Honesty? How does it work?

Question

I used to always be the type of person that never spoke up or who wouldn't say anything when something was wrong or not. But it's been a while since many of my friends have pointed out, that it would do me alot good to be more outspoken for my ownself. They're right. It's helped me feel more in control in some levels. The thing is it seems impossible sometimes. It's like if I were to say something, they'd go ballistic, mad or simply a little negative reaction. With some people, depending on situations, it's fine. With others, it feels like I have to dis-adjust. I don't see why. I'm not too direct and I still keep alot of things to myself. But it feels like being honest creates arguments & misunderstandings. I can't deal with that. I don't like being mad or seeing my friends angry...It makes me feel all bad inside. I'm not the type of person to hold a grudge either. All I want from this honesty thing is for both people to be happy, under the compromises we'd make. So how does it work?

It's not a question about low self-esteem or not. I just don't like being too upfront to people. Plus, it takes alot of things to get me mad. I rarely get mad. And, usually I can settle for anything because nothing bothers me too much.

Answer 1

I'm the same way. In high school, I wouldn't give my opinion for fear of being ridiculed. Through that, I've learned...who cares! I can give my opinion. Sometimes people disagree with me and that's ok...however, there are some people out there immature enough (the people you described and yes, some of my friends too) to actually argue with you or say ugh...whatever.

I don't always give my full opinion to them, because sometimes I just don't want to get into an argument...for whatever reason...tired...or just not in the mood! lol However, if it's something I fell VERY strongly about...they'll hear...whether it makes them mad or not! :)

Also, inform them that if they don't want to know what you think...then don't ask :)

Answer 2

I am a VERY honest person. And I have learned many things about how it all works, the hard way, of course. Being honest is a generally good thing. It usually means you are good at telling the truth. BUT part of that is knowing how to tell that truth. Its a way of twisting your words so that people hear the positive things. On the flip side of being honest, I am a VERY good liar. I'm great a both which is not that unusual. If you can be frank with a person, you can usually use that to your advantage by telling the truth or by lying. Its like when my sister and I go shopping. She really likes a shirt and I can tell by the look on her face what she WANTS me to say. And since a shirt thats a little less flattering, I say that "its looks okay. but why dont' you try one more like this"..Its a way of bending the truth. You have to know that compromises dont' make anyone happy and in the end, you just have to be true to yourself. Good luck!! I hope this helps and that I didn't completely lose you in my ramblings.

Answer 3

Honesty is the best policy always.
However, your advice, although an "honest opinion" is in the end, just an opinion. Everyone has an opinion, so the value of an opinion will vary with respect to it's rendering.
If your opinion is solicited you have the option of sharing or declining. There's nothing implicated in either course.
Truth is relative. The truth is absolute. In all human relationships it's helpful to be able to discern the difference.
Keeping your conversation to a minimum is okay. If you feel comfortable not talking too much, and confident in yourself, then that's all that matters.
Don't allow someone else's perspective of you to overly influence your own perspective of yourself.
Maybe you're a good listener. There's nothing wrong with that.

Answer 4

Your friends are right - you do need to speak up for yourself when it comes to correcting someone who has the wrong impression about you or may mistake your kindness for weakness, however the fact of the matter is people say they want you to tell them the truth but most people can't handle true honesty when it comes to correction or something that they perceive as being negative about them and such honesty sparks anger in them - you just need to learn how discern when it is a good time to speak and when not to speak and you can learn how to do that by learning the personalities of other people - if you are dealing with a person who is normally calm natured they can usually handle constructive criticism well - if you are dealing with a person that is normally a ticking time bomb you may want to refrain from constructive criticism even if they ask for it just state that you would rather not answer or tell them honestly you don't know how to answer without upsetting them and if they still want an answer after that - give it to them raw and don't worry about their reaction because they asked you to tell them - TO BE FORETOLD IS TO BE FOREWARNED!

Answer 5

If you uncomplicate the situation and stick to the facts not the blaming or condeming, you are entitled to your opinion as much as anyone else is. What other people say and do is really none of your business, but we feel like telling someone the truth about themselves or situations will hurt them. When in actuality, you are giving them an opportunity to see things from another perspective. If someone gets angry then tell them that they are entitled to thier opinion as well. Thank them for giving you the opportuntiy to overcome the challenge of relationships in order for you to learn more about life. Good for you, people will walk all over you if you never say anything. Be careful about being cruel.

Answer 6

if someone asks you your opinion... give it to them and don't feel bad about their blow ups when they asked you for your opinion in the first place. I prefer honest friends hands down every single time... that's how I know who my friends are and that they care about me. You can also agree to just disagree on certain topics and qualify it by saying "that's my opinion and you don't have to share it". You don't owe anyone an explanation for believing or seeing things the way you see them... now if it causes blow ups especially when you are the calm one then something is definitely wrong with the person that's blowing up.. Don't take their negativity into you and this at least will help you decipher who is friend and who is foe...

Answer 7

Always tell the truth but don't volunteer information that you think might be hurtful or harsh to otehrs, just be considerate of them and put yourself in their shoes.

If you're not going to like hearing something from someone, then chances are, they're not going to like it either.

But overall, honesty goes hand in hand with consideration for yourself and others. For example don't call anyone an idiot just because think they're idiotic or stupid but don't lie either and hide it. Either keep your opinion to yourself unless you HAVE to let it be known.

I hope this helps.

Answer 8

nooo its never the best policy if someone told you you looked terrible but were quote being honest anyone would be offended i dont think its the best way to work lies are good as long as theyre not big lies think about what you would like to hear when someone asks you something but if the person really does want to know the truth then yes you tell them the truth and its their responsibility to be able to take it in

Answer 9

there aren't any guarantees how the person will react....some get mad because it's the truth what you say...i know what you mean though i'm STILL learning how to speak up and not being afraid of the reaction i'll get...but you really need to take that chance ....keep growing! and good luck..

Answer 10

D@mn, you do have extremely low self-esteem.
I really do feel sorry for you.