Why do people say they are born gay when i recently discovered i was?

Question

I thought i was straight before but everything just changed in highschool. and no, its not a phase im going through.

Answer 1

I think some people are possibly more intuitive to just "when" they realized that they were Happy. I didn't realize it for myself until I met my Best Beloved. I looked into her eyes and knew this was who I was waiting for. Until then, I had no idea and had no desire for my own sex. As for you, Dearheart, you are still going through your growth yet and have a good few years to fully decide your sexual preference. No, I'm not saying it's a phase. I don't believe that it is. I'm just saying you have time. Good luck, my son.

Answer 2

Kinky,
Its easy to assume that you are straight- a lot of people do, and don't realize that they are gay until later. .. .

I always assumed I was straight, with little libido, because I WANTED so badly to be in love with a man. . . That being said, once I found out what it felt like to be in love, to understand that type of feeling, I knew that I couldn't EVER get that with a man- not their fault, it just isn't there for me. I could fake it with the best of them, because thats what I thought everyone was doing.

As far as recently discovering it- you'll hear a lot of folks tell you that you can't know yet- ignore them- only you know you .. . you also don't HAVE to take a label. You can just like people, and if most of them are guys, well, take it as a clue. You're hitting puberty ( I assume) probably has a lot to do with testosterone taking the reins.

I'm a girl, and don't purport to know the sex drives of males, but i still say that you'll have better experiences if you wait for someone who cares about you than the glory-hole/couple for the evening by default that I see some of my friends in.

Good luck to you!

Answer 3

Hey Kinky,

You say you thought you were straight, but now you think you are not.

There are two possibilities.

One is that you are bi.

One is that you have always been gay. Look at the language you are using "I recently DISCOVERED that I was" -- for example. Not I recently decided that I would be and my straight desires went away, but "I recently DISCOVERED that I was." We can only discover what is already there.

Did you think you were straight -- as in you lusted after every girl you saw after you got two pubic hairs -- or did you think you were straight because you expected to be straight, the people you knew were straight and your parents expected you to be straight?

If you lusted after all the girls and then that shut off and you suddenly started lusting after the boys -- well, I've never heard anything like it in my life.

What I suspect though is that you started dating, cause you were supposed to. You had some ambivalent feelings, but you did what you were supposed to, you started dating as early as you could of course, establishing your masculinity as it were. you made out some with girls, maybe even had some form of sex. It was ok. You didn't really connect with the girl(s) though. You liked them but you didn't feel that spark you saw your friends getting, and kissing them somehow felt a little bit wrong. Still, it was what you were supposed to do.

Sometimes when you masturbated other bois popped into the pictures you came up with in your brain, but you shoved them out of the way, because they weren't supposed to be there, but particularly at orgasm, back they came.

Sometimes you felt sort of an ache for one of your male friends. You didnt' analyze it too closely, but you wanted to be really close to male friends, maybe closer than some of them liked to be, so you held that down some, but the desire was there.

Then one day you kissed a boy, or saw his penis, or touched it -- or whatever, and you saw/heard fireworks. You felt happy, knots formed in your stomach. Either directly or indirectly, with the same boy or another -- this led to making out or to sex and then you "discovered" that all the things missing with girls were there when you were with a boy. Boys were what you wanted and what you needed and what was right for you.

If my description is even close to what happened. You did indeed discover a treasure, but the treasure was already in you. You were in denial, but you were not straight, you just thought you were. Being gay is not something new.

Am I correct? Feel free to email me if you want. I'd love to know how accurate I was.

Kind thoughts and hope for your future.

Luv,

Reyn
[e-mail]

Answer 4

I am personally not homosexual but I believe that it can be either way. I believe that some people may be born gay and not discover it until later, and some may make the decision. Each person is different so to say that all homosexuals are born gay or all homosexuals choose to be gay is completely wrong.

Answer 5

This doesn't make any sense, are you saying that you were only attracted to women, with absolutely no interest in guys at all, but now, out of the blue, you find men attractive? You sound like a very rare case if this is true. Do you still find women attreactive at all? I knew I was gay at a very young age. But decided to hide it until I was in my twenties. Everyone's situation is different I guess.

Answer 6

I didn't realize untill later either and some people don't until after marriage to starit relationships like my Grandfather. But it's said to be born gay because it's in your genes and it may just take some people longer to accept or imbrace into exsitance. Plus in a strait world you grew up thinking you needed to be strait!

Answer 7

most people know from a very young age that they have diff feelings than '' the norm feelings'' and thats why they say the were born gay others come to realise it later in life and not make the conection between what they felt as a younger child

Answer 8

what are you asking.....sounds pretty typical to me..if you think back you'll now see all the signs of your gayness in you past childhood..that youre mind just couldnt/wouldnt allow you to deal with before. We are all brought up to believe that we are straight...we try our best to believe that's true..but then cracks in our beliefs start appearing..and voila you discover that you're really gay..which is a devastating blow to most people...it's called coming out.

Answer 9

See, I personally make a point not to tell anyone else how THEIR sexuality developed. I think it's foolish as well as arrogant. Sexuality is a really complex issue, and the fact is we probably didn't all arrive where we are in the same way. So your experience may differ greatly from my experience (and in fact, sounds like it does).

Answer 10

Some people feel they were born gay and some feel sexuality develops over time. Both are valid theories (I guess). I suppose you'll be advocating the latter