This question involves a guy that I have know for the past 5 years, due to my uncertainty he allowed himself to get talked into a marriage that he had seconds thoughts about, though the woman has good quality that he admires, he is unhappy. We are not physically involved, but we are emotionally.
I told him that I was unsure of what I wanted so therefore he should move on, now however, we both realise that moving on was not what we wanted. The problem is that there is someone else in our drama now.
2006-08-03 06:08:03 · 32 answers · asked by Solitary 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
its unfortunate that you have taken so long to make up your mind,but better late than never.....if your sure your meant to be together then go for it.......lifes too short to not take chances when they come along........you missed your chance once,dont let it slip through your fingers again......good luck
2006-08-03 11:25:03 · answer #1 · answered by julie w 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
hmm well think about it..if he's married no matter what that is where is loyalty and efforts should lie, same with the wife he's married to.
No matter what, the 3rd person is now you and you have to deal with that, either by realising how you'd feel if you were the wife, or to realise that you should distance yourself.
Anything else can be a mistake..if he loves you and not her, well what happens if you guys get married, would it occur again? Since you're unsure too, its best you take a complete break and allow some time, space and distance between us and him...maybe both of you together are the cause of his marriage failing as it seems to be....for any marriage to work, it needs emotional respect and connection and for that to occur, both involved should distance themselves from all temptations, usually meaning other people of the opposite gender.
Hope this has helped....and if you believe in God, then find out where god has advised the same and if you dont believe in god, then maybe you should figure out if you are alone ;-)
2006-08-03 06:16:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is not meant to end, nor be entered into if doubted. I strongly DO NOT BELIEVE in DIVORCE. If he is married dear, then he is married. Sorry, but that is the decision he made and now has to live with. He needs to focus on making his marriage a more manageable place where he will be happy. You can not get in the middle of this. You know that he is married unhappily or not this is a married man and you should not lower your standards or excuse your morals and values. Put yourself in his wife's shoes, and think about it.... How would you feel if your husband left you because he was simply not happy with you and doubted it from the beginning. Leaving you with no decision on anything since he was not willing to work on the marriage. Then decides to be with someone else right after.
You must do what you feel is right and what will make only you happy since its your life and you must take care of yourself before anyone else. Just remember that Karma will always come back to you, regardless! I've been there before, and its a terrible thing! So just try your best to make your decision respectively.
Good Luck!
2006-08-03 06:19:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually, I think you should remove yourself from the picture for a while to give him time to see how he feels about her without you distracting him. He may never have gotten a chance to really focus on the marriage if his mind was on the "what ifs" about you.
Also, this will give you time to discover if your mind change was due to really wanting to be with him or if it's the old "you want what you can't have" routine.
I know this sounds harsh, I'm not trying to say that you are the reason their marriage isn't working, I am simply trying to point out that there had to be reasons you were unsure about being with him in the first place and our first reactions are usually the right ones. I also find it hard to believe that a person can allow themselves to be "talked into" a marriage. He wouldn't have married her if there wasn't some emotional attachment there. Point blank if the two of you were so in love that you should be married, you would be, neither of you would have allowed it to get to this point. I suspect that if you take a good amount of time apart to think things through seperatly, you will find that what you are holding on to are the feelings of the past. To be happy in the present we all need to let go of the feelings of the past no matter how difficult and painful it may be so that we may focus on our feelings NOW and work on our future happiness.
Also, you haven't said wether or not children are involved, in which case you need to permantly remove yourself from the scene, not to do so would be to excersice extreme selfishness and direspect for his kid.
Good luck.
2006-08-03 06:24:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, to use an old adage, he made his bed so now he has to lay in it. In other words, he got married of his own free will, and so now he's got to figure out how to make it work. Divorce is not the answer when he's never really given it a chance to work and never put a whole lot of effort into the marriage (and YES marriage IS work and effort!).
YOU on the other hand, need to say goodbye, because as long as you're a distraction in his life, he's going to always think about "what might have been" rather than focusing on what he's got right in front of him.
Do the kindest thing, and take a long walk. He needs to get his life straight, or this would hang over you both for the rest of your lives. Guilt is a horrible thing to live with, trust me.
2006-08-03 06:14:48 · answer #5 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you are both unhappy where you are now, would it really make sense to keep living unhappily, when you know that things would be better if you were together? Give it time...just wait a few weeks, see how things go. After that, you may realize that you are both still in love with eachother. Then it would be appropriate for a divorce. But you want to make sure you give it enough time because it could be just a crush, and you wouldn't want to make another mistake. But, I'm just a kid, so do with this information what you will.
2006-08-03 06:14:53 · answer #6 · answered by violinchic135 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is not yours, but his. He needs to decide if he wants a divorce to be with you. If he thinks his current marriage is not that terrible for him to get a divorce, you need to accept the reality that it ain't going to happen. However, be careful don't let it drag out for months and years if he can't decide. You'll have your time wasted at the end.
When you meet someone, there are 3 important elements for things to work. 1. the right person, 2. the right place, 3. the right time. If any of the 3 is missing, you need to make the hard choice and move on.
Good luck.
2006-08-03 06:18:18 · answer #7 · answered by acceb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is that because he was emotionally involved with you he couldn't become emotionally involved with his wife. Things might be a lot different if you and him weren't friends and so emotionally involved. He would be more open to emotionally connecting with his wife and he wouldn't have someone to keep talking about second thoughts and stuff with, he would be able to focus on his wife and his marriage and making it work. You two need to stop being involved even if it is just emotionally so that he can focus on trying to have a marriage.
2006-08-03 06:13:59 · answer #8 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone is unhappy in their marriage at one time. Have been married for 31 years and I can tell you it has been alot of unhappy times. People always ask me why I have stayed married and I always tell them that the happy times out weight the unhappy time. Don't get caught up in a friendship with the other sex. It never works out.Besides it is never fair to the other partner.You have to figure out what makes each other unhappy and talk about it and try to work it out. That is what is wrong with marriages now a days, its to easy to get a divorce !
2006-08-03 06:22:11 · answer #9 · answered by emileyepearl53 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've got the drama part right. Whatever the reasons for each of you being married to other parties, you must realize that you are legally committed to them. If each of you feel that you have made a mistake in that commitment, at least have the decency to let the other parties in on it. Don't make everything shabby and cheap by running around behind your spouse's back. I pray that the someone else in your drama is not an innocent baby on the way.
2006-08-03 06:19:04 · answer #10 · answered by mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to stop seeing each other. He is married it is too late now sad for you:(
Go find someone new and after awile he will be happy in his marrige. The only reason he is unhappy probalby is because he is around you too much. once you are out of site and mind he will be ok.
marrage is untill death does you part. not untill you decide you want to be with someone else. That is called dating. Marrage is a commitment one of the most important ones you can make. To betray that is one of the most wrong things you can do. How can you betray someone who made that commitment too.
I know you would not be the one doing the betraing. You are just the temptress and homewrecker.
2006-08-03 06:12:33 · answer #11 · answered by thatoneguy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋