My son married a girl that is a total control freak, she tells my son when he can bring our grandbaby to our house,how long they can stay, and refusses to let his family keep the baby at all. This has caused a lot of friction between our son and the his family. He SAYS he has tried talking to her about it, but can get nowhere with her.She will not come to our home at all anymore. My grandbaby is almost 7 months old, she will leave the baby with HER 15 year old brother but refuses to let any member of my sons family keep the baby. Like I said this has caused a lot of argueing , not to mention the heartache of not being able to spend quilty time with our only grandbaby.We have gone through this for months now and I myself am now sure how much more I can take of this, I have cried myself to sleep at night over this matter. Whats a grandmother to do. I feel as if I have done everyting but bend over backwards and kissed her *** over this problem!!
2006-08-02 14:38:01 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It sounds to me like you are going through almost exactly what my parents went through and to some extent are still going through with my brother and his wife. It is easy to be cruel and mean and it takes alot of work to be nice and loveable. It should be the other way around. When my brother married her, she had only met my parents once. I always wondered why , soon enough I found out. She was in to her family, noone else mattered to her. She was selfish and unloving. When they had a child it had gotten to the point my mother spent many sleepless nights over it because she was not allowed to see her grandchild and was only allowed to hold him one time in 5 years. My father on the other hand slept well, because he would later verbalize his pain in many letters he sent pleading with my brother although the stress was heavy for him. Finally one day my brother admitted to my parents that he was on the verge of getting a divorce. At first my parents were happy, but they saw the pain my brother was going through, because although she was a witch he adored her and loved her, they had been married for 14 years. My parents were there for him, they met with some men who belonged to the congregation they attended and asked them to help him and my parents. Although there was heated discussions my parents realized that it was their son that was more of a problem than their daughter in law. Some sore things had been said in the past and she never let them die and neither did my parents, and my brother was stuck in the middle of it all. He felt unloved , unwanted and unneeded. He also felt that noone had ever showed him despite all his attempts they were proud of him and he felt so much pressure coming from everywhere. My parents did not want him to leave her, they realized that he was in Love with her and they encouraged him to stay. My brother somewhere along the way realized that he can have both worlds and make it work and instead of fighting with her, her was going to haft to put his foot down and make a attempt to take the lead in having a good relationship with my parents. Time is what you need and also a apology or two even if you feel you did no harm. THose granchildren are your legacy. THey are important and so is their mother. Dont bend over backwards, just let your son know that you are there for him and that it can work as all of you being a family despite hard feelings. Invite them all to meet in a public spot and talk and cry. It will feel akward but you cant have something with your grandchild without trying to have a relationship with the mother. Talk to him and then try to involve her. You have already wasted many sleepless nights in worry and sick I am sure. Remember that the mother does have a say so and you want to start a relationship with her at any cost to see your grandchild and dont just make it about the baby. Just try it. It cant be any worse than it already is. Id like to know how it ends.
2006-08-02 15:00:33 · answer #1 · answered by c g 3 · 10⤊ 1⤋
grandmother you have some issues and I can tell you don't particularly like this gal, but you have to deal with her for at least eighteen more years. Does your son pay child support, do you guys sit around and get wasted? Does she have verifiable reasons for the baby not coming over? Have you volunteered to watch the baby? Go buy a car seat and and show her how much you wish you could see the baby. Tell her no matter what happens between her and your son the baby will always be a part of you life. Tell her you would like to be her Friend, ask her if there is anything you can do to help her. Speak to her yourself, calmly and lovingly. Who has custody of this child? Sometimes buttering people up is all they need to see things your way. Sometimes you really have to smile when you don't want to. Sometimes control freaks need to think it is their idea when in reality you planted it there. Offer to help with diapers, food, clothes..ect..See if that helps.
2006-08-02 21:47:44 · answer #2 · answered by mommymom 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really don't have an answer but, I'm someone who has two children who wishes her husbands family was more involved with my children. They don't want to be bothered by my daughters who are 10 years and 9 months old. They only live 45 mins. away and both are remarried and more interested in the current wifes family or in his moms case the new puppy they just got. I can't understand your DIL's thinking, unless she is jealous of your relationship with your son and thinks you will try to be "mom" to the baby. Are you close with her parents where you could maybe mention you would like to spend more time with the baby? or maybe you could suggest a day out with your DIL and the baby. maybe shopping or dinner just the two of you with the baby and you can talk about how you feel? I wish you good luck.
2006-08-02 21:50:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anna Z 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can always explain that if you don't start being able to see your grandchild that you will apply for your grandparents rights through the court system but first I would find out what the problem is and why she feels that the baby shouldn't be left with her husbands family and may be she should get some counseling to deal with her issues. But in all honesty your son needs to get some balls and stand up to his wife instead of "talking" to her and giving in to her.
2006-08-02 21:43:26 · answer #4 · answered by cynfrog 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can enforce your grandparents rights in order to see your grandchild. This will mean taking them to court and it may cause problems for your son however he shouldn't be letting her walk all over him. Personally I wouldn't want to see her face if it were me but I would want to see my grandbaby. But then I would go to his house and see my grandchild whether she liked it or not. You have a right to see your grandchild. You really should talk to a family law attorney. In most states grandparents rights are enforced. Make sure you get to see your grandbaby and don't let her stop you. Good Luck.
2006-08-02 21:47:34 · answer #5 · answered by Medical and Business Information 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you personally tried talking with her? Maybe there is an under laying something there which worries her?...Lets face it..it's easier to trust our own blood than even our spouses...although I wouldn't trust ANYONE but my sister along with my mom with any of my kids when they were younger...but then I was molested when I was young..(I don't usually talk about that, but with this..you never know, it might help)....don't let it hurt your feelings..try not to take it personally...at least until your given a reason to take it personal....like I said..there maybe something deeper that you have no idea about...good luck!
2006-08-02 21:48:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's up to your son. He is a big wussy who is letting his wife walk all over him. He has as much right to take the baby to his family as she has. You need to set him straight.
2006-08-02 21:41:21 · answer #7 · answered by notyou311 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
take them to court and take the baby away from her. document everything that goes on so you can have proof of some kind of abuse from the mother.
2006-08-02 21:41:24 · answer #8 · answered by ziggunerin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is not your problem you need to stop blaming her for what your SON is letting happen to you he is the one you need to go at, you do not want ot blame him so you go for her. you both play the victim very well .
2006-08-02 21:43:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
did you know you can go to court and get grandparents visitation rights..look into it
2006-08-02 21:42:27 · answer #10 · answered by Lucinda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋