Control Freak problem.......?

Question

My boyfriend says that if i go away for the weekend with my friends that he won't let me back in tho house and i've not to come back. I think this is totally unreasonable as i've only been away twice in 5 years living with him. If i go, I'll be homeless and if i don't, then he's won. I'm making plans right now to leave him. Serious advice only please X

Answer 1

how low is your self-esteem? you allow him to treat you like this?
if you rent, do you have a house key? is your name on the lease?
nothing he can do (if yes) except be mad. so....., F him.

the reason i asked about your self esteem is because you stated 'living with him' and not ' living together'.

Answer 2

This is a very big control freak problem, sorry but is he your boyfriend or your keeper, is the house in your name as well as his, if so he has no right to say you have no rights about going back into your own home, get your stuff packed now and go away for your weekend with friends and ask if any of them have a spare room you could have for a few weeks until you get your own place to live in, my advice unless you want to spend the rest of your life been controlled by this man then get out now, he will not change his ways but it will change your life cause you won't have one, good luck.

Answer 3

If the house is jointly owned or you are joint tenants, he can't refuse to let you back in. If he does so, call the police then see a lawyer to get an occupation order under the Family Law Act. It's a type of injunction and will put him firmly in his place. This is, however a pretty drastic step if you want the relationship to continue! An occupation order can be made by the court on the day that it's applied for so if you saw a lawyer on the Monday morning you'd have your order in the afternoon (England and Wales law).

Even if you're not a joint tenant or owner you can apply.
Most police forces will help a woman in your position these days, they can't just call it a domestic and get out of it. Why should you be the one who has to leave anyway? Flex your legal muscles. To find a good family lawyer locally try www.resolution.org.uk. If you're not entitled to legal aid, it'll cost about £500 to £800 but the court can order your ex to pay your costs.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Unreasonable is not the way i would describe that at all. what age are you! I don't mean to be hard or anything but WAKE UP girl. if he wins once then you are going to be under his rules from then on.
how would you ever leave the house again, you would never no the day that you would have done something that he did not agree with and you are faced with the same or worse.

get away from him as fast as you can. find someone who will let you have a life that doesn't revolve around him,

Answer 5

When my husband and I were dating he acted the same way here's what I did.......BEFORE you go away for your weekend make a couple of calls. The first, find someone to stay with. Second, call uhaul find out how much it will cost to store your stuff. They usually run a special where if you rent a truck you get a month free. Make sure he's there when you make the calls. When he asks what or why you can inform him that you already have a father. Then let him know that you intend to go away for the weekend and since he's told you that you have no place to live when you get back, that you want to make sure your stuff is out and that you have a place to stay.
It's called calling his bluff. If he doesn't stop you then it was meant to be. If he stops you, then the two of you need to talk about why he doesn't trust you to go off by yourself without him.

Answer 6

I would put the weekend away on hold until you have left.
There is no point fighting over who stays in the house you are in now. Can you store your stuff somewhere & stay with friends until you find a new place?
This can't be the first time he has shown his underbelly, you KNOW where this is leading, use the weekend away money to get away from this waiting to give you a slap excuse for a man.
Good luck.
Is there any way you can get your stuff out, make it seem like you're just gone for the weekend, until he ccomes home and see's you're gone?? That would be great!

Answer 7

umm, been there and done that girl. Go and have a good time, You will have a place to stay even if it is not with him, that is what your friends are for. So my ex would tell me stuff like that all the time and I would never go out, well I had to test the waters and he tried to lock me out of the home however my name was on that too, so therefore legally he couldn't do anything about it. That is okay because it just made my decision leaving a whole lot easier, f*ck that. If he is pulling that stuff with you now, just wait it only gets worse if you are stilling to stick around.

Answer 8

Your boyfriend senses your need for freedom and is behaving like this out of fear of losing you to your new friends. He knows that you rely on him for a roof over your head, so he is trying to keep you the best way he knows how. If you do move out, make sure you become financially secure in order to avoid this type of situation in the future. Is there any other reason why he would disapprove of ur friends? Does he know them? Did you explain to him the reasons for your wanting to go with your friends? Communication is key. Talk about your feelings. Do not accuse him or blame him for anything. Just use "I" statements. Ask him to do the same. Maybe you can come up with a compromise.

Answer 9

Maybe he wants to be included in your weekend plans but instead of asking, he bullies you into it. He sounds like a jerk. Go away with your friends and see if he tries to keep you from entering when you get back. Since you've lived with him for 5 years, you have residency, even if he owns the house. He is not legally allowed to bar you from entering and you can go to the police if he does.

Answer 10

Man, I have a slight problem similar to his. I can be the same way sometimes. I dont want to sound like I am justifying this action, but I know what it feels like. The only reason he doesnt want you going is because he is afraid that you wont come back, that you will find someone else or something like that. Wether he admits it or denies it, that is the ONE AND ONLY reason he acts like that. Before you go all the way with leaving him, try talking to him and get him to open up about why its sucha big deal. If you can get to feel like what he says and thinks actually matters, he will feel ok telling you why he doesnt want you to go. It can be fixed very easily in this manner. I know from personal experience.

Answer 11

To be honest I'd go... well now I would, years ago I would have worried like you did and let myself in for a long hard slog of always being sent on a guilt trip. I've given many things up and its only in the past year I realised I'd let someone else live my life for me. So you go, its your life bloody well live it... if the guy loves you enough he'll be there when you get back, if he isn't then it wasn't a relationship just a power trip on his terms...