Why do I feel so guilty like I'm abandoning my kids when I drop them off at school?

Answer 1

Maybe you'd like to hear from a mom who feels the same way. I mean I know I'm not abandoning them.....but, I would rather enjoy them throughout the day. You're just a real loving mom, that's all. You get immense joy out of your children and if more parents got that much joy out of their children, we would be raising a much more empathetic, caring, intelligent population. Yes they have to go to school, but that doesn't mean we should be happy to send them off. Bet you read to them a lot and help them research stuff they enjoy, too, don't you?
Don't get me wrong, when it's time for a "girl's night out," or I leave the house for a freelance job, sometimes I can't get out the door soon enough! I have my own hobbies, a couple of freelance jobs, love to get out with friends, but, on the whole, I hate when summer vacation ends. The kids do drive me nuts at times, but they are the light of my life and I miss them when they're in school.

The fact is, yes, they have to go to school and you have to let go for that. They need school life as much as they need home life. However, I can't help but wonder if, especially in the younger years, that I'm missing opportunities to teach them valuable lessons in how they relate to others. You know the lunch aides aren't completely devoted to the task. And honestly, if I felt I was capable of homeschooling, perhaps I would do that and have them involved in even more stuff than I do now for the socialization purposes. However, I know I'm not capable of being their sole source of education, so I drop them off as you do, wishing they could be with me.
I know other moms that feel like you and I do. And I know moms who don't work who ship their kids off Monday - Friday 8-6 to summer camp all summer. I can't help but wonder how much relationship building those parents miss out on. You know that point someone made about them growing up, getting married and leaving your life? I'm banking on the quality time, conversation and them recognizing how important they are to me as being reason enough to get a phone call at least a couple times a week. Strong relationships are built through time and involvement. It seems to me, you have that philosophy as well. Don't let anyone put you down. And I'm sure your kids don't feel abandoned. Want to make sure? Drop a note in the bag or lunchbox to show you're thinking of them.

Answer 2

My mom kinda felt the same way. My school had ISSUES. I'm 13 now. In 4th grade (3 years ago), I asked my mom to homeschool me. At first, my mom didn't think she could do it, because she isn't a teacher, but she is a stay-at-home mom. But then, I said, "Mom, I have confidence in you. Please homeschool me?" We have a really close relationship, my mom and I. And I've been homeschooled ever since.


If you have the time and the right career where you're home most of the day, you can definitely homeschool your kids. You don't need a teacher's degree or anything, but you have to write quarterly reports each quarter and send them to the school that your kids are currently at. What are their ages? You can also find local homeschoolers in your area, and they can help you out.

If you need any more info on homeschooling, send me an email.


Hope you do it!

Answer 3

You don't have enough going on in your life - trust me, your kids would rather have a fun day at school and then share it with you in the evening than being shackled to their mother all the time. So it's not them....it's you. Find a job, volunteer, work in the garden, get a good book, but do something that is so interesting and valuable that you look forward to dropping them off in the morning.

Answer 4

Sounds to me that you need some Spa time! How can you actually not be DELIGHTED utterly and completely that it is BACK TO SCHOOL TIME! WHOO HOO!

It actually depends on how old they are. If they are little, I was the same exact way but you learn how much they love school and look forward to going when you leave them be and don't make a fuss...

When they reach first grade... You're glad to get rid of them for a few hours a day.

* Sings... See you in September.

Answer 5

Separation anxiety. Relax, it will pass...Use the time to work around the home, or organize the closets, or read a good book, or get a massage. Do construction things. Spend time with the children when they get home. Once a month, go have lunch with them, if you are allowed. Again, relax. This is a passage that must happen.

Answer 6

Melody,
Seems like some of the replies you have gotten are a little attack-ful - in my opinion.

This is very common. I use to cry when I left my son at daycare. I would think about him all day.

Unfortunately we live in a world with a bunch of crazy people. We watch wayyy to much T.V. and hear too many horrible stories in the news about children.

I had to just stop worrying so much. You worry because your children are a huge extention of you. You created these little people. They were inside of you and no man can every know what this was like - only you. So you automatically have a huge bond...and feel like you have abandon them. But you're not.

The only advise I can give you is one of higher-power...that's God. When I would drop my child off, I would literally get anxiety-attacks. So I would sit in my car...and close my eyes...and tell God..."They are in your hands now...please take care of him...please help me to get rid of this emotion...Lord you didn't give me a heart of fear...so please help me to get rid of what I am feeling".

I think within a couple of weeks I started getting better. I know it was because of my God...I asked him to help me...and he did.

Just last week...I prayed that same prayer when my son boarded a plane to Canada...all by himself. You gotta let go mom. It's hard but you just gotta do it.

Much love, and God be with you.

Answer 7

You're a typical mother. I felt the same way with my 2 boys. After the fact, I was amazed to find out that they did very well without me. Don't feel like you're alone with this separation anxiety thing.

Answer 8

You aren't abandoning them. You are placing them in the caring hands of their teachers. You should realize that you can't teach your kids everything they need to know, and trust that the teachers will do this job to the best of their ability.

Answer 9

Because you know that somewhere inside of you you know that your happy to have the time to yourself. Also, if they're young it may be some seperation anxiety because you are so used to having them around you all day. Trust me, it will be okay, it is normal and it doesn't make you a bad mother.

Answer 10

You're so attached to your children. Don't be. One day they're gonna go to college and then work and off to marrying someone and moving out. You shouldn't even feel guilty..You're offerring them education and learning. You're a good mother. =)