What is the best way to get your husband to open up and talk?

Question

My husband is a very talkitive person! He will talk about cars, computers, the price of gas, the war in Iraq, and especially the weather! What I want to know is how I get him to talk to me about himself and our marriage! How do I get him to express his feelings to me instead of keeping it all to himself?
Help?

He used to express his feelings to me openly in the beginning, but now I can't even get him to tell me if he has a headache!

Answer 1

Let me be totaly honest. Talk to him while having slow intimate sex. Not when you are getting down and dirty. You know that slow grind thing. He will tell you anything you want to know. Sex is when a man is most connected with a woman. Thats how men show they care for a woman. It is also when he is at his most vulnerable emotionally. I know it sounds strange but my wife told me that is when I open up to her the most. She is right.

Answer 2

I would suggest that you let him know how important it is to express how he feels in order for you to have a good solid relationship. I think many times people think that if they talk about how they feel and lay there feelings out on the line, that it only benefits the other person, but they need to be aware that it benefits them as well. Let him know that by opening up to you, he will gain a lot of the things he needs...like a trusting wife, and a relationship that is healthy.

You might take into consideration that he might have some trust issues. I am not judging you or assuming there is a problem, but it wouldn't hurt to ask him if there is something you have done that has made him feel he can't trust you...or perhaps something someone before you betrayed his trust. Maybe you could ask him if there is anything you can do that will make him feel more comfortable in the relationship? I would definitely not push the issue as he might feel smothered and pressured to open up when he isn't ready. (Not that you are doing that..I haven't a clue).Some people including my own husband actually seem to open up the most when you give them all of the space they need...it's like they feel so respected that they "want" to open up.

Good luck to you...I have been in your shoes and found I had to step back and give my husband his space, and then he began to open up more.

Answer 3

Simply tell him in a nice way that when two people actually love each other, there is a time when they should talk about things to get it off their chest and then walk away and allow him to think about what you have said. Yo have to remember that you have to listen very carefully to what he says and wait a minute or two so you can understand it before you actually respond back. Realize also you may not want to really know what is bothering him because it may end up being a shock and even if it is you never raise your voice, yell, scream or start an argument that will create hate and resentment. You absorb it, walk away and seriously think about what was just said. We all tend to lose our cool at the wrong time, making things worse than they really are. And yes, in general most men do not talk about their feelings because we were never taught how to do that at least in a calm rational way. In fact some times we just simply do not know how to explain things.

Answer 4

First off, this is very common. Men generally find talking about things such as their relationship and their feelings very difficult. Part of it may be because sometimes, when us women talk to our men about our relationship, it is to critisize them and tell them what we think they should be doing and what they could do better. This makes me feel defensive. Also, women are just different than men in that they like to talk things through and look at them from every angle, while men tend to just want to make a decision and then take action.
The best way to get your man to open up to you is to be the same loving, compimentary woman you were when you first fell in love with him. Accept him for who he is and don't try to change him. Hug him and kiss him and openly express your love for him. Treat him the way you treat a man that you're deeply in love with. Have sex with him like it's the best thing in the world. And when he does talk to you about his feelings or your relationship or anything other than the "normal" things he talks about, praise him and kiss him and make him feel like the best husband in the world, no matter how small a step he takes.
I know it's hard. I've been married 18 years and have gone through the same thing. But these steps worked for me. Good luck

Answer 5

It is an older book - but you should read "Women Are From Venus - Men are From Mars." Men simply do not like to talk about feelings,. It is no reflection on you or his love for you, His brain simply works in a different way, Remember - opposites attract. Don't try to force him to be what he can't. If he treats you with dignity and listens to you 50% of the time , you are far ahead of most women. Don't over analyze things.

Answer 6

Sometimes getting them to talk about their relationship is like pulling teeth - I know from personal experience with my own it took me YEARS to get him to open up - If you are a ****** then that will only push him deeper into a shell - If you only try to talk about the issues you have when you are angry or heated that doesn't work either - I've have tried and been very successful at getting my hubby to deal with our issues but talking to him when we are happy with one another and not irritated - also write him a letter and let him absorb what you are saying - Also don't bombard him with more than one issue at a time they can't handle that either - we as women have a lot going through our minds at one time and can process it all men however lack the ability to do that - try going a whole week without bringing up any of your issues - get on his good side and bring them to him gently and don't talk to him like a child THEY HATE THAT! We as women confused the heck out of men because God made us so wonderfully complex it tends to frustrate them alot - My guess is that he loves you dearly but doesn't know how to talk about you guys issues because he doesn't handle multiple issues well and sometimes they just don't know how to fix the problems - tell him you love him often and tell him you understand he can only handle one thing at a time and mean it by only bringing one issue at a time. Hope this helps

Answer 7

Men r hard pressed 2 talk bout things like who won the superbowl,that chick over there is hot & whatnot.But when it comes 2 their feelings,it's like the cat's got their tongue.No 1 said it'll b easy. Men aren't as sensitive as we are. They tend 2 express their feelings in other wayz in other things.Either give him sum space or broach the subject in a gentle manner(way). Maybe talk bout old times,like maybe how freaky u got @ ur in-laws's basement 2 christmases ago.Dat could put a smile on his face and maybe give way 2 sum convo.

Answer 8

well dear i have the same problem and i have come to the conclusion that in order to get a man to open up and talk he either has to be gay or you could always threated to cut one of his nuts off!! that should at least get him to scream lol but seriosly if you figure out how to get him to plz let me know i've been married for 6 years and my husband will talk the same as yours as long as we stay on silly subjects hes cool but the moment i bring up the important stuff "oh look at the time i need to go to bed" is all i get out of him.

GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 9

Get a copy of Gary Chapman's "The Five Love Languages" either the men's or ladie's edition. Not only is it something to talk about, but it should be read by every couple. Wish I had read it 20-years ago, it could have saved my marriage. :-)

Answer 10

I honestly would like to know that myself. Mine has no trouble talking about how much the guys at work complain about their job, how hot it is, ect. When it comes to us just talking it seems he would much rather talk about other things. I have written him a few notes over the years and that seems to do the trick for a while because sometimes it is much easier to write down your feelings than actuall saying it out loud.
I often send him a love letter in his emails. He enjoys that.

Answer 11

A good question. I don't know. I find it easy to talk about many things but very difficult to talk to my wife about our marriage. I guess I feel that anything I say will be misconstrued or something so silence is golden.