How do you beat your husband?

Question

The title is merely a play on words. I don’t literally want to "beat" my husband although the thought of it sometimes puts a smile on my face.
Lets get to my problem. My husband is a very smart man who has been raised by a lawyer. He, himself also wants to be a lawyer. Here's the relevance: he has been taught all of his life to play with other people's words and efficiently turn blame without much notice. We have been married for 2 years, have been seeing a counselor, but no matter how hard we try, we still are up to our old habits. By no means am I saying that I am perfect and my problem becomes very apparent when he and I get into an argument. I break down with raging anger. I don’t throw or hit or anything, but my anger gets so overwhelming that because of it, I lose all self control, cursing along while I spit irrelevant and illogical points. This does not help me, makes me look stupid, and he gains even more control of the situation. How do I control my anger? How do I "beat" him without folding into giving him the silent treatment?

Answer 1

My mother always told me that if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all!! :)

I had to do premarital counseling with my fiance, and one good thing I've learned is the "walk away". You don't just get up and walk away, because that's wrong. You say "Honey, I can feel myself getting angry, and I don't want to lose my temper and say something I might regret. If you don't mind, I'm going to walk away for a little bit, and we can talk about this when I'm calm".

It really, actually works. You're not cursing at him, but you're also not slamming a door in his face. You both end up getting a time-out, a chance to cool down. You can also try this "Honey, you said that I never clean the kitchen, and I feel hurt by that because I do clean the kitchen, and often." You're not blaming him--directly--for anything, and you're not yelling. You're also expressing how you feel in a calm, unhurtful manner.

It takes work and practice to break old arguing habits. Keep at it!!

Answer 2

I would love to tell you how good it feels to see a man finally beating a women at her own game. But of course I can't hold it against you because women have been out thinking men for centuries.

It is really unfortunate that it comes down to who wins. After losing the majority of debates because he's so candid with words, I'm surprised you haven't pulled out your old box of "koodles". You know when a man's ego is low, he has to show whose the boss so he puts his foot down. A smart woman would cheer him on, even if he's wrong. Little do he know things will end up the way "you persuade".

Use the same tactics, next time keep your cool, here him out, then toss him a few "koodles" and pat him on the head for being so intelligent, and then "persuade the situation". Nobodies better at this than women. If you don't know how, ask mom or grandma how to "persuade". It's a women's intellect.

He'll win the battle, he may even win the war, but it will be done under your command!

Answer 3

discretion is the better part of valour in this situation, make your point and then leave it dont engage in any further disscusion on the subject you are arguing about, he will soon get the message, also the counsellor does not seem to be working, dont try the silent treatment that is childish make your point and leave it, good luk hun

Answer 4

i agree with the other answers, silence,
it will get you nowhere, (or exactly where he wants you)
IF you both engage in verbal p---ing contests,,silence,
IF he suggests something even if you do not agree, say,your'e probably right,
you are probably right- and say no more,do not give him power over you, to get you into your "werewolf state"
I AM KIDDING but i think you know what i mean,

Let h im own the anger as they say, give it to him,, and he can have a miserable time dealing with the silence,,
good luck,

Answer 5

what seems to piss my smart *** husband off is when i agree with everything he says to me. if he says your wrong i will say yep your right and eventually he gets fed up and shuts up leaves me alone and im not upset and angry its called transfer of emotions you should try it, its fun

Answer 6

i'm a know it all too, and good with words. there is only one defense. silence


silence will eventually break him and make him say something stupid....

if you want to win........ just shut up stupid....lol

Answer 7

With a bat!

Answer 8

a good defrmce is silence in this matter. my opion ?

Answer 9

sex can be an answer... lol