What can I say to father who sent a birthdaycard but no gift to his only child & is disabled.?

Question

Hear rarely hears from his father and hasn't seen him in years. He's always telling him he loves him but has never supported him. Son was disappointed, then hurt set in and now he's pissed at him and he will not speak to him.

Its the child that is mentally disabled. His father left to live another life, tells tall tales and seductive with words.

Answer 1

There's a lot going on here. This is only part of the story.

I've gotta tell you something -- I hope to hell the son has the gall to shut up and say nothing to his father until the cold old fart is in his coffin.

If the son can gut it out and stay away from his cruel, poison dad for the rest of his father's life, it will REALLY help him grow up and become better than his father.

If they make up or see each other periodically, those are superb situations for the father to hypnotise the son into following his fatherly path.

So I'm rooting for a feud to the death.

Answer 2

I really do believe it is the thought that does count. There are many fathers/mothers out there that don't even send a card, so this means, at least, the father is thinking of your son and has not forgotten him. Sometimes it may be the circumstances that prevent a father/mother to not be able to send a gift. I know that I had never received a gift OR a card sometimes, growing up, from my mother, (only maybe once in a few years), but my father used to at times also, so I knew they didn't forget about me and still loved me, in their own way. I don't have any hard feelings towards either for not being able to, but am thankful they thought of me and didn't forget me. By the way, tell your son to love his dad, because I wasn't raised by either parents and my real father passed away and I am glad I told him I loved him. He didn't have the means to be able send me gifts because he was an alcoholic but I knew he loved me.

Answer 3

Well i can see that there is real let down for the son.
I went thru something similar, for most of my life with my father in Canada, and me in California, my father never sent child support, or money or even one gift,
I met my father a couple times, and he said he loved me, and his wife would send Christmas cards, and she would sign their name, and one day i had enough and called her and told her not to bother, if my dad could't or wouldn't even take time to write me a lettter himself, he could not be very interested, in me.. and to stop sending Christmas cards, and i won't bother them again,,
and his wife said no you are mistaken,, i hung up..

that was that for two years and then i got notice that my father died,
i was sad, angry confused, felt cheated etc,, it took me over a year before i wrote his wife and gave my condolences,,

AND THEN, SHE WROTE ME BACK..
and the letter she wrote me, touched my heart, and changed my life,
THE LETTER SHE WROTE ME, told me about my father and his wife said i was wrong, and my dad did love me, he could do nothing more than what he did for many reasons . she told me he married her, raised her two children as his o wn, and they adored him, she said my father was a good man and she was sorry to scold me but i needed to hear this,
And then when i really read the letter a long one she told me that my father was a simple man ,, a good man, he never earned large amounts of money, and he could not travel across the globe to "find me" AND THAT HE MADE AN AGREEMENT WITH THE DIVORCE TO LET THINGS ALONE, and my grandparents took me from Canada to California,
SHE TOLD ME MY FATHER ALWAYS TALKED OF ME, BUT HE COULD DO NO MORE THAN THAT, AND I JUST HAD EXPECTATIONS, AND NEEDED TO GROW UP..
I want to say that i saw her point, i have gotten to know my father thru his wife, we are very close, i call her mom, i talk too her every sunday, and i know now that just because someone does not do the things that you think they should, re matters of the heart, it does not mean that there is an absence of love,
I learned that, because my father 1.. didn't do this,

2. didn't do that
3. and if he really
cared, he would of?

i am sorry i was childish, and pouted for so many years,
i am sorry my father had to pass before i realized what is really important, he and my mother gave me the gift of life,
my father was loved and adored, and respected so much by his step kids, and his wife and they are really great people.. and i know now my father was a good man, and owed me nothing, ZERO ZILCH,,
I hope what i shared with you can help you look at things differently,, i know not , if your father is a good loving man or not,,
he probably is.

SOME PEOPLE CAN ONLY LOVE IN THE WAY THEY CAN LOVE, AND IF they don't have any more inside to give, that is all they have to give,, it is still a connection and love.
Money and gifts, do not guarantee love, they guarantee the person who sent them could buy them, that is all.
I suggest you search deep inside, and try to accept the relationship with the father son, for what i t is, and be greatful, and just love the heck out of him, with no expectations, and you will truly lift up the father and both will be lifted up.. and the relationship can take on another precious meaningfull experience.
i hope they make up, and do not expect something that your father is not able to give, in order to feel loved,
quality time, respect, be content, and gracious, and i bet it will bring all concerned even closer, and Pray, God has a way of helping if you invite him
good luck.. ,

Answer 4

Well...I am 20 and I have had 3 heart surgeries and my father hasn't done crap for me basically my whole life! I am his only child also. He even use to beat me, but as u get older and wiser you realize who is there for you as you get older. I hardly even talk to my father because of this. Just let your son make his own decision when it comes to his father. He wont do anything but turn against him as he gets older and become more fond to u...his mother! Who has been there for him. Just talk to him and let him know its not his fault, he just has an idiot for a father!

Answer 5

well his father sounds like a jerk. Take your son to get something nice so he will get his mind off of it. Don't call him or have him interact with him anymore. The father brought on himself. Make your son happy and leave the father out of it. Because he keeps raining on his parade.

Answer 6

I don't think that you would have to say much, it is pretty obvious that your son isn't saying it for the both of you. I hope that his father sees this as a wake up call. God bless you and your son.

Answer 7

Who is disabled/ and what does that have to do with it?
Just say Thank You, what a lovely thought, and leave it alone,
tell the kid not everyone is perfect and his father is proof, but
imply that he is working on it. Ya think?

Answer 8

Have a talk with this man and tell him how his son feels, thats so sad.

Answer 9

he need's to make it up and spend a day/week/weekend with him

Answer 10

Isn't it the thought that counts!