the monster-in-law... what to do now??

Question

Ok, so i've been with my guy for almost 9 yrs. been engaged for 4 yrs, i'm still in school, 2 hours away from him, we don't have our own place together (i have a place at school, and he helps with the family business so has the upstairs of his 'rents house to himself (where i used to stay on weekends). i got into to it with my future monster-in-law b/c i haven't been helping to keep her house clean (i go to school yr round, i am studying to be a dr., i don't want to go to a dr. that didn't study, so i do study, and i go home for 2 days a weekend), am i supposed to be the maid? she said some REALLY mean things to me that i will never forget, i've never had someone be so mean to me. she screamed, i said "i'm sorry you feel that way" (i know i added fuel to the fire!), but he didn't stand up for me when it comes down to it. i am ready to end this long, first love, relationship, 75% of the reason due to his mom, 20% b/c of his friend (long story), and 5% b/c of him... suggestions??

he said that he attempted to talk to her about what happened, but didn't tell me that he did until a couple of weeks later, and the only thing that he will say about the conversation is that she doesn't want to talk about it. i am trying to let her hang herself, but she is one of those people that aren't happy unless there is drama that she knows about in her life. She has attacked all of her kids significant others, maybe it was just my turn, but i know i don't want to have to deal with this for the rest of my life. and worse yet, he wants to build a house 2 miles away from his parents.not my idea of paradise.(i like my dads advise. move 500 miles from the inlaws and 1000 from your own parents!) knowing that i can never forgive her, and hearing her say that she hopes i never marry her son or reproduce with him really hurt. but i am also thinking about the what if i break it all off, i want him to be happy, will he find someone, b/c we had some good years, its just been getting worse

Answer 1

Believe me, I have my share of monster in law stories! But for now let me just share with you....my husband and I also had a very long relationship before we got married. There were many a times when he failed to stick up for me to his mother, mainly because he didn't realize how much it bothered me and that "yes" I wanted him to step in. Sit down with him, and calmly explain to him just how important it is that he "stands by his girl" to whoever, even if its dear old mom. Your relationship is going to have more than one instance of your needing his back up honey. Unfortunately that is just the way life is, so if you plan on growing together as a couple, I suggest you make this a good lesson for the both of you and prove to his mother that her son will have other women in his life. Maybe that is why she freaked out on you! She wants the main woman in her son's life to pamper and baby him. But he isn't a baby anymore, and standing up for you will prove just that! Good luck!

Answer 2

You shouldn't end a relationship because of his mom or his friend. He was in the wrong though not to defend you. You don't even live with him so why should you be expected to clean the place? I think you did the right thing by being calm and telling her you're sorry that's how she feels. You need to figure out if you love this man enough to want to make it work.

Answer 3

girl tell him how you feel and tell her its not like your there all week to make a mess so you will only clean what mess you make and not everyone elses because you aren't a maid also focus on school cuz that will help you in life not being someone elses maid that wont help you get a head

Answer 4

you'd blame his mom for 75% of it? what are you thinking?...he's the one NOT standing up for you...he's the one NOT stepping in when he should...I'd be giving him the 75% and his mom the 20%...if you give her anything at all...He's the one letting his mom treat you the way she is...his fault!..