Racism...what would you have done?

Question

I am half Native American and half Swede. Over a year ago I had a relative,(Native American) babysit for me. She got in an arguement with my ten year old, called him a "white boy", then dropped my three children off at my home alone! The next time I saw her, she tried to wave at me and I flipped her off. Big deal right? Well now it has been over a year and she is still acting like I did something wrong. I actually thought she was quite lucky to be in a moving car and out of my reach, but somehow one little finger has everyone thinking I'm a big meany. Am I so wrong to not want to tolerate racism toward my children? What would you have done?

Relative is actually an inlaw.
Son's father is Native american.
And yes, she hates me with a passion.
Situation is unresolved because she is gutless and pretends to be scared of me...you know, that big scary finger and all.

Answer 1

You didn't do anything wrong. She was the one who was way out of line. Your not mean I would have done the same thing. No one should make racial remarks to anyone especially children. She owes your children an apology.

Answer 2

Your situation is quite funny, please excuse me for laughing. You were not wrong for feeling angry or offended, I mean, someone calls my kids "darkie" then abandones them will have me pretty pissed as well, but I do not condone the act of the "dreaded finger". This is one of those cases of what I like to call reversed racism, where the white person was on the receiving end (yes there is the stereotypical assumption amongst non whites that all white people are racist) hence the reason why I call it reversed racism

Most non white individuals reading your response may laugh just as I did at the situation, then say that it was good that it happened to you so that you see what it's like and well you know how the rest of it goes, slavery, the holocaust, the Native Indians and the land issue and the buffalo. But seriously, in a multi racial/ ethnic/ religious/ multi everything society such as the U.S. it's hard not to have such confrontations, but our responses should never be intolerance, because it breeds more intolerance. I always say that a lack of education breeds ignorance and ignorance is the root of intolerance, I would have made an attempt to, in a cordial manner of course, inform her that I did not appreciate what she did and would have even gone as far as to try and make amends, if this did not work, then I would have given her the finger.

So, in the future, if such a situation happens to surface again, remember; diplomacy first (this means that we pretend to like each other) and if that fails, then we give em the finger (this means we really let them know what's on our minds). Lets just hope that people take the diplomatic route.

P.S. The writer apologises for any spelling errors that may be contained in the above response as the spell check currently isn't working and i'm a terrible speller.

Answer 3

Because your relative is your relative I think you should talk things out with her and have an understanding.Even if you two don't agree on what morals and who was right and wrong.She probably doesn't know why you flipped her off,and you may not know how she interpreted it.I do believe she was wrong to call your child a white boy if it was in haste or out of anger and she was very wrong to leave them home alone.I'm sure if a conversation to address these issues existed you would not be so stressed over if you were wrong or right.

Answer 4

If she couldn't handle the situation better...she shouldn't have been babysitting. I would have done the same as you did. Plus, if she had left my kids home alone...charges would have been brought against her. Just because she is Native American doesn't give her the right to call someone (especially a 10 yr old) "white boy".

Answer 5

Calling your son names was bad enough and over an argument,( And why would an adult argue with a child, a ten year old no less), but dropping your children off by themselves is even worse. If she was baby-sitting they are obviously not old enough to be left alone. I try to be as non-violent as I can but I would have kicked her ***. And plus she tried to act like nothing happened when she waved at you. Please. She would be lucky if she could still move her hands when I got through with her.

Answer 6

its clear she is directing her anger of a relative marrying a swede at your son as he is too young to defend him self. If you are half swede and she is racist then she must hate you too. you don't say what your sons racial percentage is but if farther is not a native american he is only 25% native american and she may be worried at the loss of heritage. Do you really need this woman in your life if not just move on

Answer 7

native americans in general don't disciplive the same way caucasions do, a child acting up was invisible no one would speak to or acknowledge the child. she may have been doing what she thought best (i don't agree with her actions) the finger probably offended her, it very well may mean something worse to her than it did you. you should ask you husband what connotation that gesture has to his people. there may also be some proper or ceremonial way to mend the rift.for your husband and childrens sake i recommend you be the "bigger" person and make the first gesture...........plus let this anger go release it to the four winds it's doing you no good..........peace and luck

Answer 8

Perhaps you should explain to your in-laws - but not HER - that you did her a great BIG favour by not reporting her negligence and child-abandonment to the police...! She could easily have caused your children to die painfully by abandoning them like that, so I think you were very POLITE!!

Tell them that if anyone ELSE had committed such an outrageous crime, you would have reported them to the cops without hesitation! But because you 'love' your in-laws so much, and have SO much respect for them, you didn't want to cause them distress and pain by reporting her...!
; )

Maybe you should also point out that you're concerned that she hates your kids because they have a small amount of white blood - but I don't think it's necessary. I'd concentrate on the BIG favour you did that *****!

Answer 9

I am so sorry that someone treated your children so bad. you have every right to be mad, she abandoned andinsulted you babies ( im sure she said white boy in a snotty way) i would have done the same thing. you are not a meanie... you are a mom.

Answer 10

I would've did more than flick her off. You're right...she's lucky she was in that car....my foot would've been up her @ss for not only insulting my child but for leaving all of them at my house alone and then later acting like nothing happened!! She would've got bust up!!