What would you do in the situation below? Views from both men and women would make this interesting.?

Question

John is 40 and is married. He is not unhappy. He met Mary who is 20. They share a lot of common interests. They spend a lot of time together and seem happy together. Mary is single and has other normal dates. John feels that he is falling for Mary. But at the same time, feels that it is not the right thing to do. Mary has not shown any more interest than the usual friendship. What should John do?

Answer 1

Is it easy to sustain happiness in a marriage? Considering the duration of marriage, is it realistic to expect one to promise the other happiness till death? It isn't. Happiness comes and goes throughout life and we are not the dictators of its presence. Marriage is really not about happiness, but the mutual decision of two persons who choose to spend the rest of their lives accompanying each other through the inconsistent tides of happinesses and unhappinesses that is inevitably found in the course of every human life. Therefore marriage is only about commitment with love as its driving force. And since real love does include pain, married people should not buckle when unhappiness arises or if the marriage is suddenly devoid of romance. Instead they should look to their lifelong companion for clarity on the unhappiness. The less they do this, the more they drift and the more they get lost. It is possibe to retain strong healthy friendships so long as they are remain healthy and wholesome. If an attraction with another occurs, it is an indication that something in the marriage is demanding attention.

John's intiution is guiding him and protecting him from untold damage he might inflict to the things he hold dear, such as his wife and what he has built up over the years with her. John needs to do 2 things:

1. Look at his marriage and try to contemplate what was it about his spouse that first ignited his passion. He should attempt to revive the uniqueness of his wife. To say that he is 'not unhappy' is not synonomous with saying that he is happy.

2. Once that is done, he need not terminate his relationship with Mary, but for all parties concerned, redefine it. She could be seen as a 'good' friend. No longer talk of 'falling in love' or any related activity. He should not find himself spending more time with Mary than with his wife.

If he finds the prospect of doing the above uninviting, then he should be cautioned that to go with his impulse, is to do a grave disservice and irreparable damage to all parties concerned especially himself.

Answer 2

Like you've said, Mary has not shown any more interest than the usual friendship, so??? isn't it obvious? She's not interested in starting a relationship with John. He should just remain friends with Mary, that's all , and brush away any other thoughts.
A 20 year age gap could possibly make him old enough to be her father! Stop day dreaming and ask him to stay faithful to his wife.
Hm..something tells me this "John" is you.

Answer 3

John 'thinks' he's falling for Mary, but really he is thrilled at the idea that a younger woman can be friend with him. Everything new is interesting at first. What John needs to do is focus on his wife that he married to. If there is nothing wrong with his marriage then he shouldn't make any hasty decisions based on the "thrill". Put all that emotions and energy into making his wife feel like she is the Queen she's suppose to be.

Answer 4

Mary 's thinking of him as a fatherly figure but john is rejuvenated by the company of youth and start wondering more than what 's possible. It 's a midlife crisis that does not bode well for either party, john should start waking up from his fantasy, at this stage nothing is out of track as yet but if he were to continued, he has alot more to lose than mary after all, time and opportunities is no longer at his side anymore.

Answer 5

The usual friendship??? Are you kidding? HA! That's a laugh. What kind of "friendship" does a 20 year old KID have with a man who could easily be her father. Gimmie a break.

"Falling for Mary" DOUBLE HA! What this guy wants is obvious.

What I don't understand is why this is such a mystery to you. This is typical male mid-life crisis crapp. Happens every day. All that this will lead to is an affair, & probably a divorce.

The stupid girl need to stop hanging around with "daddy" and go develop a life with people her own age. "Daddy" needs to find his cahones and tell his wife he wants counciling, or a divorce.

Answer 6

if john doesnt want to make things complicated, i guess he can just go out with mary and spend time with her. dont tell her how he is feeling and blah blah blah. but at the same time john should do something to look for the something thats missing in his marriage.

if he wants to complicated things and sticky and tricky and messy. confess to mary and see the reaction. she either accepts and play along or leave and go. if she accepts and play along. things will be dramatic.

so at the end of the day, see what john likes.

Answer 7

John should stay with his wife that he married and make her
happy so they can be happy together instead of John being happy with Mary whom he didn't marry.

Answer 8

why does john even need to ask this question? he knows what he needs to do. he made a vow and a LIFETIME commitment to his wife. he needs to not see mary, nor have ANY contact with her ever again, regardless of the fact if mary shows interest or not. perhaps john is going through a mid-life crisis? i don't know. but he needs to stay faithful and loving to his wife and never put himself in that type of situation again.

Answer 9

John is a flirt, should tell him go down to "GEYLANG", don't waste his time on Mary. Mary should leave him out and go for other dates. I'll can tell you should Mary lost her body to John, he definitely run away or ignore Mary. So, Mary is always the loser.

Answer 10

John's correct: falling for Mary is wrong. He should start working on his marriage. Pronto.