When my husband and i met i told him from the start that most of my friends are male. I've always been like that, well he always acts like he's better than them whenhe meets them. I started a new job over a year ago and got to know a guy at work, I didn't keep it from my husband,i told him right away and even introduced them. Well my husband calls him a asshole and other things, and there is no reason for it, he doesn't even know him. I told him that if he got to know him he would like him and he still refuses. He was like this with all my friends until he got to know them. The thing that pisses me off the worst it that i had to like his friends from the start, they were his friends and i has to deal with it. How do i explain to him that it bothers me that i have to bust my butt for him to get to know his friends. I feel like everything i say doesn't matter, he gets so defensive. and it hurts me because i've tryed everything............PLEASE HELP ME
2006-08-03 04:24:15 · 12 answers · asked by yamahaviper_00 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he has alot of female friends... i have to deal with it. one of his good female friends is his ex-girlfirend
2006-08-03 05:24:31 · update #1
He must be a little jealous of the fact that you have a lot of male friends..so that is understandable..men's egos come into play then, and we all know how much they care about there ego!
It is unfair that he expects you to love his friends, but doesn't give your friends much of a chance. It is a two way street, let him know that it is unfair to you and also let him know how you have been accepting of his friends and he should do the same. Ask him why he feels these people are a**holes.
He should be happy you are honest and have been honest about having mostly male friends, there is nothing wrong with that as long as he knows that it is just friendship and nothing more would happen.He may feel threatened by these other guys, let him know, show him how much he means to you, and he might just change his attitude.
2006-08-03 04:33:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a tough spot girl. I feel for you. On the one hand, your husband comes first, even if he is insecure. On the other hand, he knows that you need to have other people in your life than just him - or he ought to know. Maybe you can find a way to bolster his confidence? Or you can come to a compromise? Perhaps you should not tell him every detail about the "other" men in your life, just like you probably don't disclose all the gory details of each conversation you have with your girlfriends.
The bottom line is that men are competitive and they can't help it. Even having males as friends threatens your husband and he is trying in his own way to be protective of you. You can't realistically expect him to want to have others hovering over his "territory" - it's just not the way things were meant to be.
Good luck.
2006-08-03 04:44:43 · answer #2 · answered by VNCGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, it's not going to be easy with a guy when it comes to getting to know another guy who's friends with HIS wife. Men have an undisclosed fear of loosing their wives to those so call "male friends", especially when they may go into becoming an "a__hole" as you put it. They can keep their friends whether males or females, but they really expect their wives to give up their guy friends once they have committed to marriage. So, you have your work cut out for you if you expect things to change just for your situation. If it does, please let the rest of us know what you do for it to change.
2006-08-03 04:44:06 · answer #3 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would try and talk it over with him again. If hes totally unreasonable maybe you should think about a few days apart to see if you are compatible. It sounds like an issue youve tried to ignore and wish away and hes a insecure controlling person who needs to realize not every guy you encounter is trying to get in your pants.
2006-08-03 04:59:39 · answer #4 · answered by Johnny 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hes a jealous type husband , if u tried everything to explain it to him that they are just your friends and they are nice but he dont like it well its time to stay away from those guys so he will not be irritated with your friends if you want to save your marriage but if u dont well its time to change a new husband..Goodluck hope it helps you think..
2006-08-03 04:44:13 · answer #5 · answered by mitch 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's good for the goose is good for the gander. Tell hubby this friendship works both ways. Treat your friends with respect and you will do the same with his friends. His jealousy will ruin this yet if he allows it to.
2006-08-03 04:33:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to tell him to back off because he needs to know that at the end of the day, you are coming home to him. Plus this is a sign of a controlling relationship.
2006-08-03 04:27:49 · answer #7 · answered by deal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he also has female friends then that should equalize everything. Tell him if he wants you to give up your men friends, then he should also give up his women friends.
2006-08-03 05:28:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your husband is insecure, but i'm sure you already know this. you can't change him by yourself, so you may want to get him to professional therepy to deal with his feelings...maybe he was hurt in some way by a friend who messed with someone he was dating in his own past...
Good luck.
2006-08-03 04:42:59 · answer #9 · answered by City slicker 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him "I'll give up my male friends, if you give up your female friends--especially your ex girlfriend--until that happens--leave me alone".
2006-08-03 06:07:15 · answer #10 · answered by Plus-Sized &Proud 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋