people who have or had depression, how did/do you feel?

Question

I've read about it, met people with it, but i need to know what it's really like because i don't know any of you so you can tell me just about anything, my friends hold it in. please only answer if you've been diagnosed with it (before).

Answer 1

First of all, there's different flavors. I had MDD (Major Depressive Disorder). So that means depressive episodes that last months at a time untreated (and it did go awhile untreated :(). Other people have disthymia, which is feeling not AS bad, but ALL the time (as opposed to just during a months-long episode). And, the really lucky ones get BOTH.

For awhile, I was usually just really sad all the time. I'd usually find things that I thought were the reason (this was before treatment). And also, REALLY friggin' tired all the time. I'd have all this deep, profound sadness, but I was literally unable to cry. I still don't really know what that was about. I suggest reading some Samuel Taylor Coleridge ("Dejection" described it pretty well, if I remember). Most of the time, it was either REALLY sad (usually in my room at night) or else just numb. Nothing. And I'm not entirely sure which was worse. I also used to feel literally physically cold for no reason. And it was obnoxious, because sometimes certain things would help, and other times they wouldn't. Like, I used to write, but then sometimes that just made things worse. And I remember one time I was out with friends, but I was pretty much just slumped in a semi-fetal position in the backseat staring out the window. Usually, though, being out with friends was good.

Each episode typically gets worse and worse until people seek treatment. The one that got me to go in saw me crying randomly throughout the day (which was really new) often for no reason. Not even something that COULD be a reason. Just...BAM. Eventually, I actually noticed I couldn't eat like I usually did. And I'd know I SHOULD be eating, so sometimes I tried but it just made me feel really sick. And, in college, instead of being tired all the time I actually had the freedom to be sleeping all the time. Crazy trouble actually falling asleep at night, but once I'm down I would be down for around 16 hours. I'd alternate between that, and the numb (and cold; they usually went together), and this new...other thing. Like, I new I was way behind in my classes, so i'd start getting an anxiety thing in class, which I resolved (deliberately at first) be absorbing that tension and just kind of twitching my arm. Later, it became a more reflexive action to stress. Possibly related to the anxiety bit, I would alternate between flipping out and getting all kinds of scared and hopeless about my grades etc. and then just not caring. And I definitely started being all anti-social, in part because I had this weird fear of breaking down crying in the middle of the union or something. There's also an irrational ...need to "protect" your friends from it. You don't want to be that person that needs sympathy or whatever, and you definitely don't want people to think you're just doing X for the attention.

Regrettably, as much as you wouldn't really expect it, just having "depression" really doesn't tell you how it manifests and how that feels. Different people get different parts. HOpe some of this was helpful despite that, though. (and sorry if parts were...weird; it was all very weird to me too)

Answer 2

I have severe major depression that I have been struggling with for about four years. I take medication for it and have had to have it adjusted several times. I've been in therapy since last spring and with all that, I still don't feel much different than when I started out.

It is a little easier to get out of bed everyday but I seldom leave the house. Depression makes me feel tired all the time. My energy is gone and my body hurts almost constantly. It's hard to stay focused a lot of the time. I used to love to read and paint but I don't do much of either anymore. I know there are a million things that I need to do just around my house but making myself do them is difficult. The kids help out a lot but then I have the guilt because I feel like they shouldn't do half the things they do.

It feels like it's a viscious cycle that I don't know how to stop. Sometimes I think I know how to do it but my concentration is so poor now that it all slips away from me.

I can put on a mask and show you what a fun and witty person I am but underneath all I feel is dark and fake and I hate myself for the lie I've told you.

I think about dying a lot and how much better off everyone would be without me. The only thing that stops me is the fact that I have children at home still that I am responsible for.

If you want to ask about anything, please feel free to contact me and I will do the best that I can to answer any question you may have.

Answer 3

You feel alone even around people sometimes. You cry for no reason at all. Sometimes you wonder why your even alive what's the difference, no one cares. Everyone wants something from you but doesn't really care about you or how you feel or what you want. Sometimes you wished you could just go to sleep and not wake up. And then you have your good days too. I have been through child abuse, marital abuse, raised a severely disabled child, been through 3 marriages and they always went out on me making me feel less of a woman much less a person. Somewhat like that i think everyone is a little different. Then their the physical problems too. Hope I was able to enlighten you some, if not feel free to ask further more specific questions:-)

Answer 4

Not diagnosed, but close to someone who has been.

It's a case of the blues that won't go away. There are things that you know you should be happy about, but you don't really feel happy. Sometimes it's just feeling bland - not good or bad.

This is really a personal subject. Some people have a mild case and others can swing from being ok to being suicidal very rapidly. It can last for weeks or months.

The best thing you can do for your friend is to occasionally let them know you care and are there to talk whenever they need you.

Answer 5

I was diagnosed as clinically depressed.

I felt like a dark fog surrounded me. Nothing held my intersted because I was too consumed with my feelings of despair and frustration.

I spoke little and participated badly in family affairs, prefering to drink a lot (but not to drunkeness)

I noticed that these feelings occured in the winter months. What if i suffered from Seasonal Affectiveness Disorder?

I did two things.

First, i started an exercise program. At the very least, I would stop looking like a big blob

And I would get out in the sun.

I also looked at what was depressing me and decided to drop those wants and needs that caused my depression.

For me, it worked.

I still get depressed, but it is not as deep and doesn't last as long.

Answer 6

I feel tired all the time. Can't get enough sleep. No energy and not wanting to do the things that I normally do. Feel sad and lost most of the time. Feel like my life is on pause. Now I am on an anti-depressant and I fell a little bit better. Hope that helps. But everyones symstoms are different.

Answer 7

You feel tired, unhappy, sometimes quite miserable, and nothing you can do or say or even buy can make you feel better. You lose interest in things that you love to do, and you just don't want to do anything. It's hard to explain. You can also get irritable and grouchy with yourself and people around you. It's quite emotional... Your appetite can change, sleeping habits change.. sometimes all you want to do is lay down and go to sleep so maybe you feel better the next day. Unfortunately, it's not something you can control..... thanks for the introspection.... was diagnosed 3 years ago when hubby left with the military on deployment for 21 months.. Am still struggling with it sometimes...

Answer 8

It's so much pain. You feel so lonely and empty inside. You don't think anyone cares about you. You think you'd be much better dead because you find no meaning in your life. You don't think you have a reason for being here. You feel very misunderstood. You feel like no one is listening. No one really "gets" you. You try to explain, but everyone just doesn't seem to really understand. You just want someone to be there for you. It's the worst feeling. You don't want to participate in life anymore. You don't even want to come outside. When you wake up every morning it's like "damn, why'd I have to wake up today?" It's so hard to do anything, cause you feel like "what's the point?" You're reaching out for someone, but no one's there. You want to be heard, but no one is listening. You can be in a room full of people, but feel so alone. You might put up a front, fake a smile and a laugh, so no one knows how bad you're hurting. You just feel like you're searching for some completion. Anything, that would heal you. It's very painful. Believe me, I know.

Answer 9

Hey...I am sure that you have felt it in your life. For me it is like a really bad mood, cranky , irritable, unmotivated, sleepy and sad. Wrap it up with a pretty little black bow and there you have it. It sucks...I truly thank God for advances in medicine that allow that icky dark cloud to leave. The weirdiest thing is that I was THE happiest kid and teen and young adult you would have ever met. THEN...postpartum depression hit me. I have come to terms that it is totally OK if I take meds for the rest of my life. I am grateful for the option. I am so saddened by the generations of people who had NOTHING. We are so lucky to live in a day when there is really no need to suffer.

Although I say that I am o.k. with being on meds....nobody knows I take them besides my parents, hub, doc, and pharmacist. Oh yeah...and you guys......LOL!

Answer 10

Eight years ago I was diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety, and homicidal tendencies. When I began suspecting people of undermining me at my job, questioning my boyfriend about what he was doing every minute of the day, stalking him when he wasn't with me, and eventually destroying property of a girl I had seen him with, and shooting at him, I knew I needed help.

Fortunately, insurance coverage through my employer allowed me to consult a psychologist, who referred me to a psychiatrist. After consultation, I was placed on medication that alleviated my distress. I continued on the medication for three years, attending many sessions with those who were sufferring from depression and anxiety. I am not on any medication now, and have not experienced any of the "feelings" I previously had. Could I suffer those "feelings" again? Yes.

My youngest daughter was hospitalized six years ago for depression, released, and has had experienced no episodes since. Her symptoms were constant sadness, hopelessness, and loss of control over life's circumstances. Could she experience those symptoms again? Yes.

My mother lost her husband of 60 years five years ago and her youngest child, my brother, two years ago. I would have been back in psychiatric care; but, my mother carries on. She is the support of her remaining three children, sixteen grandchildren, five great-grandchildren, and one great-great granchild. The human spirit can prevail!