My husband and i were going through a bit of a rough patch, i felt so lonely and slept with another guy on several occasions (still having sex with the husband though). Now though i think that i may be pregnent, so what should i do, me and my husband already have 2 children and we did have talk of having a 3rd. I really dont know what to do if i am, as if i get rid of it, it could be my husbands but if i dont then it could be this other guy, everyone will know as he has 2 children also. I only ever want children with my husband. I dont want to get rid of this baby as it could belong to my husband!
Please dont judge me as i know i have been a bad wife and dont need to hear it from other people just need advice guys! Thanks in advance to all out there who is willing to help.
2006-08-03 03:31:17 · 28 answers · asked by noone 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
im 20 and my husband is 21, the other guy is 26 and a friend!
Thanks for not judging peeps you have made me feel a bit better already.
Been married 5 months together 4 years!
2006-08-03 03:45:19 · update #1
The ONLY way you are ever going to be able to handle this is to come clean with your husband. If you are not going to abort the pregnancy, then you are going to have to tell your husband.
Why ? Well, lottsa reasons.
First, let's consider the child to be born. If you keep this child in the family, then in the long run, there will be no way to hide his parentage if it is not your husband's. You say "everyone will know" which suggests to me that your lover looks pretty different from your husband. If that is true, then the child will look pretty different from it's half-siblings. Questions will come and the longer you hide this from your husband, the worse it will be when he finds out. Worse yet, when this child finds out, there will be all sorts of mental anquish to sort out - and adding your husband's anger on top of it would be almost unbearable.
Second, and again as to this child - if you have this child and keep this child and don't ascertain his parentage, then how are you ever going to handle his/her medical history ? You will know what has happened on the maternal side but you really won't know about the paternal side --- and if the child is not your husband's then the child won't have the same genetic predispositions as your other children. (And if your husband didn't know, and took the child to the doctor, he would answer genetic questions erroneously.) If you do ascertain the child's parentage and the child's father is NOT your husband, then you have to get your lover's medical history.
Third - again with the child - if you ascertain the parentage of the child and the father is your lover, then you may well have to deal with the idea that he would want a relationship with his child. Legally, the child would be the child of your husband....any child born of the mother is legally presumed to be the child of the mother's husband. That could change, legally, once the blood tests are performed and the parentage is determined.
Fourth - your husband. Your husband has the right to know whether the child for whom he is going to be legally responsible is his or not. He has a right to choose and the longer you deny him this right by lying to him (and you will be lying to him if you hide this potential fact from him) the worse it will be when he finds out.
And he will find out.
Fifth - you and your husband. If you and your husband are going to survive as husband and wife, then you are going to have to face this together. If you don't tell him and you carry this secret regarding a child being raised in your family, you will --- and your relationship will --- eventually fall apart under the strain. (I might not give the same advice - that being that you tell him about the affair - if there were not child. The child changes everything.) The longer you carry the lie and the deception, the heavier it will become and the bigger the fall out will be when you are eventually discovered.
So. Whew. Bottom line, you must tell him and work this thing through together. If you can salvage your relationship with him then maybe he can support you through the pregnancy and, if the blood test reveals the child is his, then you two are in a better situation. So is your family. If the child is not his, then you can decide whether to keep the child or give the child up for adoption. (The natural father may want the child under that circumstance. Even if you two stay together AND decide to keep the child, you probably should tell the child's father.
You have some tough choices to make.
Good luck.
2006-08-03 03:55:21 · answer #1 · answered by two 4 · 5⤊ 4⤋
You need to tell him and ask him his opinion, you will feel much better it will be hard and he may want a divorce but it would be the right thing to do in your situation. He is your husband and he is the one that is there for you and is supposed to be through thick an thin. From that point you can work on the problems that led up to you having an affair weather it be your problem or his problem now it is both of your problem.
You can also take a test to see if it is his or not it is risky he will probably need to know though b/c they will need his DNA as well for the test and then you's can go from there, me personally I don't want children and I'm not mother material - been there - but had help getting there so he already knew, it is not an easy sitiuation to be in or a easy decission to make either way!
Good luck and best wishes
2006-08-03 10:54:21 · answer #2 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not here to judge you, if you are pregnant and you want the child keep the child nobody has to know. I am a Foster parent , I have my house full of unwanted unloved kids all the time. It's not the child's fault its their parents choices. You have a few choices live with the guilt ( which is what i suggest) or tell your husband. First off STOP having the affair. Don't tell the other guy anything if he asks if it could be his LIE and say NO because you are risking the ruin of two families and four + 1 on the way children. Your punishment for what you have done is living with the guilt everyday. Good Luck in what ever you decide to do.
2006-08-03 10:46:51 · answer #3 · answered by c0mplicated_s0ul 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will abstain from passing judgment by your own request. You are now paying the consequences of your behavior. Enough said.
Don't tell the other guy and please don't tell anyone about your suspictions, don't tell even your closest friends as word will spread out like gunpowder. Keep your suspictions a secret.
End your relationship with the other man inmediatly. Stop contact with him altogether.
If the child is the same race as your husband, then there is no need to tell your husband about it, It could be his too so, unless the baby is bi-racial or the other man have any particular distintive features that are evident on the baby then there should be no need to explain it to your husband, so as far as everybody knows, is HIS. Announce your pregnancy to your husband and carry on. Be happy as you both wanted a third child.
Be an exemplary wife from now on and learn from your mistakes. Good luck.
2006-08-03 10:40:39 · answer #4 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you didn't want to be judged, you shouldn't have gotten on here for answers. You will have to live with this mistake because the only way you will get out of the situation of not giving birth to the other guys baby would be to ask him to take a test to determine if it's his or not. Once he finds out about the situation he could give you up to your husband if he thinks you'll abort his child. Unless he feels that it's the right choice to save his marriage which he may very well want to do, you can only hope.
2006-08-03 10:50:10 · answer #5 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh my.....glad I'm not in your shoes. When you were married did you not say for better or worst??? Why would you cheat if you were not happy? Do those vows mean anything? And why would you want another child with your husband if you don't even love him enough to be faithful? You are reaping the repercussions of your actions, next time think of all this before you make such an unwise decision. And to answer should you tell your husband. YES! It may be hard but you made your bed, sleep in it. Hiding this will just tear you up inside and hurt him worst in the long run...and haven't you done enough to hurt him?
2006-08-03 10:46:04 · answer #6 · answered by e_deckwa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me start out by saying if the shoe were on the other foot would you want to know if your husband cheated on you? And if he got the girl pregnant wouldn't you want to know if he is the father?
I don't believe in abortion. To me it's murder and when did you become God to make those kinds of decisions to give life or take it? I don't mean to be harsh here about this but really I think you need to grow up and fess up to what you have done regardless of being pregnant or not. We do tend to do things we regret later in life and yes it is something that we will have to live with for the rest of our lives. Next time make better decisions and don't let you emotions make the decisions for you. Keep the baby (if you are pregnant) and tell your husband what has happened. It's only right.
Good luck to you and your family.
2006-08-03 11:27:02 · answer #7 · answered by jazzy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could cost a considerable amount but i believe that they can find out paternity while child is still in the womb. If you are still on good terms with the other guy you could see if they would run the test with him and then you would know. hat could also backfire though if he then wants rights if it is because there is no way to hide it then. Or you could just go on as if it never happened and let the child belong to your husband.
don't beat yourself up about the affair to bad i think everyone at least would like to at some point in their marriage and whether they like to admit it or not you never know what you'll do till your in the situation yourself.
good luck and god bless you
2006-08-03 10:47:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
U have to make the ultimate decision if you want to keep the baby you have to be honest with your husband ,confess about the affair get a paternity testing done once the baby is born. U might end up loosing your husband over this but its something you have to face, an affair is usually not the answer good luck
2006-08-03 10:48:38 · answer #9 · answered by nitenurse 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one. There are tests you can have that will determine the father of your baby. I'm sorry, but I don't know how soon you can have this done. But you could contact the other guy and when it's possible, have him tested to see if he's the father. That way you'd know and your husband wouldn't have to. I'm sorry you are in this situation and I hope things work out for you. See, no judging from me..lol.
2006-08-03 10:36:40 · answer #10 · answered by shynomore 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋