How to make a new start after a divorce?

Question

My husband divorced me, while I still dearly loved him. Now that I have to retunrn to my home country, I have to start a new life from a scratch. Most important, I have to sort out my soul, my thoughts, as for it is a total disaster - everything inside is a total mess, heart is broken in thousand pieces.

Back home, I will have to find a new job, rent a place, re-build my relationships with friends and mother.

And also, how do I learn to trust men again?

I am totally, totally broken down - any advices?

Answer 1

Good for you. It's so good you are looking for solutions.

I am sorry about your divorce. I believe your sincerity when you say you are totally broken down.


As another answerer noted, please now that what you are feeling has been felt by many of us. You are not alone in being disabled by heartache.

You seem to be sincerely asking for help, so I'll give you "more information" than most people are looking for - because I sense these issues are extremely important to you and you want to find hope and light at the end of the tunnel.

Sadly, there are so many good women like you who have given and given to the men they love, only to be abandoned unfairly.

Regardless if anything further happens between the two of you, for your mental health and peace of mind, it will likely be good for you to treat him well and work toward reconciliation - regardless of whether he evers treats you better.

I can sympathize with your statements of heartache and loss of something you feel cannot be replaced. You attached to him in ways more complex and deep than most people will give you credit.

Here are some recommendations I have lived by personally. I have lost important loves in the past, and that lost still bothers me on a daily basis. So I don't know if these are "answers", but they have worked the best for me of all the options I have tried.

When you feel you have been betrayed or abandoned, consider these ideas:

1) Just because the person you love hates you or doesn't acknowledge you, that does not mean your love for them is still not real and good.

2) If you are in love with someone who has abandoned you or hides their love for you, the answer is NOT necessarily to try to stop loving them or to deny you still care for them.- no matter how much you perceive a) their absence or b) their misconceptions and misrepresentations of you - hurt you.

3) You will be tempted to be angry and to hate back at them, but consider never stopping loving them.

INSTEAD: To the degree you perceive the people you love have not shown you fair love in return, work to reach out and show love TO OTHERS. There are so many people who will benefit from your intelligent, loving actions. If you look consistently and carefully, you will find people who reciprocate in new, equal, and unique ways. Make your work to "find & share love" an artform.

You asked: How do I regain trust in men? Start by NOT looking to find ONE man to trust COMPLETELY. Don't jump back in the deep end. Try to build trust over time with different men, to the degree the time spent and trust built warrants.

I wish you happiness. If you feel trapped in a cycle, feeling you have lost your one true love or soulmate, consider this: Just as there is probably not one answer to solve all of your questions, there probably is not just one person to meet all your interests.

To twist the Rolling Stones - You can't always get what you want, but if you try new and different things, you just might find other people to meet your different needs.

One final suggestion - With the inner circle of friends and family that still supports you - debate the ideas discussed above and see if they have even better suggestions for you.

I'm sorry for your loss. Sincerely sorry. You may not be able to persuade him to change - that may be beyond your control. But you can choose whether you will love always.

Answer 2

I am going thought the same thing as u . but i have a 6 yrs old son. I have a good talk with him after the divorce. & i know that it is time for me to let go.

no point holding on to someone that no longer love u.

honestly, my heart is broken into thousand pieces too. even til now. but i believe my heart will heal in time.

let work hard together

Answer 3

all men arent like him you truley have my simpithy on this matter as well .i went throught this back in.200. divorced her it was doing the same think good luck and god bless. my opion ?