened out first. You need to worry about you right now. It sounds like you've had it pretty rough, and you just want to give up. But don't do that. I'm not saying that divorce is the answer, but maybe you need to just go and stay with friends or family for a while until he gets his self together. I mean, it would kind of be like , you leaving him, but maybe that's what it will take to make him step up ,and hold down a job. Don't let him drag you down with him. You carry on about your business, and keep working and do what's right for you. Obviously there is more to the story than this, but just do whatever you have to do. It seems like he is ready to give up, too. Good luck. God Bless you.
2006-08-03 06:31:08 · answer #5 · answered by Littlemissy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why would u be wrong in wanting a divorce? the problem i see here, is that no matter how committed you are, and no matter what u are willing to do and sacrifice for the marriage, HE IS NOT DOING HIS PART. he is not fulfilling the vows to love and cherish you, til death do you part..he is not taking care of you, he can barely take care of himself. he is bringing you down, and you are willing to go down w/ him if he was just nice to you, i know it!!! that's very admirable on your part, but he's NOT being nice to you, he is not able to support a marriage, and you are not able to do anything either because of him!!! get therapy, get help, if that doesn't work, i would suggest moving forward with the divorce. if u feel that u've done all u can and put in 150% in this relationship and it still looks like this at the end of the day, it is not a healthy partnership, regardless of the vows you've taken; in fact they're pretty much broken. if he changes and wants to work w/ you, awesome. do it. but he suggested the divorce! so u already know where his mind is at.. don't let him ruin your life.
2006-08-03 06:31:42 · answer #6 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yea, Id DEFINITLY say move on. Get a divorce and get out! It is far better to be on your own, than baby sitting a full grown adult who should be able to take care of himself. Im not even going to ask what the fines are for.... Im 26, I cant imagine what you are going through. DIVORCE HIM! Public libraries often carry the paper work needed so you dont have to get some expensive lawyer, but just leave him. Dont let him convince you to stay, sounds like he is a waste of space. Good luck.
2006-08-03 06:30:15 · answer #7 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Again, I STRONGLY DO NOT BELIEVE IN DIVORCE. File a seperation. Let him see what its like to have to do all the work for himself. Meaning keeping a job, feeding himself, washing his own clothes, etc. Let him see what life is like without you. Maybe that is his sweet wake up call!
You cant just give up or jump ship when a storm hits. You stick together and fight through it,...Your MARRIED!
good luck
2006-08-03 06:42:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
your not wrong for feeling the way you feel. you will only be wrong if you lie to yourself and go against what you feel is the right thing to do. no one can tell you what that is, you have to find that out on your own. there are ways to get to that point though, take some time for yourself, even in the midst of all the confusion, and try your best to be honest to yourself about everything that you are dealing with. the answer will come with time.
2006-08-03 11:09:39 · answer #9 · answered by Arianne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, married since you were 15! I'm honestly surprised you've made it this long. Divorce is a very personal decision, I'm just curious, has you husband ever received any treatment/therapy for a mental illness? It sounds like he might have one to me.
2006-08-03 06:34:27 · answer #10 · answered by daisyk 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋