I used to love you like whoa.
But I just cant handle it anymore.
You treat me like ****.
Uhhh I’m so tired of it.
I should be treated like a queen.
I bet you don’t even kno that my eyes aren’t green.
I guess you’re not the man I thought.
Maybe that is why we fought.
Man I made a huge mistake.
I didn’t kno my heart would break.
Well I guess I really don’t love you like whoa.
So now I wont have to handle YOU anymore.
its not too good i made it up a long time ago. i was just wondering if i have any talent whats so ever... so yeah 1-10 please!
2006-08-02 14:51:30 · 23 answers · asked by KJ 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Other - Entertainment
Out of 1-10 i would give u ten million that was the best poem in the world heck u beat shakespeare. It olmost made me want to cry it was great.
2006-08-02 14:59:12 · answer #1 · answered by hottie#1 1 · 4⤊ 2⤋
Just the fact that you made an attempt to express your feelings in a poem rates a 5. I actually like the "whoa" because it expresses a strong personal feeling with a unique word. Add 2 points for that. The queen/green is a bit confusing and I can only presume that somebody in the past thought your eyes were green...or maybe you were having trouble finding a word match with queen. It closes out ok with the reassertion of the first line. Add a point there. You've got a 8 in my book. If you're going to tackle poems again, remember to use those words that you use often and are unique to just you...like "whoa".
2006-08-02 22:14:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
6
2006-08-02 21:58:14 · answer #3 · answered by a guy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
on a scale of 1 -10 its a 7 it has a lot of heart but poems are not all about rhyming if you feel something write those words not just ones that rhyme with the previous stanza that's what expressing your creativity is about what you truly feel the over all idea is great its just how it was written that kind of takes away from that angry idea
2006-08-02 22:03:43 · answer #4 · answered by greenluxi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your rhyme is too tight.
What makes poetry great is it creates an image for the reader using an analogy or a comparison that is original.
Take your sadness and hatred for this person that broke your heart and make me feel your pain. Don't tell me your heart is broken show me that your heart is broken.
2006-08-02 22:03:24 · answer #5 · answered by Honest and fair 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say about a 6, but personally, the next time you write a poem, you should say how you fell in a powerful, yet nicer way.
2006-08-02 21:55:50 · answer #6 · answered by dreamer456 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
7. I like most of it.. I would get rid of the whoas
2006-08-02 21:55:44 · answer #7 · answered by running2adream 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it. You should bring it to a beat.
Leave in the whoa, its a nice hook.
6.5
2006-08-02 22:05:34 · answer #8 · answered by murkglider 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
4. It does sound like it could be song lyrics though...but a poem? I don't know. It needs to be a little more refined in my opinion.
2006-08-02 22:00:06 · answer #9 · answered by skillet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like it but not keen on the whoa............but good stuff!!!!!!
6 no maybe 7
2006-08-02 23:23:19 · answer #10 · answered by Hmmm....... 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋