What do you think? Husband asked me a question?!?

Question

My husband asked me one morning on his way to work, "Please clean the house." I was taken back by this statement because that is what I do when he is gone anyway, why did he need to say that. It's like saying do your job today. I figure that you don't have to remind me, you don't have to say remember to breath, you just do. I stated this to him and he responded, "Well, it's the same as you saying work overtime this week please." I said "That is different, I am stating a fact, we need more money to pay the morgage payment, how else do I say it." I could understand him saying "clean the house", if I never cleaned it but when I questioned him he said I have been cleaning the house just fine he couldn't see any problem. I said, "Then why did you say it?" He said, "It's the same as you saying work overtime." I clearly disagree, what do you think?
He is not aware of the finacial situation in our house. I do the bills, he says he wants it this way because he would just get overly stressed.

Just a curious question, we love eachother and were over the whole thing the moment we stopped talking about it. We just wondered what everyone else'e view would be.
P.S. I have stated I would get a job, but with 2 children he wants me to stay home.
It all just seemed very insulting, asking to clean means that I don't do it or I don't do it right, asking to work overtime is stating that we have a need that you don't know about so I am letting you know.

Answer 1

He was just trying to make you feel how he does when you ask him to work a few more hours. My husband does this type of thing alot, he takes a remark I think is harmless or small talk and takes it personally. Then he says something slightly rude or mean out of his own hurt. I have to remind myself to give him more credit in his own desire to do what's best for our family. You may want to consider watching someone's child for pay for a couple hours a week, or working a mother's morning out at a church one morning a week (your kids can go to). Or transcription work from home. Approach him with this and he may take more hours voluntarily or will appreciate your desire to help out and stay home at the same time. That way you are telling him that you want him to be able to have more time at home with you and the kids and also be able to pay the mortage.

Answer 2

I'm not married, but change the way you stated the question. Men do'nt like to take orders like that from women. Not that he is abusive or controling it's just an ego thing if you know what I mean. Sometimes we as women tend to be harsh when we should be tender. Not that you are harsh but that's the way he see it. It's a wonderful thing that you can stay home with the kids if that's your agreement, but this is the price that comes with it. Just keep asking if you should go get a job. When the bills are due sit together and let him see the bills so he can decided how he wants to solve the issue of not having enough even if your the one managing the money. Hope this helps. Again I'm not married so I dont know better.

Answer 3

He was obviously trying to get you to see that he doesn't like to be told to work overtime.You seem to have jumped to the conclusion that he thinks the house looks messy.lWhat if he jumps to the conclusion that you are cheating and this is why he should work overtime?Sit him down and don't let him leave until he understands what the bill problems are for the month.Add up how much extra you need for the bills and tell him the amount needed,My parents do it this way.Work out a system,let him know it's not personal(just a household need),and things should work out great.If he doesn't want you to work then he must make up the difference to justify the decision.He may not realize the reality of how much or little he makes compared to what is going out in bills.Good luck.

Answer 4

It is an unusual statement on his part. Perhaps he's feeling the stress of working the extra hours. I imagine you don't have it easy at home either, taking care of the two kids and the household work. It's a lot of stress all the way around. Maybe you could get a relative to watch the kids for a weekend so you two could be alone together once in a while. Good luck.

Answer 5

I really think you should get off of his case. Firstly, I would advise him about your financial situation before it gets completely out of control. You have a been responsibility taking care of the children it is tiring and takes 150% of you when you got 100, buy seriously, he is responsible for all of the bills, food, two children, ;you, house, come on THAT IS STRESS. I can understand him wanting the house in order cauz his brain is frazzeled. He sounds like a decent guy, if thats all he complains about.. Look I have been supporting a guy and let me tell ya its horrible, I'm about to crack and disappear. Its alot of stress. Have patience and remember why you got married and had children with the man. Forget it, that is the least of your problems cleaning the house, not telling him about the bills, thats not fair, and you should maybe try and help by babysitting or something.

Answer 6

I'm sorry to say well why don't you find a job , so your financial situation will get better , as for your hubby asking you in that way
well yes he should of said in a nicer way but remember he does bring home the bacon, and I know that you do your best at home but maybe he meant it in a just get a job way , look I am married I work full time so does my husband and if I get home early I start to clean and he helps me with dinner , and it is a team thing ...

Answer 7

Sounds like you've got a passive-aggressive husband. Look at your "P.S."...did you 2 really get over it, or just drop it? He's retreating, and you're still fuming.

I wonder how often this pattern is repeated in other areas? Maybe if his comment offended you, you could use the classic "I feel.......about......because" method of communicating feelings instead of lashing back (even a minor comeback has a deeper seated emotion behind it). Keeping it on yourself in that manner gives him a safe way to analyze if he really legitimately hurt you and respond.

In any event, it's a communication pattern which will only get worse over time, leaving the 2 of you to assume what the other is thinking/feeling. He needs to stand up for himself and you need to be not so quick to judge, and the communication between you 2 would improve dramatically.

Answer 8

You're obviously not over it and you want to find someone to agree with you. At that point, you're probably going to confront your husband with it again and try to be "right."

I actually agree with him if I'm getting the story right. You nag him to pull more overtime because you want more money. He believes he works hard and you don't think he works hard enough. So he "dished out" a little to see if you could take it. And you can't!

Listen, he knows just as well as you do that more money would be great. It goes without saying. So stop saying it.

Answer 9

Maybe he should have said you needed to clean the house longer that day, because it wasn't enough. Basiclly, that is what he said because you asking him to work overtime might make him feel like he isn't doing enough already. Just like you were offended when he made his statement. Sounds like you need to share info. regarding the budget etc. as to why he needs to work overtime. If he doesn't want to know all the details then just give him a brief summary.

Answer 10

It could very well have been his intention to get you to realize you don't have to ask him to do his job by asking him to take over time. I'm willing to bet that he knows your financial situation even if you do the bills. My husband does the bills, but I still know whats going on with our finances. Since there is love there, it might have been his way of telling you that it offends him when you ask him to work overtime. I can understand your being offended as well... Glad you worked it out. There are far to many divorces these days!