2006-08-02 17:01:47 · 13 answers · asked by dreamer67 1 in Games & Recreation ➔ Hobbies & Crafts
a guy and a blonde r sittin watchin the 6 o clock news and the guy says "i bet u 20 bucks that the guy on tv jumpes off the building" and the blonde says ok..so theyre watchin the news and sure enough the guy jumps off..and the blonde says "ooo man u won" so the guy gives in and says "i cant lie i knew the guy was gonna jump i saw it on the 5 o clock news" and the blonde says "ya i saw on the 5 o clock news too i just didnt think he'd jump again"
2006-08-02 17:06:20 · answer #1 · answered by sunfire_prinzes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I THINK EVERYONE IS GOING TO LIKE IT
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring the customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my testicles."
With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says..."You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"
2006-08-03 01:37:09 · answer #2 · answered by arturo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees are a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So's the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table, reading
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to go shopping. Love you!"
He goes to the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.
Marty asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 a.m., drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you yelled, 'Lady, leave me alone, I'm a married man'!"
2006-08-03 00:07:02 · answer #3 · answered by GreenEyedLilo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a Labrador Retriever.
I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her no, and that I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in the Intensive Care Unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. Since the food is nutritionally complete and perfectly healthy, I decided to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, just hanging on my every word, particularly a tall, black guy who was behind the woman I was describing the diet to.
Horrified, she asked if ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no, and went on to explain that I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.
I thought the black guy was going to need assistance as he staggered to the door, laughing uproariously.
2006-08-03 00:14:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Donald Rumsfeld briefed the President this morning.
He told Bush that 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq.
To everyone's amazement, all of the color ran from Bush's face.
Then he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken, almost whimpering.
Finally, he composed himself and asked Rumsfeld,
"Just exactly how many is a brazillion?"
2006-08-03 00:07:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
John Kerry
2006-08-03 00:07:56 · answer #6 · answered by pigpen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's a funny one,
Women's Rights.
2006-08-03 12:20:46 · answer #7 · answered by Hawlass 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off.
2006-08-03 00:07:49 · answer #8 · answered by Miss Kitae 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why couldn't the 12 year old boy see the Pirate movie????????? Because It was rated 'ARR' (which means It was Rated R
2006-08-03 00:07:42 · answer #9 · answered by Killer Racer X 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ya momma is so dumb that when she was going to disney land the sign said disney land left and she turned around and drove back home
2006-08-03 00:06:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋