It all began when we jumped into marriage. We had been going out for 3 years and decided to marry at 23. My parents did not like the idea, as they thought I was too young and even sent an email to me pointing out my fiancees character flaws to try to get me to re-consider. After they realized that there was no way to change my mind, they opened their arms to her and we got married. Now they come once in a while to visit us (two or three weekends per year). My wife and I have a great bond and it seems that nothing will separate us. But every time I tell my wife my parents are coming we get into huge arguments & she always threatens to divorce (she even ran off one time). Apparently, I found out 2 years after our marriage (right after our daughter was born) that she had seen the email sent by my parents while snooping in my email account. This seems to be ruining our marriage. As we frequently argue, and only about this. What can we do to leave all this behind us & start anew?
2006-08-02 21:30:19 · 7 answers · asked by gnomus12 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I got pregnant two months after I met my husband and married him in three, at the age of 21. My parents in law seem to love me. I resent them for not teaching their son proper sex education but I dont' hate them. I worry that their conservative fundamentalist Christian views are endangering the very lives of certain family members and alienating others. And I have been with my husband for 7 1/2 years now. If she has your daughter she has their granddaughter and needs to move past this resentment. If I were her I would confront your parents and ask if they still feel this way just to know where she stands with them. It could be that time has mellowed their opinion of her or proven them wrong in many ways.
You did not rush into marriage and if they opened their arms to her she has no reason to use the threat of divorce as a weapon against you. That is cruel. I would never threaten to divorce my husband for anything but a problem between us and loving his family is never going to be a problem for us. Now having them over when I don't think the house is clean enough is a real problem for me, but I can deal. Good boundaries are the best solution. As long as you give her a bunch of notice-at least a week-she has no right to complain.
Ask her how she would feel if your daughter was considering marriage-some of those feelings are more about a beloved child turning into an adult and being independant than how they feel about that person, even if they use the fiance's character flaws to try to talk them out of it. We are all human, we all have flaws, and the other imperfect humans will exploit them at times even though they think they are doing what is best at the time.
2006-08-02 21:58:59 · answer #1 · answered by Flowergirrl 2 · 8⤊ 1⤋
It all goes by when a person can forgive, then they can forget, and then they will let go and get over it.
I would sit down and have a chat about it, and see what part of the email upset her.
Also many people don't get along because of the mirror effect, you know when you see in someone else something you don't like about yourself.
The truth does hurt but the Soul holds all the answers.
To accept the truth can set your soul free.
Maybe your wife read something that hurt her so much that she can't accept it, so talking with her may help at least take it to another level of understanding, and maybe one day things will work out.
Good Luck
Love & Blessings
Milly
2006-08-03 05:31:04 · answer #2 · answered by milly_1963 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bless Your Heart!!! I know exactly what your wife is going through. I have absolutely NOTHING to do with my so-called-in-laws. They did me the same way your parents did her except they would eat me up to my face and dog me down behind my back, that went on for about 2 years then enough was enough. Now, they aren't even allowed in my house if I'm home and we don't even acknowledge we know each other in public. I totally ignore them- I have to just to keep my own sanity. I took their son away is how they see it and everything is my fault in their eyes.
Look, she can't and won't welcome them with open arms when they're coming over and I don't blame her. She married you not your family. Maybe instead of them coming out to your house for the weekend-- you need to be the one going to theirs without your wife and not put her through that. I know you feel trapped in the middle but there are things you can do to save your marriage (we've been together 10 years now) but ours would have ended a long time ago if I had to be around his judgemental family. Good Luck To You Both And Hang In There. Don't let your family tear a good thing apart. God Bless!!!!!
2006-08-03 05:56:06 · answer #3 · answered by good ole girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While you probably won't be able to start over, talk to both your wife and your parents- separately- and remind them that the other one is a very important part of your life and is here to stay. Tell your wife that you understand why she would be upset (at this point you really do have to try to understand!), and ask her to try to understand the kind of position it puts you in when she acts that way or says negative things about your family. Remind her that you want your child to grow up in a world (at least within her own family) with as little anger and suffering as possible.
2006-08-03 04:53:29 · answer #4 · answered by wormy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your wife that any parents will talk in a negative way only initially to change the mind of their children and expect to listen to them. Infact the same thing may happen to you as well in future. Ask her if the same situation comes in your life in future what she will do? It is general that every parent will curse and talk all bad about the fiancees if you won't listen to them.
This doesn't mean that they won't like your marriage or the relations. What ever happen is happened don't always think of the same and spoil your wondeful life.
2006-08-03 04:49:01 · answer #5 · answered by Sarath M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing you can do! I hate my mother in law.
Your parents did not accept her from the beginning. That's why she disliked them from the beginning.
The damage is done. Your marriage will be safe the day your parent are out of the way.
That's how i feel in my marriage.
Good luck and don't stop trying. Maybe you will succeed one day>
2006-08-03 04:46:23 · answer #6 · answered by natasha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your her wife should forget pastimes. And spend your life as a boy treat to girl friend.
2006-08-03 04:40:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋