i lost my baby and m not out of the pain yet.pls help?

Question

i m married for 4 years now.i was expecting for the first time.my husband and me both were very happy and planning for the baby.we even decided the name.but in my 3rd trimister i lost him.he was 7 and half months old.unborn.died in my womb.i used to tell him the stories every night and write letters to him telling all about myself and his dad.we both were so happy.but then this happend i we lost him.it is almost a year now but i m not out of the pain yet.i still talk to him in solitude and cry for him a lot.i m ok with the fact that he is gone but not ok with this fact that why me?
what went wrong?i do not want to come out of my son but in that way i think i m blocking ways for others.i was so selfish at that time when i lost him that i never even ask my husband how was he feeling at that time of grief.i was so busy crying for my baby that i became so selfish.i do not do that but still sometimes i cry for him as if he was only my part.pls help.wana be good to my husband.

Answer 1

loosing a baby, which is a part of the family even though he wasn't born yet, but before God's eyes, he was a human being...nonetheless....God has promise to resurrect all humanbeing that have past away, in this earth converted into a paradise, so you are going to be able to see him again...in the resurrection time. About you feeling this emotions, is natural and is good that you cry for this can prevent you from getting sick emotionally....but try hard to get your husband involved, and try to do other things, that are positive like reading the bible, do shopping together as a family.....pray together to God, and ask him for another chance in getting pregnant and have baby again....But let tell you that God had nothing to do with this accident, but is part of our imperfection, we die, because we are sinners, not because God wants us to die......write back at [e-mail]

Answer 2

Shaan,

Im so sorry to hear about your loss. Being a mother of two, I cannot begin to imagine your pain. Im no doctor but I know that the loss of a child regardless of how far along the mother is can equally be as painful. I had what is considered a spontanious abortion (losing the baby sometimes before a woman even knows she's pregnant). With that being said, I can tell you that I still to this day (14 years ago), still think about that child. That is why I say that I can only imagine your pain.

If this helps at all,
I strongly believe that you should continue to be open about your feelings with your Husband especially, allow yourself to be sad. It's ok to be sad, just try to get out everyday (sunshine) and do not isolate yourself. Even if you feel alone yet surrounded by family, this email should tell you that you are not alone. Remember that there is a man beside you who know's exactly what your feeling - he just might show it differently.

Also, if you feel like you want to cry forever (in simple terms), please talk to your doctor or professional.

I wish you and your husband all the best!

Sending you a nice big hug!

Micho

Answer 3

I'm so sorry that your sweet baby was born still and not with you in physical presence. It is the most painful experience of my life... my son was born still at 9.5 months 8 years ago on July 29th.

Grief is a real pain, and it takes a long time to move through that intense pain and settle into "learning to live with a broken heart." My heart is still broken, but the intense pain of grief is gone - that took about 2 years. For me.

Grief is a very selfish act/emotion. And really, it is. Grief is an all-encompassing emotional and physical reaction to something we - honestly - really cannot bear. The death of a child is unbearable - all of our hopes, dreams, and the future we planned is shattered. It's especially difficult when a baby is stillborn because the world around us doesn't have any connection to our baby, and thus, there's often abandonment from those we thought loved us. We turn inward and focus completely on our baby and our loss... and that's so very normal. It's also very "normal" for you not to support your husband - and that's because grief is all about what "you" have lost and how "you" feel. It took me and my husband a year before we spoke to one another about anything significant. We grieved separately and alone. We didn't touch either.

If you want to "be good to your husband," I think that starts with being good to yourself. If you aren't taking care of yourself, start. And, you can start being "good to your husband" by sharing how you feel with him. Communication is always the core. He may not be ready to share back, or he may flood you with all he's been going through. Don't expect your relationship to go back to the way it was before your baby died. Both of your lives are different now and greatly affected by your baby's death. Neither of you will ever go through another pregnancy (if you choose to have another baby) so innocent or carefree; that innocence is gone forever because you now know what "can" happen.

Why you? I don't know. Why me? Why any of us? I learned some great lessons in my son's death. I also received some great gifts. I've always believed that "it's not what happens to you in life, it's what you choose to do with what happens" that matters. My son's death was not in vain; I distinctly made the choice that it would not be. I started an organization to support women, I've written a book that has 25 entire stories of women who have suffered this terrible tragedy, and I've got another book in the works. You don't have to do the same thing, but believe that there's some reason that your baby died - and if you allow that something that keeps nagging at you to come forth, you can honor your baby - and your loss - in taking that action.

My heart hurts for you, and you are in my thoughts.

Hugs,
~Paula

If you would like the support of other mothers, please visit Honored Babies at http://www.HonoredBabies.org

Answer 4

I can't even begin to imagine how much pain you have been feeling. I have three sons and it breaks my heart to even try to fathom what it would be like to loose any of them. I am going to include a couple of links that might help you. One is from a woman who also lost her baby, and the other is about when someone we love dies.
http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/2002/3/22a/article_01.htm
http://www.watchtower.org/library/we/index.htm
There are other links on the page that may have some comfort for you and might even help your husband.
~big hug~

Answer 5

i really can't help u i've lost 6 babys and i haven't got over the first which was 6 years ago i named him and everything and i still cry at night over him i turned away from life nad god when he paaed away after i lost my last one which was 6 months ago i started going back to church but i have decided not to try to conceive again because i can't go through that pain again i'm sorry for your loss i wish no one ever had to go through but we do i know how u feel and u are not alone

Answer 6

so sad, i know how you feel i lost my 3rd baby .she would be 26 now. i have 3 other grown children,which is a blessing. but something i do when i am outside is look at the clouds, sometimes i believe i see her angel wings bright beautiful and its our special way to connect. God Bless you and your family.