I've been married for 5 months. All I think about is how I miss casual sex. What is wrong with me!?

Question

And yes, my marriage is troubled. We are separated at the time. I need to decide if I should fight and go on or if I'm hopeless.

Ok, here's more info. I met him online and married him within 6 weeks. I obviously didn't do this the right way. Just need to know if it's worth trying to work out.

Answer 1

not sure if I can explain it... with casual sex there is a certain feeling of the unknown, of never quite knowing exactly what to expect from your partner that makes the sex exciting. You will have that even through the dating period. However, once married, if the couple is not careful, they get into a rut and sex becomes the same old-same old. However, if the couple cares about each other, they can make it exciting again. Plan a date, make reservations at a hotel for the night, get a sexy nightgown.... marriage is work, it just does not happen, good sex in a marriage just not happen either... both parties have to work at it. Try something new... make the sex exciting.

However, after reading your blog, it sounds as if you have already made the decision to throw in the towel. It is always easier to quit than to fight. There must have been something about the man that you liked or you would not have gotten married in the first place. You really might want to consider counseling if all of your relationships have been like this one.

Answer 2

I doubt there is anything wrong with you. Certainly not your wanting great sex!! In fact I applaud your honesty. I think it puts you way ahead of people who pretend that everything is ok – when it’s not! So you’ve admitted that sex is important to you and that your marriage is troubled. That is a very good start.

I don’t know enough about what’s wrong with your marriage to know if it can be fixed, but here are a couple things you may want to consider before you give up on it.

According to the sex therapist who wrote my favorite book about sex "How to Make Love to the Same Person for the Rest of Your Life and Still Love It" sexual problems shortly after marriage are very common, and they can usually be overcome so that married couples can have better sex with each other than they have ever had before.

The book explains many things like why couples often become sexually serious, inhibited, and boring after they marry, and why one partner often withdraws sexually. The book also tells you what to do about it, so that both partners can have the best sex they’ve ever had. You’ll have to do some things that may feel awkward – just reading the book won’t do it – but I think you’ll find that it is totally worth it!

(The book is out of print, but you can find a used copy online if you're interested. I recommend it highly, even if some of it is a bit dated. Most of it is really, really helpful!)

If you can afford to, I also suggest you see a good sex and/or relationship therapist together, or even alone. Ask friends for recommendations. Audition at least three, first on the phone, then if they pass, talk to them in person. A good therapist can be VERY helpful. A bad one can be worse than useless. Follow your intuition.

I know an excellent relationship therapist in San Diego.

Good luck.

Answer 3

You didn't give yourself enough time for either of you to really get to know each other. I like the suggestion that you date your husband for a while. You two really need to decide if there is anything lasting here. Don't rule out friendship, it can be great! Role playing could help with the casual sex issue (unless your husband is entirely against the idea).
I would say that you made the committment, so you need to deal with your marriage and mature in a hurry. On the other hand, I too got married in a very short time to someone and it didn't work either, but it also got abusive, I couldn't stay. It sounds like you do have a choice, so why not give it a try? Marriage doesn't have to end spicy sex. I never understood why it does for so many. There are so many things you can enjoy with your husband that maybe you wouldn't try with a stranger, just because you know him and can trust him (well, I'm hoping, you know him well enough to be able to trust him).
Good luck with that. My advice would be, if you don't make it, wait longer next time. That is my one biggest regret with my marriage. :0( I didn't give myself time to know what kind of man I was involved with.

Answer 4

Just decide which of the two is more important to you and give up the other. Don't look back after that. Casual sex is full of intensity but empty of meaning. Marriage to the right person is full of everything done together and empty of loneliness. So you might want to rethink your idea of marriage and love before you get too old.

Answer 5

I don't believe that there is anything wrong with you. Its probably because you are a point in your life that you have to make a serious decision. Wanting to have casual sex after you've done it for probably a long time is going to have to get used to. Being married is a serious commitment and under your circumstance is probaly hard to do. If it were me i would talk to my husband about the situation before i react or make any decisions that i might regret in the future

Answer 6

If you have only been married for 5 months and are already separated there are obvious troubles. Perhaps you rushed into it or neither of you are ready for such a committment. Talk to a counselor. There are some obvious issues you both need to work through, whether your marriage prevails or not.

Answer 7

You knew precisely what he became like at an identical time as you have been relationship, so basically you already comprehend what style of previous he had. In a fashion he's solid on the subject of the previous, you already knew what it became like. You married him and it's time to go on on your married life and go away the previous in the back of. that's merely organic to no longer have faith some one you already comprehend issues approximately. If he has accomplished some ingredient because you have been married, then being unhappy and a loss of have faith is likewise a organic feeling. that's unhappy once you marry some one this is merely no longer them that's a factor of that marriage it incorporates each and every ingredient else. You marry the comprehensive kit and each and all of the messes that compliment it. till he proves you may no longer have faith him you may desire to enable pass of his previous.

Answer 8

Yes you made a mistake by getting married to someone you only knew 6 weeks.. this was not smart and neither is casual sex.. Try and work things out with your husband.. Separation may work.. try dating your husband and have casual sex with him

Answer 9

I'd say that the best thing is to call it quits and end the marriage... 5 months is a very short time to have it fall apart, but also it shows it is never gonna work...

Go back to just casual sex... ;)

Answer 10

hold up-wait a min.5 mths and u're already separated?What's wrong w/ this pic?So im guessin dat 4 u,casual sex is not the same as gettin it on w/ the husband,heh? I thought sex was sex.Anywayz,seek a marriage couselor's help.cuz u both need it ASAP.What's wrong w/ u is what u need 2 find out.