Should I give my husband another chance, my family tell me its wrong, they do not like him, i love him?

Question

He goes into rages and shouts me down, he has never hit me but does frighten me as my previous marriage was very violent.

my husband does love me very much but has a lot of old issues he finds hard to deal with. Most of the time he gets these rages when he has had a lot to drink. We have no children living at home they are all grown up.

Answer 1

I think before you do allow him back into your home and heart you need to sit him down and suggest he has some counselling for his anger, if he gets cross and says no then walk away because if he isn't prepared to do this not only for himself but for you then he ain't the guy you hoped he was, we all have issues that drag us down but its not fair ranting at others either through drink or violence and if theses rants of his are allowed to continue then the violence could be his next step, ask him to please see the situation your in too and that all you want is for him to be able to live his life without the issues he has holding not just him but both of you back, good luck.

Answer 2

He needs to go for counselling, both of you actually. Emotional abuse has more permanent impact. The danger of you staying now is you'll never walk away even if he gets more abusive, because he'll have damaged your ego and feeling of self-worth, you'll start thinking you're so horrible and he's such a great guy for putting up with you. However if you walk away when you truly love him and believe he could be a better man, you might always wish you'd tried hard. So, try telling him how you feel, when both of you are in a good mood, and suggest an anger management course. Don't point fingers or accuse, coz he'll only be defensive. He probably has no idea what he does wrong anyway! People with problems don't usually see it. If he generally makes you happy, the marriage is worth saving, and don't forget your vows!

Answer 3

You must tell ur husband how his aggresive behaviour is frightening you and put the ball in his court to do something about his anger issues. Through personal experience ive seen how anger management sessions can completely turn a person around , a few years ago my brother was losing the plot and was unable to control his anger and he ruined te relationship he was in at the time and hit rock bottom. Although he never hit his partner she blamed his anger rages for the split and vowed that it was over and he could rot for all she cared, However a year later my brother has turned his life around in the main due to the anger management sessions tha he has been attending , his partner has taken him back and they are due to get married early next year .
Sounds like a bit of yarn but i tell no lies ,what im saying is ur husband obviously has issues that he needs to deal with before you can think about taking him back into ur life .If he isnt willing to respect himself and sort his own problems out how do u expect him to give u the respect deserve ?
Good luck with everything i hope your strong enough to make the right desision and i hope ur family respect what ever u decied x

Answer 4

I personally think you should, does he love you ? A marriage should be given every chance to progress, all avenues explored, unless of course it has taken all the possible courses it can. Are there children involved ? This to me is a major factor in deciding which way to go, children deserve every consideration as a natural part of their upbringing includes an reliable background from which to develop. However, in the end only you two can make the choice.

Answer 5

There is this one great truth in life. ..

We cannot change anyone except ourselves.

Therefore, If you are staying based on him "seeing the light" before he knocks yours out, You are deceiving yourself and are most likely helping to embed this behavior deeper into your husband.

My suggestion, for what it is worth, is separate and start going through the motions of starting a new life without him. Tell him up front that you do love him but his actions speak so loudly, you can't hear a thing he is saying.

There is only one person that can save this marriage and it is not you. Don't carry the weight of a decision that isn't yours to decide. Give it to him and get out of there. Before you go back, put him through as much of a test as he has put you through.

Answer 6

I don't know why some women couldn't put their foot down and stand up for their self, darling relationship doesn't work that way, you are in a relationship that your partner doesn't respect you and I don't think you deserve to be be littled, any women doesn't deserve to be treated like a property or an object!!!! So as a woman we should and you should stand up for yourself.... I know you think you love him that's why you are confused by asking this question, your family sees what you do not see because you think you love him, how can you love him when he is treating you like this???? there are four kinds of abuse, physical,mental,emotional and financial abuse and you might not know that you are emotionally and mentally abuse by your partner, darling wake up please....you deserve something better not just better but best, what you are feeling is not love but ego, thinking that someday he will change, but darling NO NO NO you can not change him and if you let him treat you that way he will never ever change. I know how much you care of your relationship but its not worthed.

Answer 7

You need to sit down with your husband when he is calm and tell him that you are not happy with his behaviour. He must go and see a councillor if he wants to continue being married to you as it is unacceptable for you to live in fear of him.

Your family are just concerned for you, rightly especially as they have seen this happen before in your previous marriage. If he doesn't improve within a certain time frame (give to yourself) ie 3 months then I think you should move on.

Good luck

Answer 8

I agree with most on here, Shouting you down and belittling you is the start of the slippery slope. If you feel you will be able to get out if you give him a chance and it fails go for it , I you feel he may keep you in a situation where you can't get out or have no where to run to don't do it don't get trapped.

Good Luck.

Answer 9

In marriege counselling, they advice you people in it not to tell everything that goes on in your bedroom to outsiders, so if you are happy with whatever nosense he throws in your face so why do you bring it out to your family? Definitely you expect them to react the way they are doing right? So if you love him and like what he does, then keep everything to yourself and continue with your marriage since it is between two people, when you get fade up, then you will leave at your own free will so that you dont blem anyone in future.

Answer 10

NO - if he has already started on the slippery slope of shouting you down - it will only lead one way.

Having said that don't prejudge your relationship on the experiences that you had in a previous relationship. Sometimes we are waiting for the worst to happen that we almost will it to happen.

Answer 11

Emotional abuse is just as harmful, if not more so, than physical abuse. Bruises and broken bones heal, but words cut straight through to the soul. I would suggest to him that the two of you go to counseling. If he's not up for that, then you need to get out before things turn violent...and they will.