What to do with a baby that wont sleep anywhere but in my arms?

Question

Three week old baby will sleep for up to 4 hours at a time, but only if I am holding her. As soon as I put her down, she screams. We've let it go for 5-10 minutes thinking she'd cry herself to sleep, but she does't.

Answer 1

Hold her.

Answer 2

Hold her. :) Seriously, it will pass. Look at it from her point of view, she's still pretty fresh from being in a warm, cozy, noisy, small, mobile place 24 hours a day for 9 months or so. Letting a newborn cry it out is a very bad idea. It will only teach her that she can not count on you when she needs you, and it causes her stress hormones to go up and several other bad effects to happen insider her little body. "Crying is very bad for infants because it decreases lung capacity, increases intracranial pressure, reestablishes some fetal circulatory patterns and starts stress reactions within the body" (See the crying page in sources). It's a myth that should have died LONG AGO.

During the night, try cosleeping with your arm around her, especially if you are nursing, this will enable you both to get more rest as you just lay on your side and let her nurse while you doze off. Remember to have baby only next to you, not between you and dad or any other kids. Do not put blankets or sheets on, under or over her, and do not put a pillow near her or under her. During the day, invest in a good sling and 'wear' her as much as she likes. That way she can get her fill and will soon be itching for something else. The more secure you make her, the more confident she will become in not being in your arms constantly.

Another thing to try is an Amby bed, it has a slight incline, so feels more like being in arms, is a bit like a hammock so conforms to their body giving them that cocoon feel, and moves in every direction whenever they move, again, mimicking how they felt inside mom.

She may honestly have a physical problem, as well. Does she wake up if you put her asleep and then place her in a bouncy seat? If she stays asleep in something in that kind of upright position she may have a reflux problem that you'll need to speak with her Dr. about. Make sure her tommy is full whenever you lay her down, and remember that if she is nursing, she may wake for a feeding after only 2 or 3 hours.

P.S. You can NOT spoil a baby!!! To even think that someone not old enough to feed themself, control their bladder or even talk is old enough to manipulate is ridiculous.

Answer 3

Have you tried putting her to sleep in her swing? The rocking/swinging motion will more than likely put her to sleep and keep her sleeping for a while.

Contrary to what other people have said (Just hold her.) sometimes you just CAN'T walk around holding her constantly. Things have to be done that can't be done with a newborn in your arms.

You could also try swaddling her. That makes some babies feel warm and comforted (similar to being in the womb).

Answer 4

Your baby is still so young. She needs as much physical contact and comfort from you at this point. You are doing a good job bonding this way. I did this with my babies too. Just enjoy them while they are tiny and can fit into your arms. They grow so fast. She will get more independent with her sleep and needs that reassurance that you are there with her. It makes her more secure and relaxed. Babies need to associate relaxation and comfort in order to feel a secure attatchment. Don't let her cry herself asleep. Babies that cry long release a stress hormone called cortisol and it still sticks around even after they stopped crying. She will get used to sleeping longer as she gets older. Because she is 3 weeks old, she needs to nurse every couple of hours. I used a baby sling and it really helps you get alot done while keeping your baby close to you. Congradulations and relax. Check out the baby sling below.

Answer 5

She is not capable of putting herself to sleep on her own until she is 3-4 months old. Don't let her scream, that is mean. Don't hold her either. Swaddle her and lay her on her side and gently pat her back and shush rhythmically until she falls asleep. Will take a while, but you are teaching her HOW to fall asleep, don't use yourself as a prop, babies must be taught how to sleep, this is not instinctive. Good luck, be consistent, DO NOT HOLD HER!

Answer 6

at 3 weeks old she is too little to cry herself to sleep. She doesn't understand the concept. My daughter was similar she needed to feel "held" to sleep worth a darn. What worked for us was swaddling her tight (she hated to be swaddled but once you got it done she settled right down), also she would sleep well on a boppy cuz it kinda "hugged" her. So when she was tiny we just put her in the boppy and she would sleep longer.

Now you will get people who freak out as you shouldn't have anything near your baby when they are sleeping. But desperate times calls for desperate measures and mommy running on NO sleep is desperate times! lol

Besides as a newborn they can't roll or anything yet so it isn't all that "unsafe". Just my honest opinion.

Hope I helped! Good luck getting some sleep!

Answer 7

Have you tried the baby wrap when you are feeding her and holding her; or rocking her to sleep? Babies that young like the warmth of the womb; and you can achieve that by wrapping them tight in a receiving blanket. Crossing their arms over and wrapping them tight; they show you how in the hospital, at least where I live. That might help a whole lot. Also, they love the sucking motion, perhaps a soother? She should be comfortable at that age to go to sleep on her own. Especially if she is warm, and perhaps sucking??

Answer 8

swaddle her....get a receiving blanket (about the size of one yard of baby flannel two sided, very easy to make) fold the top corner down about 8" place her head on the part you folded down. Next, put her arm (one or the other) down to her side, let's say the right arm. Pull the blanket over her right arm as tight as you can (snug, you might think it makes it hard for them to breathe, but babies love this) and tuck it under her body, so essentially you've wrapped one side of the blanket around her body and tucked her little arm down to her side. next, pull the part down by her feet up to the middle...if it's too long you can fold it so it doesn't cover her face. after that, tuck her left arm to her side and do the same with the left side of the blanket, pull it over her and tuck it behind her back. at this point in time, she will in deed look like a little burrito...that is okay!!! you should see her face, nothing else. I learned this from the nurses in the NICU when my baby boy was in there for 3 weeks. They love the tight close feeling. that is what they are used to in the womb. If you aren't able to figure out the whole wrap thing...it is worth the brief embarrassment to go to the hospital to the nursery, and ask the nurse to show you how to do the tight wrap that they do. I used this after we took my little guy home, and he slept like this probably till he was about 6 months old, when he learned to wiggle out. My family all thought I was crazy when they saw me do it every single night, but they have also said since that they have never seen a baby that slept as well as he did. I don't know what your parenting style is, but you might also try a binki...my kids both liked the MAM ones....you can get them at Wal-Mart. If you don't believe in binkis, that's fine too...but the burrito wrap is a must! Best wishes...nothing like a tired mommy and tired baby... :( If you have any other questions you can feel free to ask me...email to [e-mail]

Answer 9

This will sound strange but it could be that your not holding her enough when she is awake. Babies that are held more often tend to cry less when you put them down. Its natural for them to be close to your body. Try one of those things that goes over your shoulder so you can clean and still hold her. Mothers body is the only one that will actually cool down and heat up based on a babies needs. Thats why they recommend chest to chest and skin to skin. Breast feeding without a shirt on gives you bonding. It also also they baby to be held so she feels closer to you.

Answer 10

i think you just have to brave it and just keep trying. she'll have to learn sometime.
believe me, i've seen toddlers that have gotten so used to sleeping someones arms that even at age 1 or 2, then have to sleep on someone lap and kept there until the child is in really deep sleep. imagine holding a 2 year old for a couple of hours every night. i think that'll be torture.

Answer 11

She just loves you! You're her mama and she knows it! One of my sons was like that because of colic. I used a sling a great deal with him because his tummy felt better against me. I occasionally just tied him to me in a sheet because it gave him the pressure he needed on his tummy while freeing up my hands for life. Five to ten minutes is not long enough to cry yourself to sleep and just doesn't work for babies that young. It especially doesn't work for colicky babies it just irritates the whole system. My son did like his swing though and would occasionally sleep in there especially if I wrapped him up firmly with an extra blanket around the tummy for support. We called him our burrito boy. It all ended after he was able to roll himself onto his tummy for sleep at night. It was a long 5 months though waiting for that moment! Make sure you have people in to take turns holding her so that you don't get too over tired. I often successfully slept with my babies at the breast at night when they were really young like that and it kept me well rested and them content. They are all fantastic sleepers now!

Of course you should encourage her to lay down by herself for awhile each day but do it gradually. You're her mother and will eventually figure out when it's real distress (colic is painful) or just willful desire for you. Try not to display too much anxiety over the whole thing--she'll sense it. Make sure other adults aren't putting too much pressure on you to make her "behave". Not sleeping in the regimented manner as an infant does not mean she's going to be a spoiled child.