My husband is addicted to porn. I know that it is not a reflection on me, but it still hurts. When I confront him about it he lies like he thinks I'm an idiot & acts out in anger. Why does he act like this? How can I help him get away from the porn?
2006-08-02 14:02:36 · 18 answers · asked by CDK 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What do you say to him when you ask him about it? Is he getting enough sex from you? Will you not watch them with him? Who knows, maybe he is just addicted to it but it depends on the way he is being approached as to why he gets defensive about it.
2006-08-02 14:07:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sweetie, I know you asked for married men only to answer this, but I cannot help myself after reading some of the responses already posted. Do NOT listen to ANYONE who tells you that he is acting this way as a result of not getting enough sex or of you failing him in any way. Do NOT listen to ANYONE who tells you it's not a big deal and you should just live with it/let him "have his fun". BS!!! I was in your shoes for the past five years and am now divorced...because my husband ignored my pleas to get help, lied to my face over and over (just like you said...treating me like I was an idiot/nuts), and acted out in extreme anger. I put up with it and loved him and forgave him...in spite of all the hurt and betrayal he put me through. Well, he took it to the next level and started having an affair that lasted six months before I found out about it. Long story short of what I have learned through all of this: you cannot control anyone. Do not fall into the trap of thinking you can do anything that will indirectly manipulate a change in his behavior. He has to embrace on his own that he has a severe problem, get help through counseling and support outside of his relationship with you, and then commit himself to total fidelity. This is extremely difficult for sexual addicts. I would give anything to go back now and take a major stand with my husband back the very first time I realized he was secretly looking at porn. I would have separated immediately. I will never take that off of any man ever again. You shouldn't either. You are worth more. I know a step like that is drastic, but just ask yourself how you could end up if you don't seriously address the problem now. Good luck, sweetie. Remember, you do not deserve this treatment. It is totally disrespectful, in general, and degenerates any trust you may have had, though I could guess there was not much to begin with. It is adultery. Don't stand for it.
2006-08-02 21:27:22 · answer #2 · answered by DneezGrl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough thing. He likely is defensive about viewing porn around you because he knows it bothers you and because he is been taught all his life that it is shameful to be caught by a woman looking at such things.
Give him a chance to be open with you. Instead of confronting him, feign interest in porn, (possibly talk about wanting to spice up your love life or just a general curiosity). Then allow him to explain to you why he views it. Be open, tell him calmly how it makes you feel.
Sometimes, if intimacy can slowly be improved, men lose interest in pornography. This can be done through better communication, compromise and sometimes in trying new things.
Not knowing your husband, it is hard to pinpoint the one thing that will get him away from the porn.
2006-08-02 21:13:42 · answer #3 · answered by tcos...a guy with questions 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is embarrassed that you know he likes porn... Don't confront him but rather sit down with him and see if there is a medium. Can you both try to enjoy a little porn to spice up the sex life.. tel, him you might be open to some of his ideas, if he would share them with you.. Try this and eventually it should "ween" him away from porn. For as sex with you gets better, there will be little need for the porn.. Take care and good luck..
2006-08-02 21:11:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say no problem just as long as he still finds you desirable. If he starts cheating on you than kick him out. Some of us guys like porn because it enhances our imagination, just picturing or thinking about our spouse in some of these sexual situations is a big turn-on. I know a few women who are addicted to porn just as much as men. You should join your man because watching porn together makes for some great love making.
2006-08-02 21:23:26 · answer #5 · answered by John4no17 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GIRL, me and u are going through the EXACT same things, and im not a guy, but im going to tell you what i did, and so far so good..........if there is anything that you do that really pisses him off, or that hes always making smartass comments about because he doesnt like it, sit him down and find out, and make an agreement that you will stop, if he will. i know that this sounds typical, but if what you do, really bothers him, then it should work. but....if he cant stop. try turning the tables, get Playgirl magazines and watch men on men porn, leave vibrators out, whatever........men usually dont realize what they are doing until there in your shoes. hope this helps please let me know...also make sure, ask him to be honest about ur guys sex life being good, because my husband told me finally, that there were somethings that i just wasnt giving him, and i just wasnt making him feel a certain way. Let me know how it goes.
2006-08-03 00:27:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Addicted to porn??? Thats a big statement. What do you mean?? Does he just look at it or does he neglect yer needzz??? If he just spanks it to it or whateva but is still taking care of yer needzz, then I don't see a problem. If on the otherhand, he would rather play with himself than be with you, you need to confront him and make sure yer needz are being met. You can also try getting into it yerslef. Watching it with him, try what they do in the porn, and maybe make yer own with him.
2006-08-02 21:10:56 · answer #7 · answered by mrbubbachowpuss 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find the book, "An Affair of the Mind", by Laurie Hall.
Her husband was addicted to online porn; lost his job, and almost his family, but for the fact his wife stuck by him.
Read it, and have him read it, too.
Good luck, and best wishes.
2006-08-02 21:07:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, name is Kim, I'm a female, and I went thu this crap for six years, married for 32 this month, I've said it all, was told, oh, it's OK to do..really I asked, he was doing this 24/7 We are in the process for a divorce now, this was not the only problem he had a list, I'm no angel, just put up with more than my share of crap!!
2006-08-02 21:13:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
uh let him do it. Its not going to harm him. Its a hobby for him. let him enjoy it. Why can't woman who marry be more supportive then say you can't do this and you can't do that. Let him have some fun they like visuals. maybe you could join him and have some fun with him. he is reacting that way cause you sound like his mom saying you can't do something. I would just let him watch it or watch some with him and ask if he would like to make up your own porn or pretend to be a character in one of the movies.
2006-08-02 21:09:19 · answer #10 · answered by alexia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can install a porn filter software like NetDog on the computer,that help you to block all porn sites quitely in the background when he's surfing on the internet. http://www.netdogsoft.com
2006-08-03 09:48:43 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋